Warm x I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked
by Zosie
Summary: COMPLETE Edward Cullen has a strange condition,idiopathic neuropathy and only one woman can  overcome it. He lacks the ability to feel, and the only girl he has ever touched and felt is Bella Swan.   Edward/Bella  M,
1. Chapter 1

idiopathic neuropathy is a ficticious condition invented for the tv series, Haven, Nathan suffers from it, so don't try and fit it's symptoms into any existing real condition. I don't own Twilight, or Haven. I watch both , you will all guess I know nothing about American football, but if it's a comfort, I know nothing about Aussie football either, except it's banned from the tv in our bedroom.

Warm

Chapter One

"Edward, you need to put on a sweater," my Mom called as I walked towards my car. I scowled and tried to remember if I had left my coat in my car last night. No, I hung it up as always.

Mom met me at the front door and handed me the hand knitted abomination she knitted herself. I had never let on how hideous it was, why couldn't she have just knitted something plain in black yarn, something unnoticeable and boring?

Rainbow stripes.

Really?

Seriously?

The woman had clearly no idea rainbow was the icon of the gay community and me wearing this sweater said 'pretty boy looking for similar pretty boy for relationship'. Bad enough nobody had ever called me handsome, no, Edward was pretty. Slim fingers as pretty as a girls, well, less masculine than Madonna's or Angelina's hands. I watched their hands on the screen and wished we could swap, one of them at least must despair over their large, masculine 'man hands' and want to do an exchange for my pretty digits.

I pulled up at the side of the road and took the offending sweater off and pulled on the jacket I had grabbed 'in case of rain' and tucked the rainbow atrocity as far under the front seat as it would go.

No wonder Edward doesn't have a girlfriend, thought Emmett, shaking his head as his brother left in the sweater, as he hitched Roaslie Hale's right leg higher over his thigh.

Sex in the back seat of his car? Very racy and an instant turn on.

Everyone assumed he wanted the jeep because it was a typical macho symbol but really, it had the biggest back seat ever. The moment he saw that attribute in the car yard, he was smitten.

He watched his 'Mom' close the front door and return inside.

Esme Cullen was a wonderful woman. Unable to have a family of her own, she had gathered up and fostered all the 'orphan' teens in this small town and given them a place to turn to whenever they needed to escape.

Emmett's parent's had more children than they could cope with, him being the oldest of seven and the least manageable, he had been the sacrificial lamb tossed out to save his siblings. His overworked, over stretched parents had no time nor patience to wait out his early rebellion period and had given the state the job of finding him shelter.

Edward had already lived with Carlisle and Esme, he was their first waif taken into their hearts and home. His parents were too concerned with their careers to spend time with their only child and his wandering at night, looking for company, from his fourth birthday, had infuriated his father and by age seven he had been surrendered and placed. His bio's rarely sought contact, they were much too busy with their very important careers and their 'mistake' had been taken care of, so what was the problem? They were better off without him and he was definitely better off without them.

Elizabeth had her tubes tied after his unplanned birth and Edward senior had already been for a vasectomy the day the pregnancy test turned positive.

Everyone makes mistakes, they were just glad their's had been dealt with so simply. They had tried, they both assured themselves and each other, but he truly was a strange child. Born healthy, he had gradually lost all feeling in his skin so he had no idea what pain was, what cold was, what warm meant.

He had to be told to remove or add a sweater. His bathwater had to be tested or he would climb in and sit in freezing cold water in Winter or near boiling in Summer. He could not detect any hint of temperature at all.

He would bolt down his food before it had a chance to cool, and was regularly in hospital for touching hotplates before the power had been turned off, or burning himself by sitting too close to an open fire at camps and bonfires.

He had been entirely too much bother. It was fine for outsiders to judge them, but they hadn't been burdened with this strange, intensely quiet and introspective little chap whom neither could relate to. They comforted themselves that there had probably been a mix-up in the maternity ward, maybe some other green eyed, copper haired baby boy was born that same day and the babies had been switched. They would never have produced such an oddity. So, they hadn't even given up their own flesh and blood, really, had they? They had merely handed on the cuckoo from their nest into someone else's.

He had always been exceptionally bright so he usually followed the example set by others in his vicinity, adding or removing layers of clothing when they did.

The boys at his very expensive private school his parents had enrolled him in while he was still in their custody, thought it hilarious to all strip down to their Tshirts on icy days until Edward followed suit, then they would leave his area and hurriedly redress and grin and heckle him as his arms goosepimpled and turned blue.

What a hoot!

Masen was such a moron.

They delighted in handing him cocoa far too hot to drink and telling him it was cooled, and watching him not even flinch as he drank it down and it scolded his tongue.

He spent a lot of time with the school nurse when the master's noticed his injuries, but he was always unperturbed by them, seeing they caused him no actual pain.

His arms and legs were scarred from the many falls and scrapes and his feet bore the jagged reminder of the time as a toddler, he dropped a glass bottle on the concrete path and toddled across the glass, leaving a grizzly trail of blood that caused his father to swear and his mother to faint.

Dr Carlisle Cullen had stitched him up and looked after him from the day he was born, so when he expressed an interest in fostering, the Masen's knew just the child for them.

Edward.

And it had worked out so well for everyone. Of course, they wished they could have kept in touch but their careers had necessitated a move to New York and that's so far from Washington state and they were so very busy.

Except for their dutiful gifts of a check Christmas and birthdays, it was like he had never existed and blighted their lives for those stressful seven years.

Edward had known enough to recognize Esme and Carlisle loved him in a way his parents never had even tried to, so he requested his surname be changed to theirs soon after they welcomed the skinny, intense child into their home.

Edward Anthony Masen Cullen.

Though more often then not, he neglected to even add the Masen in his name.

The third 'brother' Jasper, had come from a broken home, father had done a disappearing trick when he could no longer handle his wife's alcoholism, so Jasper had struggled to parent his mother and Social Services had stepped in and forcibly removed the child who desperately wanted to stay and look after her.

He was ten when taken, and he had been the challenge of the three.

Edward had adored his foster parents, whom he considered his natural parents, because they loved him naturally. Emmett was an eternal optimist who accepted his Fate and blossomed under the Cullen's care and he still thanked God every night for the fact he had his own bed and didn't have to share, and his very own bedroom.

Mind you, nowadays he shared that very same bed more often than not with Rosalie. She was always game to sneak over to the Cullen house and climb in his window. Her parents were somewhat like Edward's, incredibly driven and busy and as a result, neither were home long enough to know what she was up to or where the girl was.

Jasper had mourned and cried over being separated from his Mom and he fought them for two years before accepting until he was eighteen, there was nothing he could do about the situation. His mother spent most of her life in one rehab or another and Jasper planned to be there to care for her the day that magical birthday finally came around.

Alice was the final sibling by choice. Carlisle had treated the child and tried to reassure her parents the vision's of the future she had from her earliest memories, were not a sign of insanity or feeblemindedness so when they decided to surrender her to an institution and expected him to sign the forms, he had offered them an alternative, and the grateful pair had signed the fostering agreement so fast his head had spun.

Alice was a delightful child and no trouble at all, her visions were often very clear and always came to pass, but neither Carlisle nor Esme thought they were the work of the Devil as her parent's had believed, and they adored her.

Esme's only fear was their days of parenting were coming to an end. Edward was soon turning eighteen, as was Emmett, Jasper was seventeen next week and Alice was sixteen already.

Soon the big house with the many bedrooms and bathrooms and hallways that rang with laughter and childish glee and harmless pranks would echo with silence again.

The two oldest boys would be headed for college, and Jasper had expressed a need for a gap year when he finished high school so he could wait for Alice to go with him the following year. He refused to ever be parted from the little pixie faced girl he most definitely did not see as a sister in any respects. But she gave him something new to fulfil his need to care for now his mother's liver had given up and she had died the last month of Spring.

He barely knew her by then, she had changed so much as the demon drink gripped her tighter and tighter in it's grasp and Esme was ashamed to feel nothing but relief that Jasper had been cheated of his doomed to failure future, trying to cure the woman.

Esme knew about Rosalie, just as she knew Jasper and Alice often shared a bed, but she was realistic and didn't see the point in creating problems where none existed. They were needy individuals and they had found their mates at a young age, as those rejected by the parents who should have loved them often were. She provided contraception, advice not lectures, and accepted their love for one another.

She actually only worried about Edward.

He was so alone. He had dated girls but he lacked the lure of sexual gratification boys his age were inspired by. He could achieve erections and erase them by his own hand but the sense was merely one of relief, not pleasure, and kissing girls barely registered. A little pressure against his own lips, nothing more. No urges of desire when they put their tongues inside his mouth, no uncomfortable, desperate throbbing in his loins.

Jessica Stanley had been fascinated, maybe a little obsessed with him for a while, and her hand had substituted for his, but his reaction as his seed spilled soon bored her, he would often forget what she was working so hard on achieving and start to stare out of his bedroom window or even read as she gripped harder and moved her hand faster.

Sometimes he barely knew he had come. Just the mess told him so and he would casually clean up like other men took a tissue to their nose when necessary.

Her lips had no more success than her hand, she could bring him to climax, but he was so removed from the act she soon moved on to Mike, who yelled her name in a much more satisfying way as her ministrations brought him over the brink.

She shared his parent's opinion, the boy was strange.

xxx xxx xxx xxx

She was sitting in the bleachers, shivering and holding her hands between her knees, pulling the inadequate thin jacket closer around herself when Edward saw her.

Bella Swan.

Wannabe girlfriend of the football captain, Riley Biers, who knew she existed but had plenty of better options before he took her up on her obvious crush and what it would bring him. A night or two of sex and fun then he would move on. That's what popularity did for him, he could have any girl by clicking his fingers and they all came running and he amused himself with their bodies until he got bored.

Attention span of a gnat.

He knew that just as he knew he was glad college and new pickings loomed so soon. He had just about worked his way through the whole female population of the school by now.

Bella Swan was attractive and quite sexy in an oblivious way, but she reeked of being the type of girl Riley avoided. A girl who wanted more, a girl not willing to accept two nights was his limit. he had seen her write his name on her pencilcase since elementary school, so he had planned to give in and hook up with her exactly two nights before he left for NYU.

She was staying close to home, SeattleU, so he would probably never cross paths with her again.

He could be in and out, many times, he snickered, in two nights and then when she turned up at his house, as she inevitably would the third day, his Mom would tell her the news. He had headed off to college early, starting a sport's program that needed his full concentration before classes started and demanded some of his attention.

No doubt there would be texts and maybe even a loveletter full of pain and anguish but he could burn it without reading.

Girls like Bella Swan were the only problem his looks and charm caused. They all wanted him, the good time girls, the sad and pathetic librarian types, and the white picket fence brigade, of which Bella was clearly a member.

Her parents divorce had left her split into two.

One Bella wanted to regain trust and security by marrying straight out of high school or college, or during college, even.

The other rejected the very idea of marriage as an unworkable farce.

Riley preferred the latter persona but the looks of adoration she was giving him, he was pretty darn sure it was Bella #1 watching him play today.

He would double bag himself, two condoms, every time he fucked her, that was a given. Nobody was tying him down in this Godforsaken village that couldn't even be classified as a small town.

Edward took a seat behind Bella as he waited for Jasper to walk on to the field. Of the three boys, Jasper was the slightest built but he was quick and athletic, whippy and stronger than his looks suggested. His power was the fact the opposition always underestimated him and wrote him off from first glance so he often won the game for his team by hiding his talent under a bushel until the last few vital plays, when he would run like the wind and leave them all open mouthed and baffled.

Emmett finally arrived and he helped Rosalie from the jeep and walked over to leave her in Edward's care while he changed and took his position on the field. Emmett was an obvious and natural player, so large the other side were intimidated by his size alone. He knew he could have claimed the spot as team captain any time he wanted, he was stronger, faster and smarter than Riley Biers but he preferred to be vice captain. His college options were irrelevant, Carlisle could easily afford to put all his children through any ivy league school without a moment's hesitation so the scouts didn't bother Emmett.

If he got a sports scholarship to his chosen college, fine, but if not, no problem. he would not change to a different one just because they wanted him more.

Edward spoke to Rose then jogged to his car and returned with the bane of his existence, and she gently tapped the shoulder of the pretty brunette in front of where they sat, offering her the use of the rainbow embarrassment.

She raised her eyebrows at first sight of it, but relented and accepted, it was that cold here today. Edward smiled as the sweater enveloped her from neck to knees, hanging over her wrists to hide even her small hands, and she thanked them . Rose moved to sit beside her, preferring the company of females over males except Emmett, any day of the week. She knew Bella quite well but she was hardly a close friend.

"So, you are on Riley Patrol, Bella?" Rose asked.

Edward listened in, not really interested, watching his brothers warm up and toss the ball to one another.

"I really am getting close to giving up, Rose. You know he is off to NYU? I heard that from at least six different sources, though he denies it. I fear I am going to miss my chance with him."

She tossed her hair back and Edward gasped as her scent invaded his nose.

Fuck she smelled awesome.

He pretend to cough to cover up the audible gasp as they both turned to look at him.

"Swallowed a bug," he muttered, looking anywhere but at the pair of deep brown eyes looking curiously at him.

The girls faced away again and he edged in a little closer.

Strawberries?

Freesia's?

Something else as well.

"Bella, I know you think it would be the pinnacle of your high school career to get your cherry popped by Riley Biers but I have to warn you, he is nowhere as good as he thinks. He is extremely selfish in bed and never raises a finger to assist a girl along, if you get my drift. So long as Riley gets his, that's all he cares about.

And he is a freak for backdoor action. I suspect because he knows he can't impregnant anyone that way but the man is a beast. I say you would be way better off forgetting him and concentrating on the new pool of possibles at SeattleU. Maybe there will be a decent guy amongst the losers."

Bella laughed and Rose joined in.

"Okay, more decent guy. Wouldn't be hard to be more decent than Riley, anyway," Rose sneered.

"He is just, I dunno, sort of beautiful?" offered Bella.

"God no, he may be pretty on the outside but his soul is pure evil. Emmett already told me Riley has plans for you. Do you want to know?"

"Of course, Rose. Spill."

"He plans to invite you out two nights before he leaves Forks, and screw you senseless as often as possible in those 48 hours then ditch you and bolt for NYU and delete you from his phone and Facebook."

Bella looked at Rose and Edward saw a small tear escape and run down her cheek.

He wanted to reach over and wipe it away but of course, he didn't dare.

She was so small and frail, he was so large and strong, and he lacked the ability to judge how hard or roughly he was touching anyone.

He had trained himself to always hold back when touching girls in any way but the times he had pleased Jessica with his long, slim fingers had been so frustrating, he could not distinguish when he rubbed too hard,or probed too deep, her flinches were the same as her more eager responses when he had been getting it right. Their time together was always dotted with her alternately moaning in pleasure, and her cautioning him to be more gentle, to go softer.

Relationships were impossible for him, he had concluded, and starting anything that could only lead to more rejection in his life was not an option he relished.

He couldn't help being somewhat fascinated with this girl, though.

"Really? Well I guess I asked for that. Mooning after the most popular boy in school. How could I ever imagine he would want more than just easy sex from me? It's not like I am a catch."

Edward resisted the urge to growl at her.

She was being ridiculous.

Sure, the pairing of Riley and Bella would be lopsided but only because she was far too good for the likes of him.

He was simply an opportunist, a manwhore, a man with zero appreciation of the girls who willingly gave him their all.

"You can do a hell of a lot better than Riley Biers," Edward stated and stood and walked away, leaving both girls surprised at his comment.

Emmett signalled Rose to run down and give him his usual good luck tonguing, and Bella walked to where Edward stood, leaning against the wire fence.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"You are the smartest girl I know, you are the only girl Angela and I have ever had to compete against for top of the class in any subject, you are beautiful and sexy and have a killer body, and yet you want to waste yourself on a dick like Riley? I don't get it. He is a user. The girls he screws get joked about in the locker rooms with the rest of the team. He rates girls by their skills, he only spares a single night on those he deems unworthy of a second visit, and he tells every boy interested what each girl did to him, with him, what they prefer, what they hate. He doesn't care who chases after them and screws them next, he has no interest once he has used them himself.

He doesn't even see girl's as humans. More playtoys. Why would someone like you even look at someone like him?"

Bella frowned.

"All the girls here want Riley. He is the best thing on offer in Forks."

"Really? Bella, think about it, is he is the best thing on offer or the worst?"

Rose ran up to join them and the three watched the game and Bella was quiet, looking at Edward now and then, shaking her head.

When the game ended, she pulled his sweater off and threw it to him and stomped off to that appalling vehicle she seemed to like, and left before the team emerged.

"I think maybe, between the two of us, we may have convinced her to avoid Riley like the plague he is," said Rose.

"You did what? You two had better not have mucked up my plans with Bella Swan," growled Riley, walking up beside Emmett.

"Sorry, we just pointed out to her what a douchebag you are and how she was better off turning lesbian," Rose answered.

"You are just a jealous hag because you have never had the pleasure of a night with Riley and Big Riley," he replied, crudely grabbing his package and shaking it at her.

"Well that would never happen because I prefer real men, not morons who think with their dicks," she growled back, entwining herself in Emmett's arms as he reached for her.

"Oh well, if I don't get to fuck Bella, I guess I will pay a little visit to Alice, she looks like a girl who knows quality when she has it shoved up her ass," he quipped as Edward unthinkingly clenched his fist and punched the boy squarely in the face, breaking his nose with a satisfying crack.

Emmett was behind him in a second, preventing a second punch being thrown as he grabbed Edwards arms and pulled them behind his back.

"Edward, no, you put too much into that punch. One punch can kill, you know you can't hit anyone."

Edward turned and walked to his car, hiding the smile that threatened to split his face. The blood on his hand was his victory. Let's see how many college girls he beds with the misshapen mess of a nose Edward had left him with.

He drove straight home to report to his father what he had done.

He knew it had been stupid and foolhardy and Emmett was right, with him especially, one punch could kill, he had no idea how much strength had been behind that blow.

As Esme listened and clucked about and washed his hand, he was shocked to find the blood was not Riley's alone, his knuckles were split from the force as they met the boy's skin.

"Strictly speaking, you just exchanged fluids with the biggest whore in town, Edward, I will have to test you although I know the boy purchases more condom's than the rest of the male population put together. You are probably safe," sighed Carlisle.

Edward watched the blood be drawn from his arm and grinned.

It was still worth it.

Nobody messed with his Bella.

He stopped smiling and shook his head.

Of course, what he meant was, nobody messes with his sister Alice.

xxx xxx xxx

Rose walked into his bedroom and dropped the forgotten rainbow sweater onto his bed.

"Well done, I have to say that was the best punch ever. Carlisle is at the hospital putting a splint on the bastard's face and booking him into a plastic surgeon. I hope it's a really bad one and he comes out looking like Pinocchio."

Edward laughed.

"Come on, he seems to think bigger is better when it comes to dicks, why not noses as well?" Rose joked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Do you think we saved Bella from his clutches?" she mused.

"God, I hope so. Thanks for bringing home the beast. I do love it, because Esme knitted it for me, but I wish she had made me a pillow or something."

He lifted the sweater and folded it neatly and the aroma of Bella's scent hit him suddenly.

He bent his head and buried his face in the rainbow stripes, breathing her in.

"Edward, a little weird," chided Rose.

"Fuck she smells awesome," Edward replied, laying the sweater beside his pillow, hoping she had impregnated the fibres enough to hold her smell for days.

"Oh don't be using that as a showeraid," said Rose, then she blushed as she remembered.

"Sorry Edward. I forgot."

"Don't worry about it, maybe I will never get a bigger thrill than smelling girls, but if they all smell like Bella, it may be enough, who knows?"

"Look who I found out the front," trilled Alice, pausing at Edward's door and ushering in Bella herself.

Edward blushed self consciously but had no idea he had until she blushed in response.

"Oh my God, a match made in Heaven," Alice murmured as she went downstairs to find Jasper.

"I just wanted to say thanks to the two of you for the cold dose of reality. I have been so stupid, yet I have no excuse. Hormones, lust, whatever. I was a fool," she admitted.

"Well, at least you woke up in time," comforted Rose.

"Rosie, I need you for my victory celebration," called Emmett from downstairs.

"God, could he be more subtle?" she sighed and went down to celebrate with him in the media room in the basement where Alice and Jasper were already hogging the larger sofa.

She tossed a blanket over them.

"Please, there are some things I don't want to see," she commented.

"Yeah, sure, Rose, we are sure you have led a very sheltered life and never seen a penis before," joked Jasper, pulling the cover over both Alice and himself.

"Only one, and I have no desire to double that, so keep it in your pants until fully encased in a blanket in future, thank you."

"Come see what's hidden in my blanket" laughed Emmett, grabbing the girl of his dreams into his arms and wrapping her firmly with both the blanket and his body.

"God, this is probably a really bad idea. Can you people cease and desist and watch a movie for once?" asked Edward, walking in, sitting on the last sofa and indicating to Bella to sit beside him. She could hardly sit with the fornicators.

He selected a dvd and put it in, and faced the others.

"Keep it until tonight, when you have privacy in your own bedrooms, there's a novel idea," he suggested and sat down again.

The movie was long and pretty boring and he knew from the unsubtle quaking of the blanketed lumps in the room, his plea was being ignored, so he turned and tried to shield Bella from the view. She smiled and moved closer to him and before long, somehow his arm was around her, lying on the top of the back of the sofa. She fell asleep shortly after he put a second dvd on and he smiled as she fell against his body.

It was sometime before he realized something momentous.

He felt warm where her body touched his side.

He thought he had forgotten what warm felt like but vague memories stirred, he was wearing cowboy print pajamas and being wrapped in a blanket, someone holding him when he was small, the fuzzy feeling of bodyheat being exchanged as he drifted to sleep.

The face of Tanya, his babysitter when he was pre school age entered his head. She had held him and he had felt her warmth. Then it had stopped when he went to school and he never felt anything again.

Until today.


	2. Chapter 2

Warm

Chapter 2

Edward awoke and sighed as he realized it was just a dream. He was not feeling anything since Bella Swan had woken and jumped away in embarrassment when she found herself cuddled into his side.

He had been sitting there for over an hour while she slept, not daring to move a muscle, and he had tried not to breathe too loud least he wake her. To him, feeling warm again was the most amazing feeling he had experienced in years. He longed to run and tell Esme, the woman who had cuddled him on her knee and cried over the fact he felt nothing when she held his small self back when he was the only Cullen child.

She had rubbed his back as he fell asleep, watching him frown with intense concentration as he tried so desperately to feel her touch.

She had always carefully tested the bathwater before letting him get in, and had rubbed him dry afterwards and dressed him in clothes he knew were appropriate for the weather.

Esme would be as thrilled as he was and he wanted to feel the texture and heat of her skin as well. He hoped he didn't seem too keen for Bella to leave but he wanted to tell his Mom about how he was cured at last.

When Bella did leave, he had touched her arm as he led her to the door of her truck, and he was vibrating with his new found sense as he felt her heat permeate through her coat onto his hand.

He could feel!

He waved hastily and was inside in a flash, running upstairs and opening the door to Carlisle and Esme's parent's retreat.

He frowned when the door knob felt the same as always. Nothing. Not hot, not cold, not smooth, not rough.

Nothing.

"Edward?" questioned his mother.

"I felt something, Mom, I felt Bella Swan when she was asleep downstairs on the sofa."

Carlisle looked up from the book he was reading and frowned.

"You touched Bella when she was asleep?"

Edward shook his head.

"I mean, she was sitting on the same sofa as me and she fell asleep and leaned against me and after a while, I felt her warmth."

Esme smiled and stood, touching his face gently.

"That's amazing, Edward. Can you feel my hand now?" she asked, hopefully.

"No," he sighed, putting his own hand over hers.

"Sit here beside me, maybe it will happen again," she suggested.

Edward snuggled beside her and waited.

And waited.

Esme smiled and tested the heat build up now and then but he frowned and shook his head.

"Maybe it will take a while to return completely," she said hopefully.

"Maybe it will occur randomly, at least at first," Carlisle offered.

"Maybe it was a one off thing," Edward scowled and went to bed in his own bedroom.

xxx xxx xxx

EPOV

My dream had been amazing, everything I touched felt something, hot, cold, soft, wet, dry, and I had run about, grabbing, touching, rolling on the ground, feeling the soft tickle of the grass blades against my body.

Then I was swimming in the sea, and the water was cold, icy, making me shiver so I ran out onto the sand...warm, dry, soft, granular, I could feel every single grain against my feet, and the rays of the sun touched my body and dried it as it heated me and I felt warm!

I yelled out in complete happiness and my bio mother appeared.

"You can't feel, Edward. You are not a real boy, remember that. "

I woke with a start.

My blankets were on the floor so I guess it had been a restless night, and my legs and arms were bluish with cold and goose fleshed. I sighed in disappointment and rubbed my hands along each arm, trying desperately to feel. Rubbing harder, softer, gently, nothing.

I stomped out of bed and turned the shower on, stopping the faucet at the painted dot Esme had put there for me to indicate the water was a good mix of hot and cold. How would I know? I feel nothing.

Feeling the warmth of the girl on the sofa must have been some mind trick or hallucination. I could accept that better than if I had been allowed that brief delicious taste of what I was missing then had it taken away from me again. Life was not that cruel, surely?

"Hey bro, what's got your knickers in a twist?" asked Jasper, walking in as I dressed angrily.

"I thought I felt something last night. When I was on the sofa with Bella Swan. I clearly imagined she felt warm against me, and now I have to suffer the letdown and let go of the fantasy that I live in a universe that doesn't hate me and allow me a peek but not a proper look, of how it feels to feel. To be normal."

"Clearly that is not where we live. If life was perfect, Edward, we wouldn't be here, wouldn't be brothers. I know the touch thing must suck like Hell. I think of it every time I get a shot of Novocain at the dentist or get magic spray put on my on field injuries so I can play on. It feels weird not feeling. I do understand a little, bro. But personally, I love this world and the way things are and had to be. Esme was right, it was not a good choice I intended making, putting my bio ahead of my own needs and plans. I miss my Mom and always will, but most days I can see she did me a favor, giving me to Carlisle and Esme and then dying before I started my martyred existence. We all have a chance now, Edward."

"I'm grateful for that, believe me, I remember living with 'them' and being made to feel like I was just the worst possible thing they could have been burdened with, and the opposite way Esme reacted to me, like I was some amazing prize she never expected to be lucky enough to win, and she has always cherished me and it should be a 100% positive thing, but Jasper, I am never going to be able to feel. I will never know what it feels like to have a girl's body mold against mine. To me, it feels no different than if a pillow is there instead. I can't detect the difference between dead and alive. I could sit with a vampire and not know she was icy cold and hard. I will never enjoy the warmth and softness you and Emmett so clearly enjoy when you are with the girls, and I will never enjoy sex. I can do it, I imagine, I have the equipment and it works from what I can tell, but I will never lie there afterwards with that look you and Emmett walk around with on your faces.

Sex will always be mechanical, something I do for whoever the poor girl is who ends up taking me on, but I am not stupid, I know no girl will stay with me long. I tried to pretend with Jess, that I enjoyed our making out sessions and her hand jobs but it was like what I imagine it would be for you if Alice just wiped your nose or something. Hard to enthuse over.

It wasn't awesome, or special or gratifying. It eased the pressure but I can do that myself. Or ignore it, it goes away if I ignore it. This clouds my vision when I look at girls. I am not looking at them thinking how hot she is and how I want to do all manner of things to her in bed, I am always thinking, is she kind and patient and will she tolerate me for a while? Will she care enough to not hurt my feelings by deciding I am a freak? If so, how long for? Any relationship I have will be doomed from the start."

"Edward, you have a lot to offer. You are smart and clever and good looking. You will end up with a great career and plenty of money and nice things. There are girls in the world, believe it or not, who would settle for that. There are even girls who will like you and appreciate you for what you can give them, and not angst over what you can't. Girls who have been with guys who cheated and treated them badly, girl's who appreciate what a good person you are. There are girls out there Edward, who will see you for the catch you are."

"A catch? I guess that's me, the original cold fish."

"You are warm, I can feel your warmth and they will, too. Just try and fake the rest. Women do fake it, maybe if you watch some sex on dvd and learn when to react to what, the girl will be fooled. Maybe don't tell them first date. Maybe wait until she is into you properly, then break it to her. Jess used to instruct you where to touch and how, don't think other girls don't do the same to their boyfriends. Girls are all different and like different things, some like it hard and rough, some only like gentle, you just have to ask and fake it. Tell her to tell you if you are too intense, believe me, in my experience all girls like giving orders and speaking up about what you are doing. It's not just you, we all get told what to do and how, and what's bad and what's good. Emmett has plenty of porn, watch some of that."

"I don't think porn is the answer. I just want to give a girl what she wants and needs from me. I will never know when she comes, how it feels at that moment."

"Believe me, I could detect when Alice comes in so many ways apart from feeling it. Her breathing changes as she gets close, she pushes herself closer, she grinds into me, she grabs on to my shoulders or back, or my ass, she moans and sucks on my neck, you will soon figure that part out. If she lays there like a dead fish, I know I am not doing what she likes. It doesn't take physically feeling her pulse around me. Watching, listening, knowing by how she is reacting, you will know, man, believe me. You just need the right girl. Or one to practise on. It's no different to sport, you learn by doing and observing and copying others. You can do this, Edward, you can fake it. Bring some girl down into the dungeon and put a dvd on that shows some explicit sex scenes and copy, follow our lead. Fake it, man. We all have fake stuff in life, just become the best faker there is."

"So, use a girl to learn some basic skills?" I asked.

"Sure man. There are plenty who would volunteer. Not all girls will see you as a science experiment as Jessica did. Maybe a nicer girl, one who likes you but isn't that into you, just wants a casual thing, would be best? Maybe ask Bella. I think she likes you, and she is nice, she would probably even want to help even if she knew everything."

"No, not Bella," I growled. Why was me using her any better than Riley's intentions? Both of us were wanting our needs met more than hers. I would not be some monster and anyway, I liked her. Too much to use her.

"Lauren? Angela?" Jasper suggested.

"Not Angela, we are friends and I don't think I would be comfortable asking this of her. Maybe Lauren. I know she can be nice and she isn't exactly a virgin, I wouldn't feel so bad asking her for help."

"There you go, then. Emmett's party next week, go invite Lauren to attend with you and keep her back here after for the make out session."

It seemed like a plan. Lauren was nicer than Jess and less popular, and we were sort of friends. I felt I could trust her and maybe I could explain my dilemma and see if she wanted to be part of the solution. Cashing my v card was probably going to be necessary somewhere along the learning curve but it was hardly the big deal it seemed. If I wanted to attend college and be able to appear normal in bed with girls, I had to start now.

I grabbed my phone and scrolled through the contact list.

Lauren Mallory.

I left her a voice message and asked her if she was coming to Emm's party, and if so, if she would come as my date.

Then I unpacked my books and started on the latest Biology assignment. It was meant to be done in pairs but I have the only spare seat in the classroom at my table and don't have a lab partner. It doesn't bother me, I prefer working alone, and having the satisfaction of knowing I earned my grade myself. Also, none of the others could work at my pace anyway. I know I am far cleverer than most of the students at Forks High, but whatever. I do have some competition. Bella Swan always gives me a run for my money, it's either she or I who tops the class. Angela excels at most subjects as well, so we three share all the top grades.

Just this once I wished I had someone to drive to La Push to observe wave formations with. Just someone to hang with, as friends.

Girls tended to avoid me but I knew that was my own fault, I had always frozen them out, so sure they would only label me as weird or different if they got close enough to detect my secret.

My handicap. My defect.

Emmett and Jasper are my friends but they have girlfriends, full time, needy, clingy girlfriends.

I wish I did.

I grabbed the books I needed and went to my car and headed for La Push.

Maybe some other students would be there and I could sit with them.

Maybe I should try being friendlier.

If I hate them all, so what, high school is nearly done anyway.

I parked and walked along the sand dunes and found a sheltered spot.

Eric Yorkie and a girl were further down the beach but they were not working, more playing.

The type of game meant for only two players.

I was getting into the scientific explanation for waves and why their strength and frequency altered when I heard happy squealing and glanced up.

Bella Swan.

In a bikini.

I almost missed the fact she was with a tall, russet skinned Quileute boy because my eyes were drawn to her small frame and curvaceous figure in the tiny scraps of fabric.

It wasn't long before I knew his name.

"Jacob!" she squealed as he grabbed her and tossed her into the rolling surf.

I envied Jacob for many reasons.

Mainly because, although he was being rough with her, he knew how rough to be. How to know where the line between playful rough housing and causing pain lay.

I would probably never know that line.

I had hurt many of my playmates when I was a small child, because I couldn't gauge well enough. I had left children with bruises and welts and even a broken arm once.

My bio had always been in despair, unable to handle me or know how to handle the irate parents who came to the door to complain and demand I was punished.

"But he pushed me first," I would plead.

"He didn't push you so hard you got a bruise the size of a dinner plate on your back, boy."

"He grabbed your arm, Edward, to stop you, you broke his arm. How could you do that?"

How could I?

I was some sort of animal.

Only Esme and Carlisle had understood and my Mom had taught me how to keep my hands to myself rather than risk injuring others. Emmett was the exception, he was so much larger and stronger, he scoffed at the idea I could hurt him so we spent many hours wrestling and play fighting and I never did him any harm and he managed to not hurt me either. I loved having a brother, and one who could withstand my roughness. Our mom seemed to instinctively know Emmett was exactly the brother for me.

She couldn't help me with my current problem though.

I checked my phone. No texts. I hoped Lauren was not already going to the party with a date. She didn't currently have a boyfriend that I knew of but she could change that any time. Lauren believed nobody should get themselves tied down until college was done. Until then, the world was her playground and she wanted to play a lot.

If she helped me, I would never ask her to be exclusive, I couldn't expect anything to come of our relationship, except new skills and knowledge for me. She would be doing me a massive favor and I would be agreeing to her terms. I had a feeling they would include her being free five nights a week to play nicely with others.

So long as she helped me learn how to play nicely myself, that was fine with me.

My assignment was long done but still I sat there, watching, observing.

I was used to that.

Those who can't do, watch.

Bella and Jacob were hard to read. I assumed he wasn't her boyfriend seeing she had been pursuing Riley, but they were obviously very familiar with one another. He was very hands on with her, lifting her above the waves when they would go over her head, and he tossed her onto his back and jogged along the waterline with her swatting at his shoulder, screaming to be allowed to get down.

They were both laughing so it was not a situation that needed intervention. He dropped her on the towels up on the sand and she wrapped herself in one, and stood in front of him, peeling her wet bikini off and handing it to him.

He grinned and pulled the towel away and I got my first full view of a naked girl. I had never seen Jess completely naked, she was more your kinky lingerie type, but Bella Swan stood for a minute, open mouthed in shock, and the sun hit her wet skin and threw sparkles off it.

She then did me a massive favor and turned her back to Jacob, no doubt imagining she would be facing nothing but sand hills this way. I let my eyes graze all over her perfect body.

Her breasts were tantalizing. Not overly large, prefect for her frame.

Or my hands.

She waxed, something that surprised me, or it would of if I had thought about it.

Her skin was pale and unmarked and quite perfect.

Her legs were longer and far shapelier than they hinted at in the jeans she wore constantly.

She gasped in shock when she saw me and she turned around, facing Jacob again, and showing me her perfectly curved backside.

He was laughing until she spoke and he looked my way, immediately covering her with the towel.

He marched over, ignoring her attempts to stop him.

"Are you perving at Bella?" he demanded as he stood a foot in front of me where I sat in the sand.

"Excuse me? I have been sitting here for hours, I could hardly have planned to see her naked. You took the towel off her," I pointed out.

"Well, don't look," he growled possessively.

So that's how it was.

"Don't take her towel away and there will be nothing to see," I replied.

Jake stared at me for several minutes more then walked away, holding her towel in place as she dressed in jeans and a Tshirt. Lucky bastard. He must have done this before, surely. She was shocked but hadn't gone into a rant as one would expect if it were the first time he had done such a thing.

Bella scrambled into her clothes and spoke to Jacob again then she walked up and sat beside me.

"Sorry about that," she said quietly, as he watched us, his eyes narrowed.

"That's okay, I enjoyed it," I laughed.

"I mean, Jake. He is a little over protective."

"That's good. All guys should be, with their girlfriends," I fished.

"Oh, he isn't my boyfriend. We have known each other forever. We aren't a couple," she explained.

"Maybe you should tell him that," I replied.

The look on his face as he watched her speaking to me was priceless, it was as if he was summoning laser beams to come out of his eyes to burn me up.

My phone rang.  
"You should answer that," Bella said, standing up. I cursed quietly at whoever was on the other end.

"Hey Edward, I would love to come to Emmett's party as your date," Lauren's voice announced loudly, loud enough for Bella to hear as well. I felt my face fall. I had assumed it was just Emm or Jasper looking for me.

"Cool. I will call you later," I said, shutting my phone.

"So, you are dating Lauren?" Bella asked.

"Sort of. First date. I,uh,..."

"She's nice. We sit together in English," Bella answered.

"Cool."

Yes, my vocabulary is expansive.

We stood there looking along the shore.

"Are you coming to Emmett's party?" I finally asked.

"Maybe. I did intend to. Maybe."

Maybe.

"Bells, we should go," called Jacob and she turned and smiled a little unsurely at me.

"Bye, Edward."

"Bye Bella."

She stumbled in the sand and I shot a hand out to catch her by the arm.

She flinched, so I immediately loosened my hold.

"Sorry," I gasped.

"It's okay, you didn't hurt me, you just grabbed me a little harder than I expected," she said.

She looked at my hand and I let her go.

As she walked away I stared at my hand.

It looked the same as always.

But it felt cold.

She had felt cold.

Her arm was cold.

I felt it.


	3. Chapter 3

**This is the story I really like the most of the four but I also like Almost Lover as well. **

**Alice's song is so cute, youtube it...Ida Maria...I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked (It has RPatz pics)**

**Type in the 3 w's and then the name of the site y o u t u b e **

**.com /watch?v=eN83KOK-4I&feature=related  
**

Warm

Chapter 3

Let's Party!

"You are in so much trouble, Mister," Bella said as she and Jacob walked along towards the VW Rabbit Jake owned, that he had left parked at the edge of the road.

"Bells, honestly, I had no idea there was anyone else on the beach or I would never have grabbed your towel away like that! You know I would never let anyone else look at your body."

"You no longer have the right to be looking at it naked, we broke up, remember?"

"Yeah, but that's just a temporary thing, you know we will get back together."

"Don't be so sure," Bella sighed. She knew Jake was the obvious one to choose and try to be something with, but they had attempted to date and it just hadn't worked that well. Jake had no intention of giving up on her, she knew that.

She had always assumed the problem was the unrequited crush she had nursed for so long for Riley but now she feared it was more simple than that even, she just didn't see Jake that way.

He had wanted to pop her cherry and she supposed she would have let him had the stuff they had done not started to feel almost incestuous to her. It was almost like being felt up by a brother, and that had prevented her ever accepting Jacob's eager offer to rid her of her virginity.

Goddamn it, she was shedding it for sure before she went away to college. College boys were never going to be attracted to a virgin, there was simply no chance of that. They would be expecting girls who knew what to do, and Bella was not planning to be ignored and left on the shelf like she had been here in High School.

Things had to change but her choices were restricted.

To be honest, once she thought about what Edward and to a lesser extent, Rosalie had said, she had written off Riley as a bad choice and a mistake she was glad to have avoided. But that left who?

She tried to kid herself she hadn't hoped maybe Edward Cullen would volunteer to help her out, he was stunningly beautiful, how bad could it be to have him forever in her mind as the man who took her as a girl and changed her into a woman?

Even if he didn't think it was anything special, she knew women always remembered their first and he was someone she would be happy to remember.

Let's face it, Bella, she told herself, he would always be the best looking man she ever slept with. Chances were, she would be hooking up with a much plainer set of men once she was a smaller fish in the bigger pond the campus of any college was.

She would be lucky to snag herself a nerd or two.

She was no Rosalie Hale, and therefore she would not be grabbing the attention of any outstanding boys. But in Forks, Edward Cullen also had few options, so she had briefly hoped...

But, whatever, he was dating Lauren and she couldn't compete with that girl.

"So, this party, am I invited?" Jake asked, leaning on the top of his car.

"I guess, if you want. You usually hate Forks High parties," she reminded him.

"Yes, I do, but I don't like the idea of you going alone."

"Who says I am going alone?" Bella replied, indignantly.

"Cullen just invited you to go as his date, didn't he?" Jacob growled, kicking the sand.

"Yes, he did," Bella lied smoothly, annoyed he was right about her going alone, as usual.

Strictly speaking, she had been invited to go as Mike's date, then when she turned him down, Eric Yorkie had asked her, then to top it off, Tyler Crowley had joined the club.

What was it with those three? She sometimes suspected they were a gang and were determined to set her up, or maybe they had one of their famous stupid bets going, trying to win the jackpot by being the one she said yes to.

They were not all seriously into her, she was sure of that.

Boys were just strange and weird foreign creatures, Bella decided.

xxx xxx xxx

Her euphoria at getting the better of Jacob soon faded as she dressed and walked to the truck alone, and headed for the Cullen house in time for the beginning of the party. She didn't even have a girl to go with, she was not particularly close to any of the girls at school, let alone the boys.

Rose was pulling up as Bella did the same and the gorgeous living Barbie doll waited and smiled as she stumbled towards her.

Rose looked amazing.

Bella was glad she wasn't a male because she was sure if she was, she would be a plain and boring male and Rose would be the object of all her desires and she would never be game to speak to her, let alone anything else.

"Hey Bella, you came. No Jacob?" Rose asked.

"No, funny story," Bella replied.

"What? He still refuses to mix with us Forks High trash?"

"That too, but he ticked me off, assuming I had no date tonight so I may have lied and told him I did indeed have a date. That shut him up."

"Oh, good on you. Who is the lucky imaginary guy?"

Bella blushed.

"Oh, nobody."

"Really, nobody. Not much of a date," Rose laughed.

Edward's Volvo pulled into the driveway the girls had left clear and Edward emerged, holding the passenger door open for Lauren as she glided out, looking to make sure someone noticed her entrance. She scowled when she realized the only audience was the two girls.

"Oh fuck, here we go. Tonight is the education of Edward Cullen," laughed Rose, speaking quietly to Bella.

"What do you mean?" the girl asked.

"He wants his v card cashed before he heads for Yale. He wants some 'instructive' lessons with one who knows, he can't do much better than Lauren, seeing he bombed out with Miss Sexpert Jessica. Lauren knows all the tricks," Rose whispered.

"Bella, Rose," said Edward as they approached. His eyes lit up at the sight of the girl at Rose's side. He had half expected she wouldn't be here tonight. No date? Or was she meeting him inside?

Lauren ignored the girls and tugged on Edward's hand.

"Come on, I want to see who is here and get a drink," she whined.

Edward shrugged and let her pull him inside.

He wished his damn chest would settle down, his head was full of Bella and his heart had leapt at seeing her again. If only he could touch her.

Jessica had taken over organizing everyone and Emmett was mixing up some fairly lethal cocktails and handing them out to all and sundry.

He paused when Rose walked in and draped herself around him.

"Baby, you look fucking awesome and awesomely fuckable," he whispered in her ear. Rose rewarded him with a kiss that took his breath from his body and made stars dance in his vision.

Alice was the welcoming committee and she spoke to each new guest as they arrived, pointing out where the bathrooms were on the lower floor only, they had roped of the staircase and hoped nobody snuck upstairs, just in case, all bedroom doors were locked. Esme and Carlisle had wisely, or unwisely, gone away overnight, and trusted the kids to limit what happened in the house to fixable, before their return.

No doubt Rose would sleep over but that was nothing new, they both knew how often that happened, and Alice's bedroom would be unused, seeing Jasper had the bigger bed, but, once again, nothing new there.

Esme wondered if Edward was going to move on from the meaningless coupling he tried with Jessica Stanley, maybe he would have a girl stay over as well. It was probably wrong of her, as a parent, to want to see her son hooking up, but his future looked so bleak. He had topped almost every class he ever took, his assignments were legendary and often on display on parent evenings at the school, his essays made it into print in the school magazine, but his personal life was the opposite.

It was such a shame, such a beautiful boy with a soul that touched the heart of everyone who knew him well, but his handicap blighted his entire life nowadays. He had coped as a child but Esme always knew, once he hit puberty, Edward would move from different in a slightly intriguing way to the other kids, to the freak column.

Most of the students had no idea he couldn't feel anything, he managed to keep himself isolated enough so most merely thought of him as standoffish, and the girls assumed he held the idea he was too good for them. He had rarely let anyone in, and Jessica had been the first he had even made any attempt to know, from Esme's observations.

He was friends with Angela as she spent as much time studying in the library as he did so they were study buddies and she had been here to the house often, as they quizzed each other on their knowledge and skills with the more difficult subjects. Angela knew about his problem but had never commented and Esme knew she would never spread gossip and reveal his secret, she was far nicer than that.

Bella Swan had never visited before this week, and Esme wondered why. She was a natural scholar and didn't need to study so she was not one of those who locked themselves in the library for hours, it all came easily and naturally to her. No doubt she would be off to an ivy league school. Esme hoped it would be Yale, that way maybe she and Edward would become friends if nothing more.

"So, get in a circle," ordered Jessica, clapping her hands to gain the attention of the crowd around her.

"Girl/boy/girl, hold hands, move out a bit , we need about twelve players."

Edward had been watching amused but removed until she said 'hold hands' then he quickly dove into the line up and managed to stand beside Bella Swan. Lauren was forgotten but she had been chatting to a couple of boys he didn't know, and he had seen all three walk out to a large BMW and they had disappeared in the backseat, so he was not going to go knock on the window and demand his 'date' back. Watching Emmett's porn dvd's were one thing, watching a live display, not so appealing. Especially as he planned to explore her body himself later tonight.

Maybe he should insist she shower first? Seemed appropriate.

Bella was holding a drink in her hand, Edward was relieved to see it was merely a soda in a can and not one of Emmett's specialties, and she looked about for a surface to ditch it on. Edward smiled and took it from her, and gasped slightly as she let him take it from her and his fingers touched hers. Her fingers were cold, from the drink, yet once their fingers stopped touching as she removed her hand, the can felt like nothing, neutral. He would not have had any idea of it's temperature had her hand not cooled from holding it.

He quickly ditched it and reached back for her hand and he stood there with his eyes closed as his heart raced and his hands relayed messages to his brain, small hand, smooth skin, slightly damp, chilled, fingers warmer than palm.

He almost sighed out loud at the sensations.

"Edward, you can let her hand go now," growled Jessica. Edward looked, they had all dropped hands and had moved to make a circle with each player approximately equidistant from the rest. Except he and Bella were so close their bodies touched.

Jess sighed in exasperation and physically pushed them apart and Edward felt nothing, again.

His heart slowed down to the normal pace and he looked at the girl beside him, and wondered, why her? Why was she the one person he had encountered that he could feel? Were there others like her out there? He had avoiding touching anyone for so long, now he was filled with regrets. Maybe there were others, and he had never tried so he didn't find them.

She smelt intriguing but his nose, for once, was not the source of his biggest joy tonight. He had to touch her again.

He looked up at the mention of his name.

"Come on Edward, truth or dare," Jessica scolded.

"Um, dare," he hurriedly answered.

He knew the only 'truth' she would try and make him reveal.

"Don't you want to know the question first?" she sneered."I will ask anyway. Do you have any condition the people here would be surprised to learn about?"

She stood waiting, triumphant in her power over him.

"I said dare, I believe," he growled.

"Okay," she smirked, leading him into the center of the circle, placing a blindfold over his eyes, and forcing him to twirl around and around, losing his bearings.

"Now, nobody can speak, just hold out your right hand, Edward has to walk inside the circle and figure out where he was standing in the circle before, or he gets a punishment," she chortled.

Edward quaked at the idea of a punishment from Jessica, it was bound to be something that revealed his handicap.

She placed him in front of the first member of the circle and held out his hand so he tapped hands with each person as he walked around. Nothing, nothing, nothing, all he felt was the faint slap of meeting an obstacle each time, then suddenly his hand lit up and jolted as if a flow of electric current had charged through it.

"I was here, beside this person, Bella," he said.

Jessica pulled the mask from his face and looked puzzled.

"Right," she said, intrigued.

"Next victim," called out Jasper, taking the spotlight off his friend as he knew he would want.

The game progressed and they had people sculling shots and kissing strangers or better still exes or enemies, Jessica was somewhat cruel in her intentions, towards all her classmates.

"Okay, new game, seven minutes in Heaven," she announced.

The girls all wrote their names on a small page of a notepad and dropped them into Jessica's salad bowl and she called out the boys name then chose a name from the bowl and announced it loudly.

When it became Edward's turn, she pulled him to the center and took the next name in the bowl.

Angela Webber.

Too boring, they would spent seven minutes in the closet discussing the periodic table.

"Bella Swan," Jessica announced, screwing up the paper quickly and dropping it in her pocket.

Something was going on between these two and there would be nothing as efficient as seven minutes of useless fumbling to burst this girl's stupid bubble. She had been looking at Edward with such longing all night, let's give her a dose of realty. She would have been better off boning Riley, at least he could feel, thought Jessica maliciously.

She pushed them both inside the storage closet and locked the door, holding the key up and laughing.

"Timer!" she ordered, and Eric Yorkie hit his stopwatch.

xxx xxx xxx

Bella had no intention of letting this brief opportunity pass her by and she amazed herself by launching her body at him the moment the door shut. Edward looked shocked but he quickly caught her and ran his hands down her side, moaning slightly.

"Kiss me," she demanded and his lips twitched.

He leaned in slowly, breathing her in, hoping against hope...

He could feel her body, surely her lips...

His own melted as they made contact and his whole body was flooded with warmth.

Her lips were...soft, warm, eager, and they tasted like nothing he had ever encountered.

He pulled back to gasp in oxygen quickly and heard her do the same then he descended again, quickly, his hands everywhere, feeling, oh my God, feeling.

She stood back suddenly and jerked the small cami off, tossing it on the ground then molding herself back against him.

Shit, the shirt, he had to lose the shirt. He fumbled and tugged and heard buttons bounce on the floor as he ripped it away impatiently and then his chest was pressed against her naked breasts as his lips sought hers again and he desperately kissed her and pulled her in closer, squashing her breasts against him.

Her nipples pebbled and he felt the movement.

Oh my God.

He pushed her back and looked at them, two small, now pointed buds, and his fingers reached forward and stroked them. Bella was biting her bottom lip, like she was impatient he was wasting time, but he had never felt a nipple before and it was too amazing to stop.

"Bella," he sighed, unable to voice all the feelings jolting through his body.

He gently rolled the right hand nipple with his fingers and his lips were suddenly on her left breast, without any thought beforehand and his tongue was tasting and licking and sucking on it.

Bella was moaning and he felt his body break into a blush, at her response, at her sounds.

His pants were suddenly tight and he jumped back in shock, keeping just a finger against her skin.

Fuck.

He was feeling everything, everywhere.

His dick was twitching and hard and trying to break free.

Bella looked down and reached her hand out, stroking him on top of the fabric of his jeans.

"No, no, you have to.." he uttered in desperation.

He had his zip open and his boxers down his thighs and his erection sprung free.

"Please, please, Bella, just touch me," he begged.

Her small hand was around his shaft in seconds and she started to stroke up and down, as Jake had taught her in their few sessions of touching one another.

Edward was still, his eyes fixed on her hand, watching, his lips moving, speaking, but no words emerged.

Bella had no idea what was going on in his head, he had been with Jessica, for God's sake, how could her fumblings be so vital to him? She was a novice, Jessica had spent time with college boys and rumor had it, a teacher.

She quickened her pace and rolled her hand over the head of his penis and watched him hiss and almost collapse.

"Edward," she said, quietly.

"Just keep touching me, please, please, Bella," he cried and she resumed.

His hips were thrusting into her hand and she added her other hand to both stroke up and down and to tease his tip.

His eyes were rolling around in his head and his knees were giving out, he was almost kneeling.

"Bella, Bella, Bella,Bella, Bella," he chanted as he rocked.

His movements became harder and erratic and his seed burst forth and soaked her belly.

She looked at his face, he was in absolute ecstasy.

She must have improved since Jake, was all she could think.

He was on his knees, his arms clasped around her thighs, his face now hidden from hers.

She was unsure what to do, so she stood there, wiping away the evidence of his orgasm with a paper towel from the bucket of cleaning supplies, dropping it back into the bucket when she was done.

He suddenly stood up and held her face in his hands.

"Thank you, you have no idea, no idea," he rambled, kissing her deeply.

"You maybe should pull your jeans up, it must be time," she said quietly, mystified.

Jake had enjoyed what he taught her but he had never cried.

She was shocked at the tears falling from Edward's beautiful emerald eyes.

She wiped them away with her finger but he didn't care, he was staring into her eyes in a way that was so unsettling, so intense.

He picked up her top and pulled it over her head, pausing to kiss each nipple quickly, then pulling the cami into place.

"Bella, thank you, thank you," he sighed, having managed to rezip his pants and holding her tightly, kissing the top of her head.

The door burst open as she handed him the shirt, now fairly buttonless.

"Oh wow," said Jessica in shock, standing back. Edward Cullen flushed, his hair in disarray, his eyes shining, what the fuck had gone down in here?

Bella walked out and took a new unopened soda and Edward rushed past everyone and stood at her side, uncaring that his torso was bare and the others were tittering.

"Bella, I need to talk to you, would you come with me to my room," he asked quietly, against her ear, his shirt clasped in one hand.

"Okay," she answered, and he took her hand in his, carefully, relishing the feeling as their skin contacted and surged.

He led her up the staircase in the kitchen, ignoring the wolf whistles and laughter and crude comments shouted at them as they passed.

His door opened and he removed the key and stood back, allowing her entrance.

Bella stood at the foot of his bed and looked around the room. Her entire house would probably fit in this room and she walked to peer in the adjoining bathroom. My God, the bathtub, the double sink, the shower stall! She wanted to do something that left her in need of a shower.

She blushed as she realized what she had thought.

Edward was sitting on the side of his bed.

"Bella, I have this condition, this medical thing..."

"What?" she asked, worriedly, walking quickly to his side.

"Nothing communicable," he reassured her.

"Are you sick?" she asked.

"I have an absence of feeling. I can't feel anything I touch or when anyone touches me. Except you."

She was startled.

She already knew he felt her touch, that was obvious.

"Why me? Is something wrong with me?" she asked.

"God, no, you are perfect. I have never felt anyone else so I guess I am a little prejudiced but I can feel you, Bella."

"What do you mean you can't feel?" she said, standing back. "You have been with Jessica Stanley. You must have felt her. She would never waste her time with anyone who didn't...relieve her tension...in some way."

"I did use my fingers on her and she did stuff to me but I couldn't feel it. I have never felt anything, no desire, no longing, now that's all I can feel. Because of you."

Bella shook her head. This was insane. Or at least, very strange.

"The first time , the time you fell asleep against me on the sofa in the dungeon, I felt your warmth. I don't feel warmth, or coldness or anything. Then when I touched your arm. I could feel your heat. And at the beach. Your arm was cold!" he said, as if that were some kind of miracle.

"Okay, that's different," she answered, unsure how to react.

"And now, in that closet...that's the first time I have climaxed with sensation...I felt it build up and I felt it almost hurt then it just...exploded. It was awesome, incredible. Usually I am barely aware of coming. You have had Novocaine?"

"Yes," she answered, suddenly understanding.

"That's what everything feels like to me. You know how you gnaw on your lip and later you feel the pain? Same for me, I gnaw on my lip but I never feel the result, I only know I did it because of the blood. I can't feel anything, anyone. But you."

Bella smiled.

"And now?"

"Can we just lie here and touch?" he asked, his eyes desperate for her to say yes.

Bella stripped her top off again and then unbuttoned her jeans and paused.

"Naked?" she asked.

"Naked would be good, that would be amazing," he admitted.

She bit her lip and looked deep in thought.

"I would never do anything you didn't want me to do. I know I got carried away down there in that closet but I couldn't stop. I needed you to do that for me. But I will not touch you in any way that you don't want me to. You are in charge. Of everything."

Bella smiled.

"So, if I touch you again and if I let you touch me, you will be in my debt?" she questioned.

"Oh, absolutely. Anything you want, anything, just ask."

Bella continued undressing. This could be just what she needed. If he was sooo grateful for another hand job, maybe even a blow job, that should blow his mind as well as his dick, then she could maybe ask him to pop that damn cherry and going on his reaction in the closet, he would do it without a second thought!

And he may well even remember it just as she would.

"Am I staying all night, because I will need to set up an alibi," she said.

Edward thought his heart may well go into arrhythmia. All night? All night! She was willing to let him touch her all night! What was the time? 10pm, the night had barely begun.

"That would be good," he said, hoping his extreme eagerness was not showing as blatantly as he was sure it was.

"Could you get Alice and Rose to come up here for a minute. please. And I need to borrow a bathrobe before they get here."

Edward frowned, then rushed to comply. The sooner whatever she needed to do happened, the sooner they could have their own party. He handed his own newly washed robe to her and hoped her scent would impregnate it as it had the sweater. He unlocked his door as he waited for the girls to respond to the quick text he had sent them both.

Alice skipped into the bedroom and Rose walked in behind her, looking amused.

"We don't do foursomes" she joked. "Nice outfit, Bella."

Bella smiled.

"I just need you two to sound like we are up to all manner of girlie shit on our sleepover, then Charlie may agree to let me stay all night. Thanks, Alice, Rose."

She dialled the number of the station, and Charlie answered.

"Bells? What's the problem?"

"No problem. Esme has arranged some spa night type thing for the girls and Alice wants to do some conditioning treatment on my hair and I really should sleepover, is that okay?"

"Rose, not the plum, I only wear red nailpolish, you know that," growled Alice, grinning.

"Well, don't think you are putting that hair straightener anywhere near me. Bella, get off the phone, your facemask is done, it has to come off now," she warned.

"Dad, I have to go, my facemask is cracking. Is this okay, Alice? It feels kind of weird."

"Get in the shower now!" she ordered, grabbing the phone.

"Charlie, Bella has to get in the shower or we will be chipping the avocado mask off her with a chisel. She will be home in time for lunch tomorrow, see you. Fine, I'll tell her. Esme, I am not putting hair rollers in Bella's hair, I have a hot iron to curl it with. Sorry, Charlie, our Mom is just so stuck in the past. Bye," she chirped, closing Bella's cellphone.

Both girls stood with their arms folded.

"Well, how did we do?" Alice smirked.

"Great, thanks."

"And we will be doing all that shit to you in the morning after breakfast, I never promise a makeover and fail to follow through. Night all," she laughed, skipping out of the bedroom.

Rose winked at Edward.

"Have a good night, you two. Don't do anything Emmett and I wouldn't do," she laughed, pulling the door closed behind her.

Edward walked over and locked the door again.

"I can't believe you are going to stay with me all night," he said, walking to her and untying his robe cord.

"Undress, time is wasting," Bella ordered.

"Could we have a shower together first?" Edward asked shyly. He had dreamed of being in a shower with this girl. Tonight may be a one off, if he didn't come up to whatever standard Jacob had set already. He was not concerned about his performance, he would be rubbish. No doubt he would come the minute she touched him again and if she let him inside her, the sensation would either kill him or bring on his orgasm instantly, no doubt.

Then he remembered, Bella had been hoping Riley would take her virginity. Was it possible Jacob had not beaten him to it?

"Bella, are you a virgin?" he asked her, stroking her hair. It felt. It was soft, and smooth and it slipped through his fingers but mainly, it felt. He could feel it.

"Yes, but not after tonight," she answered boldly. "I will do whatever you want but there has to be cherry popping involved, okay?"

"God yes, but be aware, I have never made love before. I will be awful."

"We shall see. If you are awful, you will have to keep practising until you get it right," she said, smiling but her eyes were serious.

Edward tossed his jeans and boxers into the laundry hamper and turned the shower to the mark.

"What's that?" Bella asked.

"Esme painted it there with her nailpolish, it's the mark that shows me when the temperature is right."

"Really? No feeling at all?" she mused.

"I can feel everything at the moment," he answered, his erection proof positive of that.

"Well, follow me," said Bella, taking his dick in her hand and leading him into the shower.

Tonight was not a night of blushing and acting coy, if she was doing this, she was doing this right and getting something out of it for herself. She had the rest of her life to revert to dowdy, insecure, mousey Bella Swan.

She may be making him feel things but he was making her feel as well. His touch made her feel alive and needy and his eyes made her feel beautiful. Nobody had ever made her feel that way before.

Edward gasped as the water hit his body and his mouth curved into a broad smile. That felt so amazing, hundreds of little stabs of almost pleasure. Bella released her hand from around him and reached for the shower gel. Time for some sweet smelling lubrication on her hand.

Edward stood still.

"Fuck, no," he howled.

"What's wrong?" she asked in confusion.

"I fucking just lost it again, I can't feel the water," he cried in anguish.

Bella reached out and touched his face, hers full of sorrow at missed opportunities.

"Bella, I can feel you, I can feel the water again. Take your hand away."

She did so.

"Gone. Put it back."

She touched his again, rubbing her fingers over the roughness of his five o'clock shadow, his stubble felt amazing. She was contemplating where else she would like to feel that rub on her body as he grabbed her roughly and held her tightly.

"I can feel, everything, when you are touching me. Without you, I feel nothing. I can't imagine the explanation for that," he exclaimed.

Bella reached down and clasped his dick and started stroking it, slowly, gripping tighter as she neared the tip.

Edward was gone already, his eyes fluttering closed, his teeth clenched as a hiss escaped.

Bella laughed softly, she felt like some Goddess, some sexpert. She knew that was not the case, but it felt awesome to have the power to affect this beautiful man in this way.

Her hand moved faster and he grinned and bucked, and put a hand against the tiles.

Bella slid down and took him into her mouth.

Edward's own mouth fell open and his eyes bored down into hers.

"Bellaaa," he choked out.

She twirled her tongue around the tip and he stilled, almost overcome with sensation.

There was no way way she would ever fit all of him inside her small mouth, he was rather large.

She placed a hand around his shaft and stroked as she sucked and licked.

Edward was alight, his eyes lit with fire, his cheeks blushing with a soft red color, as she worked him harder.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," he chanted, lost again.

She grinned and let him in a little deeper, fighting her gag reflex. How did she judge when he was about to release? No way was he doing that in her mouth. She had always pulled off Jake and finished him by a few quick firm strokes of her hand when he warned her he was getting close.

"I.." he gasped and she felt the warm liquid spurt inside her throat. She swallowed in reflex and he moaned so loudly her own sex dampened. She swallowed again and it was gone.

He pulled out and looked chagrined.

"I'm so sorry, I just didn't have much warning," he said, looking truly repentant.

"That's okay, it wasn't as bad as I expected, actually," she said, savoring his taste.

"Kiss me, taste yourself," she ordered.

Edward was not missing any opportunity to kiss her so he pulled her up and planted his lips on hers and pushed his tongue inside. The taste was fairly bland, he supposed, salty, but he preferred her usual own flavor.

Bella turned the water off and pulled him out of the shower, by his hand this time. They quickly dried off with the fluffy towels that made Bella want to swoon.

"Why are these towels warm?" she asked.

Edward reached for her hand and then touched the towel rail.

"Its heated, it would appear. I have never known that."

"What a waste, I am sneaking in here every morning for my shower in future."

Edward blinked, God, if only she meant that.

They hung the towels up and Edward led her to his bed, opening the covers and feeling the cool silkiness of the sheets.

How could he hold her hand forever, and feel all these things that he had never felt before? It was amazing. How come ordinary people didn't spend their whole lives just feeling everything in their vicinity, he was sure he would. If he ever got out of the shower, or his bed, with her.

Bella lay back and opened her arms to him and he lay beside her and stroked every inch of her body. Her breasts were warm, soft but firm, the muscles underneath harder. He lightly flicked her nipples and watched them pebble. Her belly was soft and smooth, and her core was waiting there, between her thighs.

He skimmed a finger along her folds.

"No hair?" he asked, remembering the first time he saw that, at the beach.

"it makes everything feel more sensitive," she explained.

"Fuck, you are so lucky. I would settle for any degree of feeling."

"No, you would be like everyone else, always wanting more."

"Maybe," he answered, quirking an eyebrow. Oh, the luxury of wanting extra sensation.

"Please don't have any expectations of tonight, I have never done this, not even without feeling. I will explode the minute I am inside," he apologized.

"Maybe the first time," she answered.

Edward felt himself harden even more at her words.

The first time.

His fingers eased her folds apart and slid along the inside area, and she moaned a little as he hit her clit.

He felt her swell as he rubbed her gently, and he pushed a finger inside. He had done this before, to Jess, but it had been nothing like this. He felt her warmth, her wetness, her tightness. Would he even be able to fit inside her core? Now he understood why she wanted him to do this. She didn't want to be untouched, unstretched, needing the boy to be slow and patient getting her prepared.

Most would want to shove themselves straight inside, not wanting to bother with foreplay and anyone this tight was nowhere near ready for that.

"May I look?" he asked.

Bella blushed a delicious shade of pink and nodded.

"Don't be embarrassed, it's the blind leading the blind here. I know no more than you. How many boys have fingered you?"

"Jake," she answered.

"Well, I have only ever fingered Jessica so we are even," he answered.

He slid down the bed and looked inside her folds and stroked where he looked.

She smelled intoxicating and he licked against her clit, experimentally.

Jessica had wanted him to do this but he hadn't tried. The whole idea of biting her accidentally had put him off.

Now he felt everything, Bella's flesh, even her need even seemed to permeate his tongue. He pushed and felt his tongue slide inside her. She gasped a little. So, it would seem Jake had not been here with his tongue.

"Relax, Bella, you may even like this," he coaxed, returning to his chore.

What a chore, it would be easier to bring her to climax like this, surely, than with his inexperienced dick. He sucked her clit in, like Emmett had painstakingly explained girls liked, and flicked his tongue against it.

"Edward," said Bella, in a voice full of surprise and longing. "Edwardd.."

He took that as a sign he was doing things right and he started pushing his finger in and out of her sex, then he put a second finger in along with the first. She was so tight.

He briefly wondered how many men Jessica had experienced, she was much more lax in this area, that was for sure.

He felt emboldened, nobody had ever been inside Bella and so he really didn't have to beat anyone else's efforts. Of course, when she got to college and other boys had the honor of being inside her, she would know just how unskilled he had been, but for tonight, he would be the best she had ever had.

The only one she had ever had.

He pushed his fingers in deeper, faster, harder and he was rewarded, he sucked on her clit and he felt her tremble and grab his hair, pulling it, grasping, gasping, shaking.

"Edward!" she screamed as she shuddered in his mouth.

Fuck, well, that was awesome.

He tasted the wetness that escaped from her sex, rolling his tongue around to get every drop.

"Kiss me," he growled and climbed back up, forcing her lips apart and pushing her nectar inside her own mouth. Her tongue stroked against his and his dick hardened further.

Her heart was racing, beating hard and fast against his chest, and he could feel every beat. He hadn't expected that and he lay his head gently on her breasts when the kiss ended.

He listened as it slowed back down to normal and he smirked. He had done that to her. He wondered how that orgasm rated amongst the one's the Quileute boy had given her. He was confident it had been good.

"Holy fuck," Bella said and he sat up and looked at her.

"What?"

"What the fuck was that?" she asked.

"What?" he asked again, confused.

"That fucking implosion? I felt like I was ripping into a million pieces, but in a good way."

"Your orgasm? Surely you have felt that before?" he queried, amazed.

"I think I would remember if I had. That was...fucking awesome."

"Didn't Jacob ever.."

"He made me feel..quite nice, warm, fuzzy, he never fucking well made me tingle in my fingertips. He never made my body float to the stars and back. He never made me explode like some atomic bomb. He never made my toes curl."

Edward laughed.

"Welcome to my world. Nobody ever did any of those things to me, either, before you."

She did understand.

He stroked her face. She was so beautiful and the red blush made her even more appealing to his eye.

"Bella, I..."

He stopped.

He could not say that to her, he hardly knew her. He knew her body more than he knew her mind, anyway he was no doubt mixing up gratitude for something more. He didn't love her. The very idea was laughable.

"I really love having you here, with me," he said. That was true.

"I'm glad it was you. I'm glad that out of all the girls in Forks, you are the one I can feel, with. I really like you, Bella and I know I am so fucking grateful for everything you are doing for me that you are thinking it is just that, gratitude, but it's more, way more. I can't explain."

He shook his head.

"I'm glad it's me, too. And I am glad you will be the one who takes me to womanhood," she laughed at the cheesy line.

"No, really, Edward, apparently we girls always remember our first and I am just amazed and so happy it's you."

He pulled her small body in close and felt the tears she was shedding and was surprised to feel his own. This was turning into something far more than just a physical thing. The emotions were stronger in a way than the touching of their bodies.

He held her for a while, kissing her hair, stroking her arm, just enjoying being lost here, lost with her, lost inside feelings and hope and expectations.

She wriggled out of his arms and used the bathroom so he opened his bedside drawer and got out the tube of lube a hopeful Emmett had bought for him a while ago.

He read the expiry date, it was still well within that deadline, and he warmed it between his hands. Not that he could tell, with her gone again.

Bella climbed back into bed and once she touched him, thigh against thigh, he could feel the gel had warmed up.

"I think we should use lube, you are really tight and I don't want to hurt you," he explained.

Bella rose again and went back to the bathroom, returning with a dry towel.

"I think your Mom may not notice if a towel goes missing but she will notice a stained sheet," she said, laying the towel on the bed and then laying on it herself. "It will hurt me, anyway, that's one of the prices we girls pay."

"Well, I will take it slow and try not to be too needy," he promised.

He opened her folds and eased his lube covered fingers inside her, stretching her gently as he coated her with it.

Then he coated his erection and felt the unfamiliar thrill of his own hand.

Bella grinned.

"See what you have been missing. What every other teenage boy feels compelled to do every single night, by himself if not with some girl."

"You are not 'some girl', you are Bella. You are very special," he replied. He kissed her gently and she kissed him back, rolling her body close to his.

"We should use a condom, I suppose," he said, hearing the disappointment in his own voice as he said it.

"You haven't been with any other girls? And I have never been with a boy. I am on the Pill already, have been since...well, since puberty."

"Are you saying we are not going to use one?" he gasped, his voice revealing the joy the very idea was bringing him.

"No, let's just do this," she said.

Edward held her folds apart and pushed his tip inside, wincing in anticipation of her pain. She was so tight.

He stroked her clit and felt her try to relax.

He kissed her face gently, and sang to her, softly, as he inched inside.

"I got sunshine, on a cloudy day," he murmured. He grinned when he recognised the song.

Well, she was his girl, if only for today.

"I think you need to just do it," she said.

Edward pushed in harder and felt her barrier protest and break and he looked at her face anxiously.

"Keep going, keep going," she cried.

He could feel her opening up to him but not enough. He continued pushing and he felt a sudden rush of blood from her body, coating him, making things easier.

He pushed hard and felt himself slide in fully. She was so, so soft, so warm, so wet now.

He breathed slowly. The sensations were overwhelming for him, as they were for her, but in different ways. She was trying not to reveal how bad the pain was to him, he was trying to control the pleasure his body had been ignited with.

"Do it, just do it, it is going to hurt like a bitch for me so at least I need you to get something out of this," she pleaded.

Edward kissed her tenderly. It was too late to back out now, she had given him the gift of her virginity and he needed more. It was what she wanted, she didn't want to remember her first time as a total failure, he could understand that.

He moved back out then plunged in, fuck, so tight, so fucking tight.

He would not be lasting long, and that was now a blessing.

He caught her gaze and held it as he plunged in and out, deeper, each time, until he knew he was hitting against her cervix. She wasn't flinching, but her hands were gripping his arms so tightly he knew she was enduring this for him.

He accepted her gift and kept going, his head somewhere in the clouds, his heart swelling at her sacrifice.

Her deep brown eyes reflected something more than he had expected, but then, he reasoned, his feelings for her were expanding faster than her body was, so it was probable she was falling a little in love with him, just because he was her first.

He smiled and thrust again and again and he felt the feeling, the tightening, the desperate need.

"Bella, Bella, " he cried as his thrusts became so much more needy and erratic. He wanted this to be over, for her, but to last forever, for him.

She was moving, slightly, moving with him, he noticed with surprise, no longer just laying there trying to last the distance.

He rubbed her clit with his thumb and she moaned quietly.

"Are you okay?' he gasped.

"Fine, now, fine, keep doing that," she begged and he moved even faster. She was starting to writhe, and he watched her eyes as she suddenly stilled and the waves of her pulsing surrounded his penis, but it felt like they were surrounding his entire body, rolling over him, pulling him in, taking him with her. He grunted and pushed in again and felt himself release inside her.

His body pulsed with hers and he moved a little, to keep it going.

Fuck.

Just fuck.

Everything hit him at once, what he had missed, what he would miss again, what he was feeling.

He desperately kissed at her lips, biting her full pouty lower lip, tasting a trace of blood as he roughly mouthed hers.

His hands were cupping her face and his body was still deep inside her and he wanted so very badly to stay here, like this, forever.

His mind was racing through ways to make it happen. He could keep her here, tie her up, marry her, lock her in his room, refuse to let her leave, marry her, tell Charlie she had run away.

He stopped in his tracks.

Marry her?

He had been sent insane by the whole experience.

He withdrew from inside her and tried no to react at the sight of the blood, so much more blood than he had expected. He held the towel between her legs and waited to see if she was actively bleeding or just ridding her body of blood already pooled inside. Was this normal? He was coated himself, with her red fluid. So much blood.

"Maybe I should have a shower," said Bella. Edward snapped back to complete awareness.

"Let me help you," he said, getting off the bed and helping her up, turning the shower to the dot indicated, helping her step inside, under the glorious water.

He stepped in behind her and grabbed a clean washcloth and soaked it under the shower.

She was standing with her legs apart and he reached down and washed her gently, washing away the blood. There was no more to follow, so he relaxed. She had lost blood, but was not bleeding as such.

He washed himself off and then turned her and clasped her inside his embrace, kissing her over and over.

"That was truly the pinnacle of my life. I will never forget this, or you, Bella, for as long as I live," he said sincerely, from the heart. Girls remembered their first time, maybe guys did too, and just didn't talk about it. He didn't want to share this experience with anyone, anyone but the girl in his arms.

"I know I am being a fool here but can I love you a little bit for this?" he asked.

"I understand, I feel kind of bonded to you too," she answered, and he held her tighter.

He turned the water off and dried her with the warm towel and took her back to his bed, discarding the towel on the bed onto the bathroom floor to be dealt with later. He chuckled a little at what Bella had said, about Esme not missing one towel. He even had a feeling Esme would cry in happiness if he left it for her to wash. She wanted him to be happy, and she would know he had done something normal boys his age did, if she washed that towel.

He did want to share some of this with her, and his siblings. He wanted them to know he had felt so very much and now he understood their bonds and needs for each other. He couldn't even imagine what it must be like, to feel what he had felt today, whenever you chose to. He wished college was over, not about to begin. He wished he was older, and employed and able to offer this girl something. A life, a partnership.

He would always have love for her in his heart, he knew that already.

No matter if he did find other girls in the future that made him feel as she did, he would always have a special place in his heart for Bella Swan.

xxx xxx xxx

Bella rolled and winced a little as her body reminded her what she had put it through. The first time...well, let's just say she was extremely glad that was over and done with. That had been pretty bad, she had hoped it would be better than that but his size and her tightness, it had hurt. A lot. The blood had made it better and his thumb on her clit had ended it well, but it was still quite a horrible experience.

Edward was asleep, seeing it was, what... 6.03 blinked his bedside clock.

She wriggled out of his arms and went to his bathroom and hissed as she peed and felt the sting. Thank God Charlie spent his whole life avoiding any conversations about bodily functions, she could just leave her packet of tampons out in the bathroom and he wouldn't ask her any questions, even if she spent the next few days huddled in a ball.

Edward was awake when she walked back in.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," she said quietly as he reached for her. She snuggled into his arms and he kissed her face.

"I lost feeling and it woke me up," he said gruffly. It was difficult, being dependant on her so much. He had always been a loner and this was new and bloody frightening. Now the initial ecstasy had passed, he knew he could have easily said things that would have may have trapped them both forever. They were seventeen, almost eighteen, there was no way they could marry and they really didn't want to, he knew that. It was just the fucking awesomeness of her making him be able to feel that was fucking with his brain.

Maybe they could get a place at college and live together for a while. Then they would be able to sort out in their heads if this was what they wanted. Did he love her? He knew he felt far more for her than he felt for any other human being, even Esme but was it really love? Time alone would tell.

Bella reached down and grasped his dick and he relaxed and let the feelings take him over again. He was inside her in minutes, and it was way easier this time. She was wet with need and he pushed in quickly and felt her move with him, from the start. She was feeling it too, the need, the longing, the race for the finish. It was better, way better, he thought as he rocked inside her and rubbed her clit, pinching it when he knew time was up, he was coming with or without her. She shuddered and pulsed at the same time he did and he said a silent thanks to Emmett for the tips he had imparted.

They lay together afterwards, and he sang to her again, something more normal and not so needy.

"I'm walking on sunshine," he sang, stroking her arms.

"Morning, good morning, time to wake up," yelled Alice, banging on the door.

Edward felt so torn. He needed some distance from Bella, to think and sort through his brain, but he was loathe to leave her as well. The touching would be gone, amongst other things. How much did that fact make him want to be with her? It was like she had been made especially for him, to complete him, but did he want to need another person to feel that way?

Bella rose and headed for his shower and he stood in beside her and she rested a hand on his shoulder as she washed herself. She understood, he thought, she knew and probably felt as confused as he did.

They dressed in silence and he grabbed her before she walked out of his door.

"Thank you, so very much," he sighed, kissing the top of her head.

"My pleasure, and I do mean that. If you need any letters of recommendation to take to college, let me know," she smirked, and kissed him slowly and gently on the lips.

Edward stood and watched her walk downstairs and be grabbed by the little pixie and music filled the house as Alice and Bella danced around, shaking their hips and singing loudly.

Oh the clever

things I should say to you

They got stuck somewhere

Stuck between me and you

Oh I'm nervous

I don't know what to do

Light a cigarrette

I only smoke when I'm with you

What the hell do I do this for?

You're just another guy

OK, you're kind of sexy

But you're not really special

But I won't mind

If you take me home

Come on, take me home

I won't mind

if you take off all your clothes

Come on, take them off

'Cause I like you so much better when you're naked

I like me so much better when you're naked

I like you so much better when you're naked

I like me so much better when you're naked

Edward shook his head and laughed. Maybe it was that simple.

XxX xXx XxX xXx

Bella climbed out of her truck and walked to the front door. Charlie was sitting at the table, cleaning his guns and he whistled as he looked her over. Her hair looked shiny and curled up like that, it suited her face. She was subtlely but appropriately made up and the clothes were clearly not hers.

"Alice lent me the dress," she said in answer to his look.

"Very nice. You should think about wearing dresses more often. Good night?"

"Excellent night," she replied.


	4. Chapter 4

Warm

Chapter 4

Edward nervously approached the door to his parents retreat and knocked quickly, before he lost his courage.

"Come in," called Esme.

The house had been clean, undamaged, in one piece when they got home today, Bella Swan had been escaping Alice's clutches, her hair done up in curls and make-up making her natural prettiness even more so.

Carlisle had raised an eyebrow at the length and shapeliness of her legs, out of jeans for once. She had good legs and he was a leg man so he would know.

He assumed she had slept in Edward's bed because Rose and Alice did not do girlie sleepovers, not when they had the boys waiting for them. Edward was sitting in the sitting room, supposedly reading but actually watching Bella Swan as she laughed and joked with Alice.

So that's how it was.

He caught Bella looking at Edward, too, as she looked into the mirror, ignoring her own reflection.

Well, no doubt Edward would tell him and Esme in his own time. He hoped they had used protection and wondered if she would be a regular now, climbing in Edward's window just as Rose climbed into Emmett's. Maybe he should just hand them keys to the front door.

Now it seemed like the time had come. Edward paced skittishly back and forth.

"Bella stayed over last night. We had sex, made love."

He paused and looked at them both.

"Do you want applause?" Carlisle asked, smiling.

"No, I want to ask you what the hell this means. I felt her. I felt everything. I felt her skin, my skin, her temperature, the water in the shower but only if she kept in contact with me, when her hand wasn't touching me, I felt nothing, as usual. And I feel nothing again today."

"So, when you say you two made love...you felt it?"

Edward grinned and shook his head.

"Boy, did I feel it. It was awesome," he admitted.

"How strange. Did the condom reduce the sensations?" Carlisle asked.

"We didn't use one. Hang on, let me explain. We were both virgins so no chance of disease, and she is on the Pill, which you no doubt know. I offered to use one, she didn't think it necessary and to be honest, I wanted to feel it all, uncovered."

Carlisle nodded.

"Yes, but have you forgotten, you exchanged blood with Riley Biers. Now she has to be tested as well."

"Fuck no, fuck Carlisle. I didn't even remember."

"Edward, my patient files are completely confidential but I am going to say something I shouldn't. I don't have any patients currently, that have any std's or HIV exposure. Some of them are tested weekly, due to their lifestyles, well, only one, actually. His mother is very over protective, though rightly so. I am not going to name any names but I don't need you angsting over something new."

"Thanks, Dad," he said, visibly calmer.

"Don't ever take another chance like that again. I mean it. Is this going to be a regular thing with Bella?"

"We graduate next month, I don't know what is going to happen. I suppose if we end up in colleges close enough to live together, maybe I can persuade her to share with me, even if just as room mates."

"Do you want to keep seeing her?" he asked.

"Definitely if we are close enough to date at least. But not if it's long distance. I don't think that would work. There's no time to build anything much between us before we have to go away," he answered.

"Did you ask her where she is going?" asked Esme, smiling gently at him. Edward had felt, and that was momentous, but he would be even more likely to shrivel and die now, without Bella.

"She must be attending an ivy league, she is probably the smartest girl in school," he answered.

"Maybe you could invite her to come to dinner . She could stay overnight, if she wants to," Esme said, making sure he knew she was as welcome as Rose.

"Thanks, Mom. I will invite her."

xxx xxx xxx

Edward carried Bella's bag into class and she sat beside him, even in those classes that had assigned seating. Nobody cared, school was rapidly winding down now exams were over.

"So, where are you going to college?" he asked her, hoping against hope it was Yale.

"Ah, I'm not sure. It's a money thing. Depends if I get a scholarship."

"You will, surely. You are so clever."

"So are you."

"I don't need a scholarship."

"I know, but that's not how it works, they go to the top two students regardless of income and need."

"I think you will be fine. Where do you want to go?"

"Yale would be my first choice, and not just because you are going there and that's where this years winner's get to go," she answered.

"Oh, there are other reason's as well, then," he laughed.

"I could share a room with Angela, so no strangers," she answered.

"No, you could share an apartment off campus with me, even better."

"I couldn't afford that," she replied.

"I could. You would be doing me a massive favor, no strangers, worse, Emmett will share with me, and Rosalie, if I go alone and I will spend my life listening to them humping in the next bedroom all night long."

"And you want me there to listen with you?" she laughed.

"No, I want you there so we can see if we can be something. I really like you, Bella."

She blushed and he took her hand and felt the surge and he kissed her knuckles.

"I really think Charlie would prefer I lived with Angela. But we could still be friends," she added.

Of course she wanted far more than that, but she knew he would soon catch the eye of the rich girls and find one better suited. There must be other girls who made him feel, he would find one.

She had never been special in any way, her luck was hardly about to change now.

Edward was absorbed in feeling, barely listening to her.

He could feel the metal chair beneath him, cold and uncomfortable, he could feel the breeze on his cheek as the cracked pane of glass in the window beside him let it in. He could feel the scratch of the label inside his new shirt, at the back of his neck.

His shoes had been tightened differently, one felt snug, the other too cramped.

He sighed and revelled in just feeling.

xxx xxx xxx

"Edward, it looks like I am in with a chance after all," Angela said as she approached her study buddy.

Esme looked up and smiled and threw a quick wave to Angela, then continued tidying the room.

"What do you mean? You were always in the top three," Edward replied.

"Jessica just told me, Bella Swan was late for her History exam and didn't finish. I hate the fact I am not winning fair and square but you know how badly I need this scholarship to get out of Forks."

"You and I are usually neck to neck, I think the two winners will be you and Bella anyway," Edward answered, frowning. He was slightly weaker in two subjects than these girls but if Bella had not completed her History exam, things could be even tighter than they expected. She had scored a point higher than both himself and Angela in Biology, and he knew she had aced English Lit and scored the perfect score, the first student to ever do that at Forks High.

He sincerely hoped it was enough and that she had missed no more than two points on the History paper.

After Angela left, he cornered his parents upstairs and faced them both.

"Can you get me out of the competition for the scholarships?" he pleaded.

"Too late, Edward. There's no guarantee you will win one, those two girls are pretty damned awesome and are real competition, you know," Carlisle warned.

"I want them to be, it's the only way they will get to Yale, let's face it. You have already said paying my fees is not a problem,and with Riley Biers out of the running for the sports scholarship, Emmett is a shoe in. That's one free ride already for a Cullen."

Carlisle frowned at the memory of the late night call. Riley had been drinking and driving, a lethal combination. He was lucky to be alive, although whether he would walk again remained to be seen.

He knew exactly where Bella Swan had been, and why she had been late arriving at her exam. She had gone to Emergency with her father when Riley was brought into hospital in the early hours and had waited in the waiting room for news he had pulled through and ended up falling asleep on the hard bench. By the time she woke up, and raced off to school, she had missed the first fifteen minutes, and no exceptions were made, ever, for late arrival, in fact, Mrs Goss had broken the rules by letting her enter and sit the exam at all.

Normally arriving late meant you missed the exam completely. She had only relented because if anyone had a chance of catching up despite the late start, it was Bella, and she had never caused a single teacher a single moment of anger or anxiety, she was the shining hope of Forks High.

For acing the English Lit exam, she had already earned a free ride to SeattleU, so her future was already assured, she was going to college. The only question was, would it be Yale or closer to home?

"There's nothing I can do, son. You could have withdrawn before the exams but imagine if Bella found out you withdrew so she would win?" his father questioned.

"I could cope with that, but what if she misses out on Yale? She is my friend, Dad, I need her to be there, I need her to allow me to feel. If she doesn't go, I am not going either. I will go to SeattleU," he announced stubbornly.

"Edward, don't be absurd. The whole town would be insulted if you turned down the scholarship. If Bella is meant to go to Yale, she will beat you or Angela. To be honest. I hope she beats you. I like Angela and she needs a chance to blossom away from Forks and her family commitments."

Angela's parents were living paycheck to paycheck, both worked at unskilled jobs and the surprising arrival of twin boys long after their other three children had seriously jeopardized their lifestyle. Angela babysat the twins whenever she could, but everyone could see, if she stayed here and didn't win a place at Yale, her life was pretty much mapped out, babysitting, maybe having a part time job once her mother got home from her own job at the diner.

Angela would never escape. By the time the boys started school she would be so buried in work and commitments, she would probably marry a local boy and never use her brain in anything more academic than helping her four brothers and her own children with their homework.

Now, that would be a tragedy.

Bella Swan would simply attend a different college, she would still blossom and grow and graduate top of her classes and shine.

Charlie would probably burst with pride even if she attended community college somewhere.

Carlisle hoped the girls would win over his son, but Edward had to learn to accept Fate. If he and Bella were meant to be, four years apart would change nothing. She was becoming a regular around the house, often up in Edward's room listening to him play his guitar, her hand always touching him somewhere, keeping the connection. Edward had become addicted to her and her touch, and feeling.

Carlisle thought it may be a good thing to have them have to part and give them both space to work out in their own heads if it was love or simply co-dependency, a very different thing. He knew they were sleeping together, she stayed over several times a week and Edward was always absent if the Chief worked an all nighter.

Anyway, tomorrow would be the day all would be revealed.

The class would graduate, and Edward would turn eighteen the day after.

Carlisle knew he had no control over his eldest son once that happened but he hoped Edward would be sensible and go to Yale.

He had not mentioned the trust fund his biological parents had set up, their consciences had forced them to sign over an inheritance from their own parents who had all died during the last two years, so Edward actually had plenty of money of his own, once he turned 21.

Carlisle knew he had become somewhat impulsive lately and he was not about to mention this money until the actual day Edward could access the funds, otherwise he would no doubt borrow against it to pay for both Bella and Angela to attend Yale if need be.

That money was for his future, to buy his first home, Carlisle and Esme had discussed it and concluded nothing good would come of telling him about it early.

"Isabella Marie Swan" called the deputy Head as the students filed onto the stage and shook hands with the Headmaster and accepted their High School degrees. Charlie Swan and Billy and Jacob Black all clapped loudly, embarrassing the girl as she crossed the stage.

Charlie and Jake sat down reluctantly as the next student's name was called and Bella disappeared from their sight again.

When the last student finally accepted his paper, the crowd stood and the students sought out parents and tried to get out of family dinners to celebrate with friends instead. Eric Yorkie was throwing a party for the entire graduating class and all were welcome to come so most of the teens were hurrying through changing into their best clothes and getting the family part over, itching to leave and get things started. Nobody much had left yet, all were waiting for the two scholarship announcements, even though it was obvious nobody stood a chance themselves with three such clever students sharing the year already.

The only question was, which two would win?

Bella had a bad feeling, she had only missed the final two questions in the damned History exam but the last question she had answered, she had left a sketchy answer, and she feared it may be enough to drop her to third place. She had talked Charlie into sitting right beside the door so they could make a quick getaway if she was right. It would be so embarrassing if she lost, after working her whole school life towards this one goal.

Renee and Phil had booked a private dining room at a restaurant at Port Angeles, they could leave the moment the names were announced and slip away quickly, while the attention was on Edward and Angela, who she knew in her heart, had won. They deserved it and she was glad they would get their dreams.

SeattleU was not bad, it was fine by any standards, it was simply a bitter pill to swallow when it ran a distant second to Yale.

"Attention please. Could we have all students up here near the podium so the two winners can accept their prizes," announced Mrs Goss.

Edward and Angela did as instructed, as did Mike Newton, grinning cheekily, as if he had a snowballs chance in Hell. The other students laughed and he bowed in mock acknowledgement.

"Bella, move up the front," urged Charlie, quietly.

"No, if I win, I can get there in a minute, but I really think I blew it, Dad. Please just let's wait outside, we can still hear."

Charlie shook his head, there was no disgrace in coming third and everyone knew she would have walked all over the Cullen boy and Angela if she had been on time.

"Angela Webber and Edward Cullen. And could I add, the third place getter lost by a half point. But as we know, she is the recipient of a full scholarship to SeattleU, so we have three students who have done amazingly well. Edward and Angela, please come up onto the stage, and Bella, if you would also..."

The headmaster scanned the crowd. Angela was on stage already, her wide grin apparent to all, Edward was being led up by his father as he looked around desperately, for the Swan girl no doubt.

"It seems Miss Swan has left already. Now, Angela, congratulations, you too, Edward. Let me just take a minute to explain just what these scholarships mean..."

Bella sat in the cruiser and forbade herself to cry.

If she hadn't insisted on going to the hospital with Charlie when he was called in that night...but she had. Despite no longer being interested in Riley Biers as a boyfriend or anything else, she had spent much of her life adoring him and being concerned and caring that he lived through the accident had been a quite reasonable reaction.

She didn't regret showing she cared, she just wished it had been any other day.

Then she blushed red at her selfishness. He may never walk again, he had missed out on the sports scholarship, and his chance to play football professionally.

She had merely missed out on Yale. She still had SeattleU, the use of her legs and a bright future, it was up to her to make this a wholly positive experience.

By the time they arrived at dinner, she was smiling brightly and accepting her parents congratulations and was determined to only be grateful, not disappointed and sour. Only two students had topped her efforts even with the late start on the History exam, that was something to be proud of.

She refused to consider what it meant in terms of being separated from Edward.

xxx xxx xxx

The applause was deafening and Edward looked around desperately for Bella. What a travesty. She was a better student than he would ever be. Angela worked her ass off, and deserved her ticket out of town but he had to slave to earn every point, Bella just knew everything naturally.

Half a fucking point. If only he knew a month ago what he knew now, he would have deliberately lost marks on one of his exam papers. Carlisle already had agreed to pay for Yale, the scholarship meant nothing to them.

It would have changed her world.

He searched through the crowd but they were gone. Carlisle grabbed him and stood him still.

"Edward, there was always a chance you and Angela would beat her."

"No, it's not right. I don't want it, make them give it to her."

"It doesn't work that way. Let it go, son. She won't thank you if you make a fuss. She did her best. She was the third place getter. Let her work out her plan for herself."

"It's not fair," he cried. "Maybe you could pay for her, seeing I am getting a free ride."

"I would, in an instant, but do you really think there is any way she would accept that?"

"No," he conceded, shaking his head sadly.

Edward quickly shook hands and posed for a photo with the excited Angela, then set out in search of Bella. This was so ridiculously unfair. She was a better student than either him or Angela. He had used up every minute of time completing the exam papers, had he been fifteen minutes late in any subject exam, he would have been beaten by more students than Angela and Bella.

Angela was bouncing about in the manner usually reserved for Alice, and her friends were all excited for her, knowing it was her only escape hatch. Angela would do well and go far. Her education would not be wasted. Esme and the church ladies would help out more with the Webber twins and allow the family to keep working, and keep their heads above water without the girl helping out.

He gave up when the parking lot emptied and only his car and the family BMW remained.

"She needs time, Edward, to come to terms with her future," Carlisle said as he put an arm around his son. Who knows, maybe this was for the best. Edward needed to see if there were other girls who could affect him as Bella had done, or even just be a better match despite the whole feeling thing. He would never explore his options if she was there with him. They drove home to the celebration dinner Esme had prepared with Alice's help and everyone toasted Edward's success, except Edward himself.

Alice, Rose and Esme all noticed the stricken look in his eyes as the menfolk talked loudly about his success and how well he would do academically.

"So, Bro, it seems we will be room mates after all," Emmett said, clapping him on the back.

"Yes, what fun, I get to listen to you and Rose seven nights a week. Lucky me," he said sadly.

"Actually, Rosie is attending Saint Joseph College, West Hartford so she will only sleep over Friday and Saturday nights," Emmett answered. He had thought himself badly off until this happened. Two nights a week were a lot better than the other side of the country.

Maybe Edward would start dating girls, as he had planned originally, with Bella out of the picture.

xxx xxx xxx

Bella sat on her bed and stared at the blank screen of her monitor.

That was it, then.

She gave it her best shot and it hadn't worked.

Half a point.

The fourth place getter had come in over 10 points behind her, that would be so much easier to accept.

In a way she wished Mrs Goff had never let her enter the exam room late. That way everyone would have known she was out of the running, not expected her to be clever enough to make up the time.

Today was Edward's eighteenth birthday and she was determined to make it a happy day. He had sent her texts and voicemail last night but she hadn't been ready to read them until the early hours of the morning. She flicked through, he and Emmett and Rose were at Eric's party and he was begging her to come as well. Too late, by the time she read them, the party was over.

She had not been in a party mood anyway.

She picked up the gift she had for Edward and put it in her bookbag.

Time to face the pity and sympathy of her classmates.

xxx xxx xxx

Edward was waiting in the carpark for her and he opened the door to her rusty truck and lifted her down, nuzzling her neck on the way before placing her feet on the ground, keeping one hand linked with his own.

"You didn't answer me last night," he growled.

"I was not in a party mood. I spent the evening with my Mom and Dad and Phil anyway."

"I bet they are all proud of you," Edward said, watching her eyes. He could see the hurt and disappointment she felt. Of course, she would see it as her letting them all down, not the cruel injustice it was.

"I wish you had won, what am I going to do without you?" he said, feeling the rare occurrence of tears on his cheeks. How long since he had cried? Had he ever cried? Not feeling pain had meant he rarely got upset like other kids, so crying was saved for emotional distress, like what he was feeling now.

"Edward, you will be fine. I will be fine. At least we are better off than Riley. He would swap places with either of us right now."

"I am going to miss you so much," he continued, as if she had not spoken. Riley's misfortune didn't make his own disappointment easier to bear.

Bella pulled away and he growled again, as his body lost feeling.

He grabbed her hand back and kissed it.

Bella stopped and faced him.

"We need to start weaning ourselves off one another. You have to get used to not feeling again, Edward. It will be worse if we keep touching then have to go our separate ways."

"No, I want to feel as much as I can for as long as I can. Come with me, let's ditch school today."

Bella didn't need to think, she did not want to spend a day pretending she didn't care about losing the scholarship. The students would all know the truth, she had the one goal in mind since she could remember. Work and win and get out of town to an Ivy League college, the only possible way she could.

She had missed birthday parties and school camps and holidays to read and learn more, to be fully conversant with as many random facts as her brain could absorb. You never knew what that vital extra question could be, the one that gave you the extra point.

Such a waste.

If she knew then what she knew now, she would have concentrated on making friends and socializing, and being popular.

Coming third and coming last had the same reward, none.

She was always going to win the English Lit scholarship, she had never done extra work in that area, so it would have ended this way even if she was bottom of every other class.

She knew the buzz in the teacher's staff room would probably be the shock and surprise of her not winning, possibly for years to come. Everyone knew Charlie, everyone knew she had what it took to top the year, despite the very real competition Edward and Angela had been.

Those last two questions had cost her so much.

It wasn't just the chance of a superior education, it was the chance to get to know Edward and herself and see what they were, away from home and adults and existing as a couple in the real world.

Her heart thumped painfully. She knew she would lose him now, long distance was not going to work. It was not even worth trying. Why tie them both down when chances were, things would change, they would change, they would be entirely different people in four long years time.

She didn't want to spend her life angsting over him and wondering if he found other girls who made him feel.

Better to cut all ties, a clean break.

But not today. Today was his day, his birthday. Whatever he wanted , he got.

They headed for his car and Lauren stepped out of hers and smiled.

"Such good news for Jacob Black, Bella."

"What?" she asked, puzzled.

"He won the only scholarship the Rez school offers, a free ride to SeattleU. You won't be alone there, after all. See you at Yale, Edward," she winked.


	5. Chapter 5

Warm

Chapter 5

'What a fuck of a birthday' Edward thought as Bella stopped and looked after Lauren.

Now Jacob Black was going to be close by to his girl for the next four years while he was away. She already admitted Jake was the obvious choice for her and her objections to seeing them as a real couple would fade once they were in Seattle and she didn't know another single soul. She didn't make friends easily, that was obvious.

Edward had planned on whisking her away somewhere fun and exciting and giving her memories to reflect on when they were forced apart, but now it seemed like a bad idea and he headed the car towards his meadow instead.

He wanted quality time before she was ripped away from him.

Bella was quiet on the trip and he knew she was thinking about the news. Jacob Black, Edward cursed the man's name and wished they could swap scholarships.

No, he wished he could give Bella his and both of them attend Yale. She deserved the chance.

He opened her door and helped her across the forest until they reached the meadow. Bella was enraptured and she ran about, not able to be still and just look, as he was. He was watching her, watching the sun hit and uncover the red highlights in her hair, the deep brown of her eyes, the smallness of her stature. She was tiny and perfect and he knew he loved her.

She pulled her shoes off and dangled her feet into the water of the brook across the back section of the meadow, squealing slightly at the icy temperature of the water as it was dammed by the stones and rocks he had built up at one end to form a swimming hole. The water gurgled and splashed down from the small waterfall at the corner and she pulled off her clothing and tossed it in a heap on the grass, and stood naked beneath the falling water.

Edward smiled and pulled out his phone and snapped a couple of photos of the scene in front of him.

His Bella, naked, glistening, beautiful.

He threw off his own clothes and joined her in the water , not being able to know the temperature until they touched, then he shrieked out loud at the chill. He grabbed Bella and rubbed her skin as she goosefleshed and shivered.

"Out, before your teeth break from them chattering together," he ordered, pulling her into the middle of the field, laying her down on the soft grass in the full sun. He curled his body around hers and rubbed at her limbs, getting the circulation going again.

She was still cold so he grabbed his Tshirt and pulled it over her head. It fit her like a dress.

She soon warmed and they lay together and watched the small white fluffy clouds drift across the blue sky. It was a lovely day, especially for Forks. Not a sign of the usual rain.

Bella leaned up and kissed Edward, and stroked his chin and cheek as they kissed.

She threw her head back and breathed in deeply and looked into his eyes.

"I can't bear this," she said, letting her tears fall down her faced unchallenged.

Edward sighed and pulled her in closer.

"I can't bear it either. I hate that we have to be apart. I know what's going to happen."

"What?" she asked, wondering if he knew the obvious, as she did. So many girls, so many rich girls. So many beautiful girls. So many talented girls. So many rich, beautiful, talented girls, at Yale.

"You and Jake will be lonely and homesick and next thing, you will be more than friends. One night, that's all it will take. One long, cold, lonely night and he will open his arms and they will be familiar arms that you have been in before and his body will warm yours and his lips will find yours and next thing..."

"Never!" she gasped, pulling away.

"Bella, it's inevitable. You have no friends there, you are too far to quickly drop home to visit Charlie, your Mom is in Florida, and most of all, Jake wants you."

"Well I don't want him," she replied crossly. "Are you sure it's me you are worried about? All those girls at Yale who will be so much better for you, such a better fit than I am. There have to be others you can feel, Edward. I will be a distant memory, if that."

"Don't ever say that. You will be a constant memory, someone I can never forget, someone I will miss and crave to touch and hold and make love to every single day. We can meet up in holidays and breaks. I can come home to visit my folks, you can come visit Charlie, we can still share beds when we are here."

"Yes, but what about all those cold and lonely nights, Edward? You are used to having sex now, you won't be able to give it up just because I am not there with you."

"Don't say any more," he begged. "This is my birthday and I want to spend it with you, our last happy day."

He cuddled her and kissed her face and cried with her at the injustice. He hated the thoughts in his head, he knew if he could turn back the clock and change things, he would have let Angela fail and lose her scholarship if that was the only way he and Bella could stay together.

He knew that was a bad and selfish thought but maybe he was a bad and selfish person.

He traced his finger down her spine, inside his shirt, and then around her front, up over her belly, across her breasts, making her nipples pebble.

This body of hers was made for him and him alone and now someone else would enjoy it and love it and be inside her.

He growled and rolled her underneath himself and entered inside her, pumping in and out harshly, wanting to remember this.

No condom, who cared about condoms and being safe and being sensible? He wished she wasn't on the Pill, he wished he could start a baby and thus tie her to him forever.

What exactly was the point of being eighteen and a legal adult and not being able to be with the only girl in the world you wanted to be with?

He nuzzled her neck and kissed her wet face and licked her tears away.

"I love you, Bella," he groaned, as his fingers sought her clit and he helped her over the edge as his body filled her with his love.

She lay against him, still and quiet and shaking gently.

Tomorrow she would be leaving and it would be a long time until they saw each other again. No matter what, they were staying together tonight. In her bed, in his bed, in his car, here, on the beach, he didn't care where, only that they would not be parting until the very last minute. He was staying here in Forks another week but she had to move into her dorm and find a part time job so she had some spending money, and get to know her way around campus and it was all arranged.

The sun was shining down on them and he felt the rays hit his skin and it felt like they refracted into all the colors of the rainbow. He was so used to feeling, how did he just stop and accept the old, unfeeling Edward again? He would go insane.

Though he would swap feeling, end being able to touch, if it meant he could stay with her and keep her.

"Marry me, Bella," he said, meaning every word.

If they were married, that fucker Jake would keep his hands off her and she would be his, even if she couldn't be with him.

"No, Edward, don't say things like that to me," she answered, rolling in his embrace.

"Why not? I love you, I want you to be mine forever," he answered.

"Then be patient. Ask me again in four years time. The answer will be yes," she promised, leaning on her elbows and tracing her finger across his face. "I love you, Edward."

"No, now, I need you," he cried.

"I want you to want me, not need me," she sighed and rolled onto her back. She shivered, the sun had moved below the trees and the temperature was dropping rapidly.

"Get dressed, we are going home. Where are we sleeping tonight? Yours or mine?" he asked.

"Maybe we should start as we have to proceed and sleep in our own beds," she suggested.

"Never, not happening. Yours, then."

He growled at her and helped her redress and put his own clothes back on before yanking her onto his back and running down to the car. He dropped her onto the ground and kissed her again.

The drive home was silent but he refused to stop sending her looks so she knew he was not going to leave her at her door. He didn't care if the Chief was home and tried to shoot him or arrest him. He was staying with Bella tonight.

Suddenly he had an idea, and dropped her at her house, promising to be back within the hour and warning her she needed warm but accessible clothing.

Bella stood under the shower and washed away the mementos of the afternoon. She wished she could bottle his scent and wear it every day. Charlie came in as she had just finished dressing.

"So, I gather you and Edward will want a last night together?" he asked gruffly. He meant to be a better father and protect her from the likes of Edward Cullen but how could he fight the feelings they shared? He would lose and it would be a bloodbath. Bella would have left and gone to live with Renee, or more likely, with Edward in his bedroom. She was turning 18 next week, she could marry him if she wanted.

He hoped she wouldn't but Bella was Bella. He knew enough to know once she decided on anything, it was as good as done.

"I think I am sleeping at his. You have a shift anyway," she answered, drying her hair with the blowdrier thus ending the conversation.

"Be safe and see you in the morning," Charlie shouted and went back to work.

Edward stepped out of his car as Charlie stepped into his own.

"She is going to miss you, I just hope she is strong enough," Charlie lamented.

"I hope I am too," Edward replied.

He went inside and carried Bella downstairs and placed her in his car. She was clutching his gift and she handed it to him when he got in his seat.

"It's nothing much," she said.

Edward opened the package and picked up the gray hand knitted beanie and placed it on his head.

"I knitted it myself, can you believe that?" she said.

"Thank you, Bella." He pulled on the black leather driving gloves and folded the gift paper and placed it in the glove box, like he could not bear to waste a single thing she had touched.

He opened the card and stared at her written words, of love and trust and sorrow.

"We will be together again, I promise you," he answered, placing the card in the pocket on his car door.

He drove to the beach and helped her out, then opened the trunk and pulled out two sleeping bags, zipped together to make one large one, and two pillows and a picnic blanket with a rubber underside and lastly a backpack which he put on himself.

They walked together until he found what he wanted, a secluded area with the overhang of the cliff offering shelter if it rained, and lay the rug down then the sleeping bag.

Bella gathered rocks and dug a small hollow in the sand and lined it with the stones, as Edward added sticks and paper and started a small fire. Once it was burning brightly, she eased in several branches of flotsam he had snapped to size, and watched the eerie blue flames.

He dropped the backpack and pulled out containers of food Esme had happily handed over, and poured coffee from the flask and handed it to her. Bella sat on the sleeping bag and pulled her knees up, keeping herself warm. Her own beanie was pink and striped, and obviously handmade as well.

As soon as they finished eating, Edward opened the bag and slid inside, sliding Bella in beside him and wrapping his body around hers. He had thought of a night full of sex , as many nights had been before, in his bed or hers, but this was better. A night cuddling together, in each other's arms, watching the stars and the moon. That's the same stars and moon they would see when they were apart.

Bella lay so closely beside him she felt like part of him, and he held her tightly for dear life and wished they would be together always, like they deserved to be.

xxx xxx xxx

Dawn woke them when her long orange fingers sought their faces and caused them to grimace at her brightness. Edward felt his heart beat frantically. He couldn't do this, take her home and hand her over. What if he never saw her again? What if someone kidnapped her at college and they never found her? Or Jake drugged her and did things, like marrying her? Or his plane crashed? Or his car crashed? Or someone kidnapped him?

His body shook and he held her tighter.

This was torture.

She was right, they should have spent the night apart and gotten used to being separated but that was impossible.

"Stay one more night, please, Bella," he begged.

"Edward, you know I would if I could. You know I want to, more than anything. But we have to do this while we have the strength."

"I don't have the strength," he cried.

Bella rubbed his face and kissed his tears as he had done to hers.

"At least we had these past few weeks, if that's all I ever have, it will be more than most people get," she said quietly.

"It's not enough" he protested.

"It was amazing, I wouldn't change a single moment, Edward," she promised.

They lay together and he moved his hands inside her clothes and she pulled her sweatpants and panties away and lay under him, allowing him inside her body one last time.

Edward tried to make it last forever but of course, it didn't, and he sadly dressed her again and pulled his own sweats on.

They packed the car and he took her to Charlie and kissed her at the front door for the longest time, until he was forced by her father's increasingly impatient grunts and throat clearings, to surrender her to him.

"I will be back, so don't leave until then," he begged.

"Stay,"she said and he stopped, and turned.

"We need to shower, we can do that here. I can cook breakfast, and you can stay until Jake collects me," she said, desperately.

Edward walked inside, past the Chief who was scratching his head, and upstairs. He stripped himself and then her and they washed each other gently under the water.

Edward bent and started at her feet, kissing every inch of her skin.

"I will miss this area here and here and over here," he said as his mouth touched against her, making her cry again.

He stood when he was sure he had no neglected any area and kissed her lips deeply, his palms flat against her palms, foreheads touching.

"I love you and I wish you would marry me," he said, kissing her face.

Bella dressed herself silently. This was a bad idea, they were both getting even sadder now.

She walked downstairs and started breakfast and served her last batch of pancakes in this little kitchen for the foreseeable future.

Edward ate but without tasting, Charlie ate, looking at each of them in turn, wondering how the heck this had happened so fast, when they were so young? He knew love when he saw it, and both had eyes that shone with emotions too deep for their young ages.

This was not good, he thought, not good at all. This was adult love and he knew they would both be distracted and college would probably be a complete waste of time if they were apart.

He couldn't change things, he didn't have the funds to upgrade her to Yale even if she got in, and he knew she would. She had the brains.

He watched as the Cullen boy kissed her a last goodbye as he and Jake stood by, waiting, Jake smirking at the two. Charlie shook his hand and thanked him for taking her and looking after her this next four years. He assured Charlie it would be his absolute pleasure.

Jake had packed her bags into the car and was waiting in the driver's seat as Edward approached, giving Charlie a few minutes alone with his daughter.

"Jake, I need you to do two things for me," he said quietly, so it was just between the two of them.

"What?" Jake asked, aggressively.

"Look after her, keep her safe for me," Edward said.

"I will look after her and keep her safe but not for you," Jake answered. "What's the other thing?"

"Keep your fucking hands off her, she is mine now," Edward growled.

"You know what they say. If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with," Jake replied, winking at Edward.

Bella approached the car and Edward kissed her again and opened the door for her and she slid in and tried not to look back but the sight of the boy in the rear view mirror filled her vision and she watched until he got too small to see.

xxx xxx xxx

Edward lay in bed and smiled into his phone. Bella had fallen asleep again, like the last few nights after he talked to her for hours, wanting to hear every detail of her day. She had secured a job at an ice cream parlour, so he didn't have the worry of her working at some bar like she had originally planned. She had won the dorm room lotto and had a room to herself, a rare treat.

She had unpacked, been on an orientation day, found all her classrooms and was confident she would cope with life there.

Edward flew out tomorrow but he intended keeping up the nightly calls regardless of where they were. He had added her to his phone plan so she could call him anytime and it went onto his bill, not hers. She had resisted and he had pointed out, if she didn't call him, he would call her so what difference did it make so she reluctantly gave in. For once.

Esme and Carlisle had handed him a creditcard and told him he could visit Bella once a month, not more often, and he had promised, excited to be able to see her that much. Bella was ecstatic and was looking forward to his first visit, and the world didn't seem quite as dark and gloomy as they had thought.

First visit was this weekend, her 18th birthday.

He almost ran off the plane, and swept her into his arms as he kissed her deeply and tried to be gentle but the burst of feeling as soon as they touched jolted through his body.

"Fuck, you have no idea how much I miss you," he said, kissing her head.

"Come to my room and show me," she suggested.

The cab ride took forever but soon they were where they longed to be, naked, cuddled together, under a blanket in her bed, in the dark. This was new, usually Edward wanted to see every inch of her but whatever, maybe it heightened his sense of touch.

"Jake giving you any trouble?" Edward asked nervously.

"No, he is quite the Casanova actually. Very popular with the girls, they haven't encountered many Quileute's here so he has novelty value, and he is cashing in on it while it lasts," she said, easing his mind immediately.

"So, eighteen today, you know what that means," he said smirking.

"What?" she asked.

"You can marry me," Edward said, hopefully.

"No, no, no. Not straight out of High School, Edward. I told you, in four years time, as soon as college finishes."

"Why are we waiting?" he asked.

"Because I want to be with my husband 24/7, not half a damned country away," she answered, kissing him excitedly.

Edward was here!

She knew he couldn't help himself, his hands were never still as he stroked and felt every inch of her, pausing only to kiss some place he decided felt especially nice. Making love was as awesome as always and Edward made no attempt to be quiet so she didn't either. What the heck, she had to wear earplugs to bed most nights to ignore the moanfests in every other dorm, they could suck it up.

He cringed slightly when she caressed his chest and she paused and turned the bedside light on.

"Edward!" she growled, at the tattoo on his breast, over his heart.

"What? I miss you, I love you, those two things won't change."

"God, what if you need to get it changed some day. You can't make 'I love Isabella Forever' into 'Wino Forever' " she growled.

"Johnny Depp never felt for Winona what I feel for you, obviously," Edward answered.

"Can we leave the light on now or are you hiding other things from me?" she asked.

"No, that's the only tattoo I have so far," he replied.

"So far?"

"I intend getting one every year we are apart," he promised, placing his hands on her breasts and giving her a very nice way to be distracted.

"It's my body," he chuckled.

"Mine or yours?" she quipped.

"Both," he growled, biting her earlobe playfully and making her squeal. "There are my breasts and this is my delectable backside," he said, kissing and biting gently as he explored.

"Then look after it and keep it in nice condition," she warned.

He reluctantly took a shower on her orders but cheered up when she joined him and they went to dinner at a nearby restaurant and he handed over his gift when they got back to the dorm and were huddled together in bed again.

It was a small velvet box and Bella stared at it and held it gingerly on the flat of her palm as if it may bite.

"Edward..." she said, warningly.

"Open it, it's a friendship ring. Next birthday it'll be a promise ring. Then an engagement ring, then a wedding ring," he promised.

Bella laughed in relief and opened the box. He was so impulsive. The ring was perfect, a gold band with a heart shaped diamond.

"Edward, it's beautiful," she cried, and he proudly put it on her right hand.

"This ring and the next go on this hand, the other two on the left," he explained, kissing her finger and the diamond at the same time.

That night was pure bliss and Bella kept holding her hand up so the ring was visible in the moonlight and she sighed with happiness. Maybe it would work, after all.

So long as those skanky ho's kept their hands off her man.

Next visit was not for another six weeks seeing he had come earlier than planned this time and Bella was bursting with impatience when he arrived. She was tempted to break through the barrier and run to the plane and drag him off herself but Jake was sitting beside her, laughing as he read her intentions.

"Then you will get arrested and spend the weekend in jail and have prison sex instead of Edward sex," he warned, as he hugged his latest fling in his arms. He was working his way through the sorority's one house at a time.

This one was a skinny blond, Maggie? Millie? Or was she confusing her with last week's?

Jake had offered to drive her to the airport and he left as soon as they both saw Edward walking towards the building. He took his promise to care for her seriously and he had made no attempt to lay a finger on her, despite Edward's warning which made him almost want to.

Bella had moved on, he was not sitting around waiting to see how long this Edward thing lasted.

Maybe they would be something again one day, maybe not, but he would have plenty of experience by then if it ever happened.

Edward held Bella in close and breathed in her scent. He couldn't speak, it was so good just to hold her. She was a little agitated but maybe it was just the fact it had been way too long since they were together. From now on, every visit was to be exactly one month apart, that way they could spend the first two weeks reliving the last visit, and the second fortnight anticipating the next.

Bella was in tears but that was pretty usual. Edward kissed her and hugged her close in the cab ride back to her place and she smiled hopefully. She needed all her courage and resolve to get through this visit. She had to stick to what she had decided, no matter how he reacted or what he said.

xxx xxx xxx

Bella served dinner and sat opposite Edward, watching his eyes as they sought hers.

She pushed the food around her plate more than ate, and he picked up on her nervousness.

Edward ate but watched her closely and suddenly he dropped his fork and pushed the plate away.

"Bella, say it. Out loud."

She looked frightened and his heart sank. He should never have left it so long but he wanted to pace his visits and make them regular so there would not be another gap like this one. He thought he saw Jake leave the airport when he arrived and now it gnawed at his gut. Had he left so she could maybe tell him the news? They were back together? She had met someone new?

He had spoken to her every single night, on the Internet via Skype so they could talk face to face and most nights he talked her to sleep on the cellphone later. She had been a little uptight lately, he had put it down to the too long gap, as he felt that way himself. A gnawing need to be with her again.

He had played his compositions to her and dedicated every new tune to her in some way.

All he thought about was her, he barely managed to pay enough attention in class to follow what he was required to do next.

Luckily he was something of a musical genius so the actual assignments where he had to compose were easy and came to him naturally.

"Do you want me to guess?" he asked, his throat tight with fear.

Bella stood and shook her head, waving her hand at him.

"No, no, it's not what you are thinking."

"Then what is it?"

"Edward, we are not getting married until I finish college. I have to complete the course and get my degree."

"And..." he asked. He hadn't mentioned anything at all about bringing the date forward.

If she ever wanted to, he would in a heartbeat, but that was her decision, he was trying to learn patience and wait. They had their four year plan.

"I'm going away for a while, on a student exchange program."

"When, how long for, where to?" he fired back quickly.

"I leave in eight weeks and I will be away six months," she answered.

"Where are you going, Bella?" he asked again, but his stomach was already in knots.

"France."

"France? What the fuck for?"

"It's related to my course, I am studying French literature and some of us have been offered the chance to go live in the countryside, and stay at a retreat, and really experience what life was like back then, when the greatest French authors wrote their great novels."

"Well, I guess I will be visiting you in France each month then," he concluded.

"Edward, it's a retreat. No visitors, no tv, no computers, no Skype, we can text use our cellphones and get a half hour long phone allowance on the house phone once a week but that is the limit of contact we are allowed."

Edward frowned, not liking this at all. Every time he solved one problem and managed to keep them together, another was cropping up in it's place.

"Come visit me every weekend until I go?" she asked, quietly.

"Fine. But I can't see why you even want to go. Is this retreat more important than us?" Edward asked.

"It's important and I am lucky to have been chosen. I could never afford something like this, Edward. It's an amazing opportunity. I have to accept. It will help me so much. Maybe even enough to get me into Yale next year. Carlisle has offered to pay my fees and I am going to let him, Edward. I need to be with you more than I need my pride. I will try and pay him back somehow, sometime, but I don't really have any idea how." Edward swooped her into his arms and kissed her happily. Six months absence this year but it meant the next three years together? He would harden up and cope.

"Bella, you are a genius. I can't wait now, I want this damn trip over and I want you at Yale next year. I am finding us a place, Emmett can go live somewhere closer to Rose so they can each travel half the distance to their schools. That way they can be together every night. I already thought of it but I was being selfish and not wanting to live alone so I didn't point it out as the obvious answer for them. But I will now! What do you want us to live in? An apartment, a little house of our own, what?"

"Slow down, Tiger. Whatever you choose will be amazing. All I care about is sharing it with you. A hovel would do."

"This is going to be so fucking awesome, Bella."

"We still stick to the plan?"

"Whatever, who cares? if I get to have you in my arms and my bed, I don't care what ring is on your finger when. Yes, we can stick to the plan if it's so important to you. God, I am so happy. I thought you wanted us to break up now I find out we will soon be together properly? I just can't believe it."

He held her tightly and kissed her gently, peppering her face, her neck, her throat, with little pecks of kisses.

His euphoria lasted as he arrived each Friday night to her waiting in the airport, and even leaving Sunday nights seemed like no big deal because he only had five days until he would be back.

His marks were astonishingly high, and his master's all wondered what the hell had made the boy so happy that he was now churning out this music, so touching, so full of joy and emotions, after his start as a somewhat halfhearted student.

They realized they probably had a musical prodigy in their hands and were keen to do all they could to ensure he went as far as possible under their guidance.


	6. Chapter 6

Warm

Chapter 6

Speedbumps

Carlisle hung up the phone and smiled. She was sticking to her side of the bargain, giving Edward six months to be alone and figure out what he really felt for her. In return, he would cover the cost of her last three years at Yale, if she still chose to go to Yale, if not, to any Ivy League college of her choice. He guessed it would depend on whether Edward moved on and found another girl he was attracted to and developed feelings for, regardless of whether she made him feel or not.

Bella was a little nervous about their time apart but she did understand why Carlisle was doing this for his son. He didn't want Edward settling for her just because he could feel her and she wanted to know if that was the main reason he was with her, also. She expected, like Carlisle, that six months apart would either cement them together or rip them apart.

Edward had no idea how hideously expensive the retreat really was, but Bella figured, if she had to stay away from him, she may as well go somewhere of use to her future. Carlisle had not hesitated to pay the cost in full and give her a generous allowance.

Normally she would have baulked at taking money from anyone but Carlisle wanted to do this, and she wanted to do it herself, so she simply agreed.

She would never normally have the strength to stay away from Edward for six months but this retreat was too far away from any major town, once you went there, the only way out before the end of the course was in an ambulance.

She could do this, she told herself.

She was doing it for Edward, as well. She could well imagine he was building his whole future around her just because she made him feel but was it enough?

Maybe he would date even, though she cringed at the thought. She had no intention of dating herself , she knew she had found the man for her, but she needed to know the truth about him picking her.

This weekend was the final one before she left, so she had hurriedly packed already, the plane left noon Monday. Edward would be here soon and they would be spending the entire weekend wrapped in one another's arms, no doubt.

She hoped he would understand, that she did this for both of them, not so much Carlisle, and definitely not for the money. They needed to pass this test of time.

Edward walked quickly through the airport and grabbed Bella tightly, kissing her breathlessly.

It was some minutes before he let her come up for air, and she gasped audibly as a new supply of oxygen saved her from blacking out, just in a nick of time.

"Bella, I missed you so much this week. How the hell do I last the next six months without you?" he asked as they walked towards the cab rank. He had just his usual small carry-on bag, and he tossed it onto the floor of the cab and pulled her in close.

Bella smiled and tried to imprint every second together on to her brain. She had used some of Carlisle's allowance to buy a digital camera so she took a lot of photos that weekend, of Edward asleep, awake, laughing, singing, searching under the bed for her missing boot,(nice ass shot), she wanted a million images to look through over the break.

He had his camera and he was photographing her as well, so she knew he was as anxious as she was. They went to the beach, to lunch, to the Mall; they ate and drank and danced half the night away in a small, smoky club. So many new memories to pull out and examine in the time apart. Edward became rather frantic in bed, as Bella expected. He was facing a probable drought now of half a year, no sex, well, no feeling sex.

As she watched him sleep, she searched her soul to be sure she was doing the right thing. Her main motivation was, if they kept to the four year plan, he would never date anyone new. He would probably never know if there were other girls out there that were what she was to him, when it came to touch.

He would stay with her by default and maybe one day he would realize all he had ever felt for her was her special ability. Then things would be bad.

They lay together naked and sated, for now, in her bed.

"So, Edward, while I am away..." she began. He was playing with her hair, and kissing her neck, but she refused to be distracted.

"Hmm?" he replied.

"I have some things I need you to promise to do for me."

"Anything," he replied.

"You swear?"

"I swear, my beautiful Bella, I will do exactly what you wish me to do. I promise to not look at other girls, I promise not to go on any dates, or kiss anyone else. What else?"

"That's kind of the opposite," she answered, grabbing his attention at last.

"The opposite?" he asked, frowning. He stopped playing and let her hair fall back down her back.

"I want you to date at least six girls, unless you find one before that who you fancy. I want you to touch at least fifty girls, just on the hand will do, just to see if anyone else jolts you to feeling. I want you to be really sure you want me. I know you need me, but wanting is different."

"Are you going to date French boys?" he asked.

"If I want to. We are young and free and single, Edward, We should see if what we have is that strong when we are apart."

"I know you are the only girl for me," he growled.

"Yes, but the big question is, why? Do you love me or do you love what I can make you feel?"

"Both," he answered gruffly. "Is this what it's all about? Some trial to see if we last the distance or if we crack and fuck up?"

"Partly," she answered. "I do need some amazing marks to get me into Yale and being away from you means I will study my ass off and not be distracted. You are very distracting, you know."

"Is my father behind this?" he asked. "Carlisle never stops nagging me to get out and meet other girls. He wants me to play the field. Is that what you want me to do?"

"I want you to do whatever it takes to find out one way or another if we are as strong and as perfect as we think."

"I already know," he laughed. "This is epic. My father is paying you to stay away from me. How medieval of him."

"He only wants what's best for you," she assured him."And I get to go to Yale on his dime if we are right."

"And if not?"

"I get to go to any college of my choice. No doubt he will donate a library or something to get me in."

"So, I guess another way of looking at it is, he is paying for us to be together after we endure his trial. Now, on to the important stuff, how often am I allowed to talk to you?"

"Once a week, for 30 minutes. I have my schedule. Thursday night from 9.30 pm til 10pm is my allotted time. I think we can text anytime, so try that but if I don't answer, then it means I am wrong, not ignoring you. I will text back as soon as possible."

"So, if I date these other girls, what am I allowed to do with them?"

"Anything you want, but you have to tell me. I need to know if you are falling for someone else. Or even if you just find someone who makes you feel, in any capacity. You may kiss and not tell, how about that?"

"You may not, I want a photo and full name and address of everyone you kiss so I can eliminate them later," he replied. "You realize this is an exercise in futility, even if something changed and every woman was able to make me feel, I would still only want you."

"I am counting on that," she answered.

"I guess it could be amusing, playing with Carlisle, and letting him think he is doing the right thing and is not being a complete ass," Edward snickered.

Bella disentangled herself and went into the bathroom and returned a few minutes later and handed him a plastic stick.

"What this? Are we pregnant?" he asked, hopefully.

"Not as far as I know, but you need to know either way. If I am not, and I come back with a bun in the oven, then you will know it isn't yours."

"Don't you mean a croissant?" he asked. " You know I trust you completely, right?"

"This is not about trust, it's about knowing."

"Do you trust me, Bella?"

"Edward, I want to know I can trust you to do what I ask. Do not stay in your apartment and never go out. Go to parties, go to the beach, go to bars, talk to girls and touch them in some way. Do whatever you would do if I weren't in the picture, which I won't be."

"Damn, it's negative," he said, tossing the stick onto the bed. "What if I knock you up tonight?"

"Then Carlisle will kill us both. Now behave."

"Come back to bed," he growled, accepting the glasses of wine she offered and placing them beside the bed, and pulling her in with him.

xxx xxx xxx

Edward refused to leave Sunday night and took her to the airport himself on Monday, planning on catching a flight after hers left. Bella regretted that immediately. It was one thing waving him off as he left each Sunday, knowing he would be back by Friday but this was horrible. She stayed in his arms in the V.I.P room until the second announcement was made calling for her to board or the flight would leave without her. She half wished it would.

They had even snuck into the bathroom to make quick and desperate last minute love and she was still damp from him, as she climbed aboard and looked desperately out her window.

He had finally let her go, holding her hand as long as possible, until both had an arm fully extended and their fingers fell apart at last. He had pushed a small gift into her pocket but she cared little for gifts at that moment.

The sight of him standing on the observation deck, in the sun, his copper hair shining so beautifully and waving at her, was the last thing she saw.

The trip was horrid and she couldn't stop crying so the other girls avoided her and ignored her completely, all except one girl, whom she had not yet met at SeattleU.

" I can tell you, if that fine man was mine, I would be crying too," she said, flopping into the seat beside Bella. "Hi, my name is Renata Bacon and you are Bella Swan who gets better marks than I do in every class, to the immense annoyance of my parents. They are used to me being top, not lowly second . But I don't mind, it makes me try harder."

"I shouldn't be crying, I am doing this from choice, my own choice," Bella answered, hiccuping through the sobs. "I won't be here next year, I am transferring anyway."

"Good, I can relax then. So, what's the tears about?"

"A long and amazing story," Bella replied. "I just hope it has a happy ending."

"So, we have a long boring flight, tell me all," Renata requested.

Bella told her the story and the girl was amazed at the medical condition which she had never heard of before. She found it incredibly romantic that Edward could feel with Bella and was as convinced as Bella was that this meant they were custom made for one another.

With Renata chatting away, Bella felt a little better and she felt the box in her pocket that Edward had put there and she pulled it out and looked at it.

"So, this would be, what? An engagement ring?" Renata asked excitedly. The whole thing was so romantic, better than the bodice rippers she read for light entertainment.

"No, we have a four year plan."

Bella explained it to her and Renata demanded she open the gift anyway.

Bella peeled away the paper and opened the velvet box. She lifted the necklace that lay inside. It was a heart shaped locket and it was engraved in tiny but perfect copperplate.

"_Take care of my heart, I have left it with you." B&E 4eva_

The photos inside made her hide a laugh. They were just one of his face and one of hers but she knew the original photo they had been cut from was a photo Edward took with the camera set up automatically as they sat on her bed, his back against her bedhead and he was buried deep inside her, his face on her shoulder as he wrapped himself around her from the back.

Bella smiled and Renata sighed and put it around her neck.

"So, does Romeo have any brothers because I want one of those Cullens for myself."

"Not as far as we know. He was adopted as a youngster but from what his parents have told me, there's a good chance he is an only child. He has two foster brothers but they are spoken for."

"And so is he. Maybe you can help me hunt down a French lover for myself, and have him _pop ma cerise"_

"You speak French?" Bella asked.

"No, but I Googled 'pop my cherry' in ten languages in case I ever got to travel. You never know when you will need to use that phrase," Renata said seriously.

"Supposedly only the once," Bella grinned.

"Oh, come on, it hardly counts if it was done in another country. You can be a virgin in France if you never had sex in that country, or with a Frenchman. Same if you go to other countries. I plan to lose my virginity in as many countries as possible."

"So, have you lost it in the good old U.S of A?" Bella asked.

"Nah, but I don't know any Gods like your Edward. I would be cherry popping every night with him. Oh wait, he wouldn't feel it, would he? That's a shame."

Bella liked the girl and started to think the retreat might not be as bad as she had feared.

Edward walked onto his flight home and checked his phone for texts. This was ridiculous but if she got to live with him at Yale, they could do this travesty. He would be willing to do all those stupid things the romance books demanded if she asked, climb the highest mountain, swim the deepest river, what else? Chatting to vacuous females was hardly a challenge. He decided to keep a record of every girl he touched or spoke to, and he would need Emmett's help to do that.

They decided to start that night, once he got back and stripped off for a shower. He wished he could keep Bella's scent and aroma on his body longer, as he washed himself clean of their last hurried encounter in the airport bathroom. That had been fun, they needed to do more fun stuff once she came home to him. There was no doubt in his mind they would both stay faithful, the connection was a lot more between them than his father knew, and mere distance was not going to force him into doing anything he didn't want to.

Now, who had Emm chosen as his date for tonight?

He looked at the image in the cellphone screen and sighed. She looked like a waste of space. Tina. Well, Tina, you can be my first boring date, such fun. Just keep your hands to yourself and Bella won't come back and kill you.

He dressed in jeans and a Tshirt, no way was he making himself pretty for these meaningless girls, and met Emmett and Rose at the bar.

Tina proved to be as boring as he expected but she posed willingly for a photo and Edward sent it to Bella, with a note "Date number one, Tina, touched her hand, nothing, what a surprise. Have you had a shower yet or are you still wafting around our own personal _perfume de toilet _?"

Bella laughed and showed it to Renata who giggled.

"I want a boyfriend who does me in exotic locations like airport bathrooms," she sighed, flopping onto the bed. She and Bella had managed to swap and share a room instead of sharing with strangers.

Bella showed her all the photos that were suitable for public viewing that she had taken of Edward, and Renata lamented he left french men for dead and was spoiling her big plan.

They joined the others in the dining room and both girls quickly scouted out the available talent, Bella snapping photos with her cell if she found any boy a possibility for Renata's cherry popping, but they were foreigners like themselves so she wasn't sure if she was wasting her time.

Renata flicked through and decided doing a foreigner in France left her cherry available still for a Frenchman to re pop.

"I've decided, I have to achieve cherry popping with one Frenchman in France, one Englishman in the Uk, and so on, but I can do rehearsals with non- French first, or second, whatever and not have them count."

"I haven't found a single Frenchman here yet, your options are somewhat limited," Bella advised her.

"No way, my sister came on this retreat last year, there is a town closer than you think. We came in from the west, there is this little town up north of here we could even walk to if none of the staff will give us a lift when they go home at night. There are two bars there, one even has dancing. My sister managed to get herself knocked up to a waiter but she pretended it happened before she left, so my parents still think she named him little Pierre for a joke, not after his father."

"You don't plan going home pregnant?" Bella asked.

"Nope, we don't need a French invasion in the Bacon house, one little _porcelet _is enough."

Bella ate dinner and missed Edward. Renata flirted with every man under seventy and compiled a list of possible candidates. She had twenty two so far but still wasn't sure any of them was The One.

Bella came back from the bathroom and dropped her robe onto the bed and searched for her pajamas.

"Bella, smile" called Renata and snapped a photo of a naked breasted Bella sitting on her bed, with Bella's cell and quickly sent it to Edward.

"What the hell?" Bella cried out, grabbing for her phone.

"I only sent it to Edward, so he won't forget his favorite duo," Renata smirked.

xxx xxx xxx

Edward sat in class and tried to concentrate on the lecture but his mind was elsewhere. His phone vibrated and he opened her text and bit back a smile.

Nice.

Very nice.

"Show me" hissed Emmett and Edward pulled his phone out of his brother's reach.

"No way, these are for my eyes only."

"Oh, a titty shot. I will show you one of Rose," he offered.

"Emmett, seriously? You want to see my girlfriend's boobs? Worse, you think I want to see Rose's?"

"Rose has wonderful boobs, Edward. I think Bella's would be very nice, too, don't get me wrong. I image they are quite firm but soft?"

"Keep imagining Bella naked and I will punch you," Edward warned.

"Speaking of a good rack, I am setting you up with Cindy, she has a very nice display when it comes to the breastal region. I am enjoying being your pimp, by the way."

"Cheers, brother," said Edward dryly.

He refused to go out that night, he preferred lying on his bed admiring Bella's photo and wondered what part of his anatomy he should send a photo of back to her. He was a little surprised at her boldness in sending this photo but he loved her for it. He crossed another day off the calendar and wished time would go faster.

xxx xxx xxx

Bella sat down and sipped her drink. Renata certainly knew how to party and she watched the girl dancing wildly on the small dance floor with Possibility # 31. He was French but he was also a waiter named Pierre so they were wondering if he was indeed the same waiter who 'knew' her sister but as neither of them spoke French and he didn't speak more than a few words of English, it was hard to find a way of grilling him about her.

Bella looked up as one of the boys from the retreat sat beside her.

"Hi, I am Cameron, I thought maybe I could buy you a drink?" he asked.

Bella help her drink up and shook her head.

"I'm good. So, you know about this place as well, obviously."

"It's the worst kept secret ever, we all knew before we got here. No way are we all sitting around discussing Simone de Beauvier and Charles Dezobry when we could be chatting to pretty girls and drinking."

"So long as all you want to do is talk, that's fine with me," Bella answered.

He looked a little crestfallen.

"I kind of thought you must like me," he said.

"I hardly noticed you, why would you think I liked you?" she asked.

"You did take a photo of me with your cellphone," he pointed out.

"Oh, I am working for Renata, she is looking for a man to do her a favor," Bella replied, pointing the girl out on the dance floor.

Cameron looked at Renata and shook his head.

"I would rather do you a favor," he replied.

Bella felt her phone vibrate and opened the text, and laughed.

She was a little drunk or she would never have done what she did next. She flashed the photo of Edward, well, part of Edward, at him and raised her eyebrows.

"Do you have more to offer than this?" she asked, instantly wondering what the hell she was thinking. She needed to go back to her room and stop showing strange men her favorite part of Edward. Well, one of her favorite parts.

Cameron paled and Bella grinned.

"I thought not. I have to go back, I need to go to bed," she sighed. She waved Renata over and told her she was done and was going back. Cameron offered to walk her so Bella snapped a new photo of him and asked him to show her his driver's licence. He frowned but complied.

"I am being escorted from the bar by Cameron James Frampton, if I disappear you may come over here and kill him" Bella wrote, and sent Edward the text.

They walked back together and Cameron grilled Bella on Renata's plans. He could see already Bella was a no-go zone and he didn't need to waste his time.


	7. Chapter 7

Warm

Chapter 7

Sometimes Six Months Feels Like A Lifetime

Bella sat at the table in the restaurant and tried to get into the swing of things, it seemed everyone else was enjoying themselves and only she was being a wet blanket. She knew most of the group by now, the last twelve weeks here had seen her make more friends than in her entire life, and she had accepted platonic dates with a few boys out of boredom. Cameron's room mate, Chris, was interesting. He was maybe ten years older than the others and had led a much more interesting life as a result. He was changing back to medical school to specialize next year so he wasn't as dedicated to getting a high grade for this course as most and he happily helped Bella study and do research.

"Why are you changing?" she asked.

"I refused to follow my father and his father and his father's father into the same profession and it caused a lot of angst and arguments during my teens, but I was one eyed about it. My father forced me to do the initial eight years by threatening to cut me off and take me out of his Will, so I qualified but never practised. So, I won. They gave in and I enrolled at SeattleU to do English Lit, French Lit, all the same courses as you did, but I now feel like I may have won the battle but I lost the war because medicine is fascinating to me. I want to specialize in rare diseases and conditions and follow my chosen path, even if it is the path already trodden by every male of the family in living memory. Maybe it's in my genes."

"So, do you know a lot about rare conditions?" Bella asked.

"Uh oh, you aren't going to tell me you have some weird condition are you?" he asked.

"No, but my boyfriend has Idiopathic Neuropathy and I wondered if you knew anything about it. Is it hereditary?"

"I know a little, I know there is a person in the next town who suffers from it even. I only came on this retreat because he is willing to let me write a paper on him. I have to gather up Brownie points to get back into a medical school. Your boyfriend has it? He lives in the States?"

"Yes, New York at present. He is adopted so we don't know a lot about his bio's but neither had it. I just wondered if any children he may father could inherit it?"

"That's an interesting question. Let me read up some more and get back to you."

"Oh, I thought you may know."

"The thing is, I don't know that I have ever read about anyone with the syndrome having kids at all. I could be wrong, but I believe the condition may mean he won't be able to father children."

Bella sat in shock and hoped he was wrong about that. She would never leave Edward over such a reason but she knew he wanted a child, at least, if not more than one.

He talked about 'their baby' all the time, and how he was going to impregnate her exactly nine months before her course ended. She had no intention of dragging herself to graduation nine months pregnant but she didn't rain on his parade. Maybe six months.

Today was Thursday and she really wanted some answers before her bi weekly phone call. As Renata had nobody to call, Bella used her time as well, and she and Edward talked Sunday nights from 9 until 9.30pm with Renata's allowance. In turn, Bella scouted out likely lads and photographed any good looking men she encountered, and got the willing ones to write their names and phone numbers in her "Cherry Book" she was compiling for her friend.

Renata had few rules, they had to be unmarried, and not have girlfriends at this present time.

That was about it. Living, breathing and single, then. Age negotiable.

Renata was having a ball and didn't want the course to end. Bella wished she could give her the next three months left of her time here and go home to Edward.

He was being good, he had touched the hands of 103 new women, no sparks, and dated once a week. He still didn't like any of the girls he dated but he didn't mind because Carlisle was so happy to see him out and about with other girls, he kept sweetening the pot if he kept it up until Bella came back and Edward was confident he could talk his father into paying for his first house, thus saving the trust fund money for themselves. He had found the papers on his last visit home and suspected his parents hadn't told him in case he tried to borrow against it. He had enough in his savings account to put down a deposit on a house and Carlisle offered to lend him the rest. Carlisle had already agreed to buy Bella a new car, but Edward was saving that news until she got home.

"Hello my love," Edward's velvety voice whispered in her ear and Bella rolled onto her back as she lay on her bed. Renata always gave her privacy for the calls and Bella always vanished if Renata brought any boys back to their room, and went to study in the library. She did a lot of studying, an awful lot of studying in fact. Renata's parent's were somewhat 'stifling' apparently so she was taking advantage of her brief freedom. She kept her grades up and knew she would top the class once Bella left.

"Hello, my Edward," she replied."Guess what, it's exactly mid course, to the day. We have made it halfway."

"And when you get home, be prepared to spend exactly the same length of time you were away, in my bed," he answered.

"Without getting up?" she questioned.

"You may get up to use the bathroom and take a shower, and maybe eat, but that's it."

"What will I be eating? My mouth is kind of empty these days," she purred.

"Bella, well done, now there are three of us in this conversation."

"Take a photo, I haven't seen him in a while," she asked.

"He's been in hibernation. Carlisle doesn't even realize I don't care about not having sex seeing I can't feel anyway so if he thinks the time factor alone will push me into some random females bed, he will be disappointed."

"So, tell me about last night's date."

"Oh, the lovely Caroline. She was a giggler. I wanted to buy her a lollipop and shut her the hell up. Emmett spent the whole night telling stupid, infantile jokes so she would giggle."

"How did Rose cope?"

"She left us alone and chatted up the bartender."

"Good old Rose."

"When she came back, she had been out to the car and she handed me a roll of duct tape 'in case I had any ideas I wanted to try out'. Naturally, this made Caroline giggle all the harder, I think she was thinking I might want to tie her up and have my way with her but Rose and I both had the same idea, gag her mouth," he said.

"So, another wash out. Touched any more women since we talked?"

Edward paused.

"Edward? Are you still there?"

"Yes. I was doing my usual hand shaking every new woman I meet as ordered and I felt something."

"Edward, that's momentous. Who? What did you feel?"

"It was weird and not nice, she felt clammy."

"Who was she?"

"Some friend of a friend of Emmett's. Her name is Patti and I am afraid I got such a shock I swore and dropped her hand."

"And what happened?"

"I apologised and she explained she has some weird circulatory problem that makes her skin colder than most. Emmett touched her and said she felt cold but okay but she creeped me out. It was like what I imagine a dead body would feel like."

"So, we can rule her out as a contender for your heart?"

"Don't even joke," he growled in warning. "I love you and I will never love anyone else."

"Keep touching, that means there are others. You should be excited."

"Bella, there are many other men who could make your body sing like I do, are you excited knowing that?" he asked.

"Nope, fair point. Though by three more months, I may just jump the flight attendant. I am feeling very neglected."

"Aren't they usually women?" he laughed.

"Edward, by then I may not care," she growled back.

"So hot. I want a video of that, make that silly friend of yours film it."

"So what's Daddy Dearest latest offer?" Bella inquired.

"He will go halves on the house I am buying if I date the rest of the women my brother procures for me at least twice, and if I take one out to dinner when he and Esme are visiting, he may increase that further."

"Then do it. Why not?"

"Because I have yet to meet any woman I could stand having a second date with."

"Is Emmett taking into account your taste or choosing girls he would like to date if that wouldn't lead to fatal injuries from Rosalie?"

"As I have only ever been attracted to you, and there aren't any Bella Swan clones here, it doesn't matter who he chooses. Do you really not care if I take girls to dinner with my parents? That's crossing the line in my eyes."

"It's up to you. I wish we had a time machine, I want to come home," said Bella, suddenly bursting into tears without warning.

"Shh, baby, don't cry. I hate it when you cry and I can't hold you."

She couldn't speak for several minutes so Edward sang quietly into the phone.

"_You know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you tonight, if I could just hold you tonight."_

Bella stopped crying and managed to let her tears run silently down her face, she knew he missed her as much as she missed him. They were halfway there, they would do this.

The warning pips announced they had a minute left so she rallied.

"I love you, I think about you all day and especially all night, goodnight, Edward. Talk to you Sunday."

"Goodnight my love. I love you more than life itself."

The white noise told her the connection had broken and she hung the home phone up out in the hallway. The phone was fixed to the wall outside her room and it meant she alone got to take calls on her bed by stretching the cord under the door.

Taking them standing in the hallway as others walked by would not be nearly as nice.

Chris approached as she hung up and she invited him into her room.

He had a handful of notes and a medical journal.

"Well, it seems I was wrong. The reason people with the disorder don't procreate is because they can't feel, therefore don't have sex, it seems. So, I hope I didn't cause you any anxiety."

"Chris, my boyfriend can feel if I am touching him. And he just told me another woman has made him feel as well. Have you ever heard of that before?"

"What do you mean, feel?" he asked, confused.

"Edward cannot feel heat or cold or most sensations, he can tell if he is touching an object but not how tightly he is gripping it, he tends to hold people's arms too tightly for example. He knows he is holding them but they feel like an inanimate object. When I touch him, he can feel me and he can feel anything else he touches at the same time, like water in the shower."

"That's amazing. Would you do something for me?" he asked.

"I don't think Edward would want to be a subject for a paper, he values his privacy and hates anyone knowing."

"No, I was wondering if you would come with me to visit Aro and see if it happens with him as well."

"That's hardly likely, is it?" she questioned.

"Depends, I gather you assume it's because you love Edward and you two were 'made for each other' type thing. Are you afraid to find out if it's just a physical thing? Maybe you are a slightly differently make up to other people?"

"I would have to talk to Edward, I don't know that he would want me touching someone else. And what if I made this Aro feel, I don't intend staying here or coming back, wouldn't that be cruel? Edward went...very intense...when he found out I could do this. I don't need to get this man's hopes up and then let them down again. I'm not doing anything sexual with him."

"Why would I expect you to?"

"It's just that, as soon as Edward found out, he begged me to...touch him."

"Bella, why are you here? Honestly."

"I want to know if he loves me, Bella, not just 'the woman who makes me feel'."

"Aren't they one and the same?"

"Depends. Wouldn't he love any woman who made him feel? Think about it. If you spent your life in numbness and you met anyone who changed that for you, wouldn't she slip right to the top of your favorite people's list? Isn't it likely he loves me for the sensations? If I didn't have that affect, would he have given me a second look?"

"I don't know, was he attracted to you before you touched him?"

"I think maybe he was. His sister-in-law said he was. He talked me out of doing something stupid, I planned on sleeping with some loser and he talked me out of it the day we first talked one to one. I knew him like I knew all the boys at school, I knew who he was, but that was the first time we spoke in a personal way. He lent me his sweater because I was cold."

"Did you ask him to?"

"No, he went to his car and got it because he saw me shivering."

"Doesn't that indicate he liked you?"

"Or maybe just that Esme and Carlisle raised him right, to be a gentleman."

"Personally, I don't think it matters why you love someone, even if it's because the first thing you noticed was her rack, or whatever. It wouldn't last if you were not compatible."

"So, you don't think he makes allowances and overlooks my annoying traits because I make him feel?"

"I wouldn't, but that's me. I would love to talk to him. Would he accept a phone call from me do you think?"

"I will ask. Don't you have a girlfriend at home to call?"

"No, we broke up, she refused to try six months long distance. How are you two coping?"

"Okay I guess, if thinking about going home every day is coping. I don't even care that much about going to Yale any more, I would just quit school and work in a bar to be close to him if I could go home now."

"No, don't be silly. Tell you what, I have my call in an hour, would you use it to try and talk him into talking to me next week?"

"I can ask, and he will talk to you tonight if he agrees, you don't have to give us your whole thirty minutes. He will say either yes or no." They sat together talking and he explained all he knew thus far about I.N. and finally his time came.

Bella dialled the number and waited. The second he answered she felt the tears and blinked them away.

"Edward, it's Bella. A friend of mine, Chris, wants to ask you some questions about your I.N. Will you talk to him, please. He is very helpful to me and he is going to be studying to be a doctor."

She smiled and handed the phone over and left her room, closing the door. She would ask Chris to tell her what Edward said later and shove hot needles under his fingernails if he refused. He wasn't a doctor yet, he had no patient confidentiality issues.

She made a coffee in the break room and sat down to read a magazine and returned five minutes before the time was up.

Chris was laughing and he said goodbye and handed her the phone and left.

"So, did you tell him all?" she asked.

"He was quite interesting. I would like to follow his career, someone like him is the best chance of finding a cure, you know. He really wanted to know everything. He asked me to get a specific blood test. I am going to ask Carlisle about it, he did a million tests on me over the years. I am faxing my medical records to Chris tonight."

"Thanks, sweetheart."

"Oh, I need Renata's number in case I ever can't contact you."

Bella frowned but gave him the details.

The pips sounded.

"Goodnight, Edward. I love you."

"Love you too, Bella."

Silence.

She took the receiver out to the hall and hung it up then looked for Chris. He was waiting with another coffee ready for her in the break room.

"I found Edward fascinating. I am meeting him when we get back, he wants to know everything I know. He wants you to touch Aro but warned me to explain all to Aro first, in case he tried to kidnap you. Edward's very protective, right?"

"You could say that. He doesn't love many people, but those he does, he cherishes."

"He did like you before you touched him but he admits he wasn't going to start anything. He felt relationships were probably not an option for him. He thought he would not be able to offer you enough and would lose you. He loved the way you smelled first, and he wanted to wipe your tears away when you cried in front of him over the sports jock. He said he thought you were the most beautiful girl in Forks and had a sexy, killer body. He was very attracted to you. He broke the boy's nose because of what he said about you. He explained it away because the jock insulted his sister as well, but he punched him because he showed no respect for you."

Bella blushed but she was so happy to hear all this. So that's how Riley got the broken nose. She had heard Edward hit him but not why.

The next few days she fished for any further comments Edward had imparted to Chris and she hugged each one close to her heart.

xxx xxx xxx

Bella snuggled down in her bed and fell asleep quickly. Chris was taking her to meet Aro tomorrow and she wanted to be home in time for her call to Edward so they were leaving early in the morning. Renata was evidently on a sleepover with some cherry popper, Bella had never known anyone lose their virginity so many times.

Around midnight she woke with a start as a pair of arms surrounded her. Impossible as it was, she knew it was Edward.

"What are you doing here?" she asked in delight.

"Chris snuck me in. I am coming with you to visit Aro. You don't think I would let him feel you without your own personal body guard?"

"Does Carlisle know?"

"Carlisle faxed all my test results to the up and coming, soon to be famous specialist Dr Christopher Eleazar. I am spending a week having tests at his practice in Paris."

"A whole week? We have a whole week! You are a naughty boy. Carlisle will know he isn't a Specialist at all by now."

"I may have been a little premature with the title but he will be a great specialist one day. And I do plan on being a very naughty boy, Miss Swan."

He was ecstatic to be in her arms again as she was to be in his, and he kissed her soundly.

"Bella, does it still matter why I love you? Isn't the fact I do love you more than my own life enough?"

"It is. I love you and I can't explain clinically why so I suppose it doesn't matter at all really."

"I miss you too much," he sighed.

"I miss you too, why don't we forget this and I can come home with you at the end of the week, and I'll get a job somewhere and defer, and do my course in the future. I just want to be home with you."

"No," he growled. "There's no way this last three months was worth it if we give in and you would never go back to studying if you quit and got some dead end job. We will win this, Bella. We are halfway there, halfway and three days."

"I miss you too much. It's too hard."

"I have something even harder for you, Miss Swan. Feel that?"

She could indeed.

xxx xxx xxx

Aro proved to be a slightly built man with a sour demeanor but Edward understood why. Had he gotten to his forties like this man, and never felt, he would be pretty damn sour himself.

"So, this is the magical Bella Swan, Nice to meet you," Aro said, a faint glow of hope in his eyes.

He took Bella's small hand between his own larger ones and shut his eyes and waited. And waited.

"Nothing," he howled in despair. He gripped her hand tightly, then his eyes flicked from side to side and a slow smile slid across his face.

"Wait, something, pins and needles? I felt that as a child, before I lost all feeling."

Edward put his own hand on Bella's shoulder and the man's whole attitude changed.

"My God, what did you do? You feel...warm!"

Edward stepped back, dropping his arm to his side and he man bristled.

"Put it back, no give me your hand instead, it's you," he said, letting Bella's hand free and clasping Edward's.

His eyes lit up and danced and he babbled excitedly while Edward stood there gobsmacked.

"Can you feel him, Edward?" asked Chris quickly.

"Yes, I can. His skin is dry and cracked and not soft like Bella's. His body temperature is lower than hers but he feels normal, I expect. I can hardly judge."

"What do you feel, Aro?" Chris asked. He was taping the session anyway so there was no need for note taking.

"I can feel!" bellowed the man in ecstasy.

"Where's your bathroom, you want to feel this, I promise you," Edward said and Chris looked shocked.

"He needs to get under a shower and feel the water, it's incredible," Edward explained.

He stood outside while the man ripped his own clothes off and situated himself in the shower, one hand waiting outside the plastic curtain. Edward sat on the closed lid of the toilet beside the cubicle and held the man's hand again and he grinned as Aro shrieked in delight.

"Stay here, Edward, live in this house, you can have anything you want. I am a rich man."

"I'm sorry to have to say no to you. I have my life at home, our families, and my Bella, and we can't do this," he apologised. "Do you have a wife or girlfriend?" Edward asked suddenly.

"A paid companion. She lives here with me. She is in our bedroom."

"What's her name?" Edward asked.

"Kathryn."

"Could somebody get me an iPod and fetch Kathryn to this bathroom," he called out and the woman appeared at the doorway minutes later.

"Kathryn, Aro needs you in the shower with him and I know this seems creepy but I have to keep physical contact with him but I am plugging these in my ears and shutting my eyes and you two can do whatever he wants, I will not peek."

Kathryn nodded and returned in a towel and got into the shower and Edward signalled Bella to come straddle him and kiss him and he gave her an earplug and she giggled as they embraced and ignored the rustling of the shower curtain at their side.

Finally, the man released Edward's hand.  
"I can never repay you, Edward, and when Isabella sat on your knee the feeling intensified. That was the best hour of my life. I can die a happy man now."

Edward and Bella walked out and closed the bathroom door behind them.

"So, tell me everything," Chris insisted and Edward smirked and gave him a summary of what had occurred.

"Amazing," Chris said, shaking his head. This would definitely be the subject of his paper and he would learn more about I.N. as soon as he finished his degree.

"I think Aro should send a ticket to Emmett's friend, Patti. She loves to travel and is looking for a job that allows that, maybe she will make him feel and he will accept her clamminess," he shuddered as he said it.

Aro thought it an excellent idea and he insisted they stay for lunch, so he arranged to have Bella on one side of him and Edward on the other and both placed a foot on his feet and he beamed and exclaimed his happiness throughout the meal.

He was bitterly sorry to let them leave but he promised to keep in touch with Chris and let him know if Patti was the charm he hoped.

Edward sat back in the car and cuddled Bella and whispered in her ear.

"I never expected to be part of a foursome," he chuckled.

Bella slapped him and then kissed him better.

xxx xxx xxx

"Thanks, Charlie, talk to you later."

"Where is he, Carlisle?" Esme asked as her husband closed his phone. He was smiling broadly so all was well.

"Where do you think he is? He is in France, at the retreat, with Bella. I have Charlie Swan monitoring his passport."

"So they gave in," she sighed.

"Of course they did, but I expected them to, you know that. This is good, they can't bear to be apart more than three months so their connection is strong, now let's she if he brings her back with him and loses all they have gained so far. I think they will keep their words and continue until the end. i knew they would fold and run to each other at some point, they need to refuel from one another, but I didn't expect it to take this long. That boy has more self control than anyone I have ever met in my life. He knew she would welcome him back into her bed yet he played by my rules for three whole months. I knew Bella would stay there, she is determined to be with him at Yale for the next three years. I am proud of him, and proud that he refused to let our arrangement keep him from her longer. I concede, the boy is in love."

"I think you have to accept he is a man now," Esme answered.

"You are right, as always."

"Carlisle," she purred, "I won the bet. I predicted three months to four months, you had six weeks to two months, so I win."

"Shall I just handcuff myself to the bed?" he asked, stripping off his clothing.

"No, you know I like to do that. Five pairs of handcuffs, now, thank you."

xxx xxx xxx

Bella protested loudly all the way to the airport and Edward laughed and nibbled her neck.

"Be good and we can do the sex in the bathroom thing again," he whispered.

"Edward, I have a week of never ending hot sex with you and now I have another three months of abstinence, this sucks big time."

"Don't say 'suck' " he growled.

"Suck, suck, suck," she chimed in his ear and rubbed at his erection through his jeans.

"I think I shall listen to my iPod," Chris announced from the driver's seat and Bella blushed madly.

"Edward, he probably thinks we are sex addicts or something" she groaned.

"And your point is?"

"Well, your point is right here, can I..?"

Edward was hardly going to refuse road sex.

His hands lightly touched all over her hair as she faced down in his lap and gave him the Chupa Chup special. He lay his head back against the seat and closed his eyes and wondered if this was what caused spontaneous combustion.

She swallowed hard and he suppressed a moan, and felt her lips lick him gently as she finished cleaning him off. He shook with intensity and wiped away a tear. Fuck, what this woman did to him...in more ways than one. His heart was full of her and his brain never let her go, and his body just craved her like his own personal brand of heroin.

Three months, he moaned in his head, no, three months less ten days.

Bathroom sex lived up to expectations and he forced his feet to walk on the plane and he smiled when he saw her run to the observation deck and wave madly.

His Bella.

Maybe he could simply murder Carlisle and use his share of the inheritance to fund Yale for her?

There was a flaw, he could never kill Esme, and she inherited before they did. But right now, had his father been sitting beside him on the plane, Edward may well have torn him limb from limb. Keeping him apart from his Bella, his own Paradise.

He decided to go back in a month's time on an emergency then lay back and imagined all sorts of catastrophes that would lead to him having to visit her again.

xxx xxx xxx


	8. Chapter 8

**Warning..phone sex..which I have never written before...so be prepared, maybe miss this chapter if you are not into such things. Edward is a naughty boy. Victoria wanted this up NOW so its shorter, blame her.**

Warm

Chapter 8

Call Me

"Edward? I am Patti's sister Nicole. I wanted to thank you for getting her that job in France, she loves it. I don't even know what exactly a 'companion' is, I guess Aro is an old man and Patti reads to him and such?"

Edward supressed a snigger. Aro had made a massive connection with Patti, as they hoped, and he felt even more than he had even with Edward and Bella, so the girl was assured a rosy future. Aro had announced his plans to marry her and he was bestowing all kinds of largess on her to make it happen. As long as she remained his wife and never left him, the world was her oyster. Her job as a 'hostess' in New York was hardly one to offer her a reason to go back. They were already travelling to Italy and Spain and had no plans when to return. Edward had laughed when he read the note Aro had sent him, he told him happily Patti was a free thinking girl and saw no reason why Kathryn should not still be in his employ so his life was 'doubly blessed.'

Edward suddenly remembered the rules and offered Nicole a hand to shake.

She took it and Edward gasped slightly.

Long, thin, firm hand, more bony than soft but muscular, quite cool by comparison to Bella.

He was reluctant to let it go, the brief flashes of feeling felt so good. Even slight pain was preferable to numb. His right sock was bunched under the arch of his foot, his left knee stung where he had hit it against the table earlier, his jeans were too tight around the waist, his left breast had an insect bite of some sort and it both stung and itched.

He scratched the bite slowly and hoped it didn't look too weird because it felt so awesome, his nail almost scraping the flesh away as he rubbed. Shit no, his dick was hard and begging for relief and that would not be happening.

He released her hand and felt the feeling fade. That was new, usually it was gone, switched off like a light switch.

"Do you know about Aro's condition?' Edward asked.

"Yeah, weird, how awful for him."

"I have it also," Edward continued.

"Really? But you were scratching, can you only feel itching or what?"

"I can't usually feel anything, my girlfriend Bella is able to enable me to feel," he said, watching her face.

"Oh, cool, like Patti with Aro."

"Yes. I could feel Patti," he added.

"Right. Oh, can you feel me then? How exciting."

You have no fucking idea, Edward thought.

His brain was scrambling, trying to find a way he could relieve his erection without involving her but using her touch. He had no interest in her personally and would never cheat on Bella, either, but his body was stirred up greatly, and he had had sex and made love but had never done 'that' with feeling. He knew it was every boy's favorite past time unless they were having actual sex and he wanted to experience why. It had been five weeks since he was inside Bella and he had not found time to fly back to France yet, his workload was too brutal.

He nudged his foot against hers and the feelings surged and his dick twitched. God help me, he begged.

"So, what do you do for a living?" he asked. Please say call girl. Emmett knew a lot of call girls, for some reason.

"I'm a pole dancer." she answered brightly. His mind threatened to explode.

"Excuse my bluntness, do you do sexual favors for money?" he asked, holding his breath.

"Sure, if you want to pay for a private session."

"It's going to be a little kinky," Edward warned.

"Oh, I have done plenty of kinky. What are we talking, saddle, whipped cream, group sex?"

"Ah, maybe not so kinky by comparison. I need you to hold my foot while I sit on my bed and have phone sex with my girlfriend."

"Oh, that's so not kinky it's almost boring," she said.

Maybe for you.

Edward hurried her to his room, and locked the door. He put a chair facing away from his bed and slipped his sleep mask over her eyes and pushed the buds of his iPod into her ears then dialled the retreat's number.

"This is Dr Cullen, I have an emergency message for Isabella Swan. She needs to take the call in her room."

He tapped nervously as the girl massaged his foot and made his dick harder as a result.

"Edward, what's wrong?" Bella cried.

"Are you in your room? Alone?"

"Yes, should I shut the door?"

"Lock the door."

"What's wrong?"

"I met Patti's sister and she makes me feel. She is currently blindfolded and earmuffed by my bed, touching my foot and we need to have phone sex."

"Oh, that's all?"

"Bella," he growled.

"Sorry. Let's see, I have never done this, should I strip off?"

"Yesss," he hissed.

"So, my nipples are all pebbly, Edward, did you lick them for me?" she whispered and he shivered.

"I licked them, baby, I licked them over and over."

"Like when we made love in my bed and you licked them for an hour?"

"Yesss."

"Should I keep my panties on? They are the black lacy ones you bought me, or should I take those naughty panties off?."

"The crotchless ones?" he asked anxiously, his dick in his hand, his fingers curled, his wrist flexing as he slowly stroked himself.

He sighed with pleasure. He had never taken matters into his own hand with feelings before, so this felt fucking amazing.

"Yes, so I can touch myself without taking them off," she purred. "Oh I like that, it feels like when you stroke me with your nice hard dick before you push it inside my wet core and pump inside me."

For a newcomer, she was catching on fast and he pumped himself up and down with his fist.

"Do you feel me inside you, Baby?" he gasped.

"God, you are so hard, Edward, so very hard and so big."

"Do you like it, baby, am I ramming you hard enough?"

"No, Edward, do it harder, come on, fuck me hard, Edward. That's it, hard, hard , hard."

She moaned and cried out his name breathlessly.

"Edward, you made me come, it feels so good, so wet for you."

He exploded and collapsed against the wall behind his back.

For a full minute he gasped in air and listened to her mew like a kitten.

"Bella, that was incredible. Thank you, baby."

"Can we do it again?"

"I will ask Nicole if we can book her to come here whenever you can use the phone.

Don't you have some emotional issues that are getting you down and need to talk each night to your psychologist, Dr Cullen?"

"Oh I do, I need to talk to him every night or I can't sleep."

"I will arrange a nightly phone consultation with the office there when we are done."

"What are my issues again, Dr Cullen?"

"Your parents, Charlie and Renee, are verging on a divorce."

"I think that ship has sailed," she answered gruffly.

"No, baby, it's happening now and you are away so there's nobody to help you through the trauma. You need professional guidance to cope with the shock, they were fine before you left."

"Gosh, it's so unexpected ..I may need a lot of counselling."

"I'll arrange everything when we are done."

"Aren't we done yet, Edward, is that why your dick is so hard again? Is that why it is begging for attention? Does it need Miss Swan the teacher in her white blouse that has fallen open and come undone, and look she forgot to wear a bra, Edward, her breasts are hanging out and the nipples are so hard."

Edward swallowed loudly and started rocking his body with his eyes shut as Miss Swan spoke quietly into the phone.

"You have been such a very naughty boy, Edward, I am afraid I have to punish you. Hold you dick tight in your hand and rub it along Miss Swan's folds, Edward, but first she is going to lean over her desk and you have to flip her skirt up over her back. Did you flip up the flippy skirt, Edward?"

"Yessss,"

"Can you see her naked ass, Edward? Do you want to touch it? Do you wish you could do things to that ass, Edward? Are you a very bad boy?"

"Bellaaa," he moaned, his hand moving faster.

"Or do you like fucking her wet pussy from behind, Edward?"

"Yes, yes," he chanted.

"Ask Miss Swan if you may fuck her, Edward."

"I need to fuck you, please, Miss Swan," he begged.

"Oh yes, put that big boy inside me Edward and fuck Miss Swan nice and hard, harder, come on, baby, hard, so hard you come inside her, Edward, and fill her up with your come, Edward."

"Belllaaa" he screamed as his dick jerked and flooded his hand and stomach again.

"Keep fucking me, Edward, slower, slower."

He pumped until he was completely calm again and swallowed.

"Fuck, Bella, we are doing this every single day. I think I will buy Nicole completely and keep her in my closet and stick a foot in every time you call me."

xxx xxx xxx

Bella sat in the visitor's chair at the desk and faced the administrator.

"And there was no sign of any disharmony between them when you left?" he asked.

"No, they have been happily married for years and I wish I could go home and help but I have to finish my course. I feel so guilty. And sad."

She wiped away a tear, well, almost a tear. It's not easy to make a tear fall for no reason.

"And this is your usual psychologist?"

"Yes, I had some issues growing up, I don't like to talk about them with strangers, you understand."

"Of course. I will approve a one hour consultation Bella, every night from 9pm. You must come and tell me if you need to visit an actual psychologist here, though. We need to see to all our students special needs. Promise me?"

"I will but I have already bonded with Dr Cullen. He seems to get the best results with me."

"Fine, I will reschedule any students who usually have that phone time."

Edward was delighted and he booked Nicole to call into his room every afternoon at 5 minutes to 3. He had a study break from 3 until 7pm every day now, as he would rather work on his theory lessons into the night that were empty anyway And now he could stop dating. Nicole was happy to accept the booking, as she said, he was the easiest client to get off that she had ever had. Best results with the smallest effort, she was looking forward to the daily break and a chance to sit down and relax and have a coffee while she listened to music, and just kept some form of chaste contact with Edward.

Edward decided to go for broke and he told Carlisle he was dating a girl who made him feel, and he increased Nicole's hours to include dinner after phonesex, so from 3pm when the phone sex happened, until they ate together at 6pm, they talked and got to know one another before she headed to her club to work the night.

"It's going to be like a paid holiday for me," she sighed contentedly. "And I get fed."

Carlisle was fascinated, of course.  
"So, you are spending three hours each day with another girl who makes you feel?"

"Isn't that the idea? What you want?"

"I want you to know for sure it's Bella you love and want, and not just a girl who can make you have touch. But if you date this …"

"Nicole,"

"Nicole, and she has the same physical effect on you and doesn't get inside your heart like Bella appears to have done, then that is all I ask. Edward, do this, date this girl, and I will buy your house completely."

"Thank you, Dad," he answered.

"Edward, this is a little awkward. Have you considered doing things of a sexual nature with her? Just so you can compare and be really sure? I don't need to hear details. There's no shame in getting to know two girls in that way, heck, most of your friends probably have dozens of sex partners. Bella would not object to you knowing one other girl that way, just to be really sure?"

Edward refused to comment on Bella's other partners, or rather the lack of them , in case Carlisle used her lack of experience against them further. Then he saw a way to make everyone happy.

"Bella is having some sexual experiences while she is in France. We agreed that we could do whatever we wanted between the hours of 9 and midnight. her time, which is 3pm until 6pm our time."

"The time you are with Nicole. So, you have experienced release from Nicole's touch?"

"I have experienced release from her touch," he confirmed. Technically he was telling the truth. Nicole touched him and he got off. Okay, Nicole touched his foot and he got off from his hand and Bella's words, but Carlisle did say he didn't need to hear details.

"I think you are doing the right thing, son, and if you and Bella decide to stay together when she gets back , you will both have my full support. I just needed you to explore other options and be sure it was love and not choosing from a pool of one."

"I don't feel about Nicole like I do Bella. I feel nothing but gratitude towards her. I would not even want to know her if it wasn't for her making me feel."

"That's great, Edward, already you are finding out more about your feelings for Bella by being with Nicole. We just need a few weeks to see if things change, then Bella will be back and the decision will be clear by then. Thank you, son. Go tell the realtor we are settling on that house you chose and I will start proceedings. It will be yours by the time this experiment is over."

Edward grinned. A house for him and Bella to share and live in while they attended college. This was great. She would love it and no doubt they would sell it and move elsewhere once school was over.

Everything was working out well. Now he just needed to get rings on her third finger of her left hand and make sure everyone knew she belonged to him. Forever.

He lay on his bed and pictured Bella swollen with his baby and sighed. One day, it would happen and their lives would be complete, perfect and complete.

He needed a chance to show he was not like his bios. He would accept and love his child no matter what problems the child may have, if any. Chris was researching to find other children like theirs would be, a child of an I.N. parent and a non carrier.

Maybe if they were lucky, their child would be normal like Bella and not inherit this curse from him.

xxx xxx xxx


	9. Chapter 9

Warm

Chapter 9

Edward signed on the dotted line and shook Carlisle's hand. It was done, he owned a small but pretty house in a nice neighborhood right near Yale. He and Bella could walk to class together, when she got home, when she finished at SeattleU, when she lived with him. He couldn't stand still a moment longer. Seventeen hours and forty three minutes until her plane landed. He wondered how he could survive that long.

Esme kissed his cheek and wiped a tear from his face.

"What was that?" he asked, perplexed.

"You are crying, sweetie. I know you want her back now, this instant, but it won't be much longer. Let's go buy Bella something awesome. What do you think she would like?"

"I have no idea but if you don't distract me I may combust. Maybe clothes? Books? Shoes?"

"I think shoes really need to be tried on but we could go buy some nice lingerie," Esme suggested, knowing it may be the one thing to make time pass more quickly.

Edward's eyes shone and he grabbed her hand. Esme wished again that she had the ability to make him feel, it seemed so unfair. He was her child yet she could not do this one small thing that others could.

Nicole was a nice enough girl but Esme knew there was absolutely nothing between her and Edward, his eyes could not lie. He brought her to dinner when they visited, they both rambled on about their dates they went on each evening and told her and Carlisle about the restaurants they had eaten at and whether each was worth a return visit.

Carlisle was perplexed and worried he had forced his son into a meaningless sexual relationship that may come between him and the girl he loved. What did Bella really think of Edward allowing Nicole to touch him? She could not be indifferent and she would blame him and he was ashamed to have suggested it now.

If Edward lost Bella over something he had insisted upon, he would never forgive himself but more devastatingly, neither would they.

He could see no connection between Nicole and Edward and his son was clearly unfazed by saying thanks and goodbye to the girl now his Bella was almost home again. He had asked Edward straight out if he had slept with Nicole and Edward had laughed and said no sleeping had been involved, making Carlisle cringe further.

Then Edward clapped him on the back and assured him, quietly, with a wicked grin, that his dick had never been inside any woman but Bella and that was the way he intended keeping it.

Carlisle walked behind his wife and son and wondered if there would be a backlash. Edward had said far too calmly that Bella was experiencing sexual encounters in France yet he knew his son. Edward would have flown over there and killed every man involved and even though he had scanned the papers and internet news services, there were no reports of any deaths in that region where Bella was staying.

He guessed he would never know the truth.

Esme turned and smiled as they entered the store and Carlisle's eyes lit up. Oh good, his favorite store. He loved to see his wife dressed up all sexy and willing, waiting for his touch.

He had been thinking lately about role playing, and whether she would indulge if he asked her. He may as well bite the bullet and ask her now. He took her hand and led her down the back of the shop while Edward gravitated towards the suspenders and stockings section.

Edward found a dozen almost outfits he longed to see on his Bella, and he heaped them up and the salesgirl kept coming to him and taking them to place on the front counter. No doubt she was hoping for a large commission and hoped by taking them to the register, he would go ahead and purchase them all. He intended to. He had his father's creditcard and he would be giving it a workout. Call it a bonus.

"Is there anything I can help you find?" the other sales girl asked, and Edward stiffened in shock as he felt her arm brush against his. He felt something, not a lot, no detail, just a feeling of warmth. It seemed different women affected him in different degrees but he was glad because with them, it was simply interest they could do this, with Bella, it was all consuming love, and even if she lost her ability to make him feel, it was too late. They were committed to one another permanently now.

Sixteen hours fifty minutes.

"Yes, I want some 'special' panties for my wife," he answered.

She was his wife in every way but the legal sense. That would be remedied the very minute he talked her into a wedding. Any kind, an internet marriage would do him. He just wanted her to be his and his alone. She still had to return to SeattleU and finish her year there but he had convinced her to stay here for a week or two before that. Carlisle would certify she had a virus and needed bedrest.

Bed would be involved, rest sadly not, he grinned.

The woman held out various pairs of lacy crotchless panties and Edward took every pair in Bella's size. There was something so erotic about the feel of lace between their bodies when they made love.

He glanced down the store and saw his mother answer her phone and smile. He cringed as he saw Carlisle was holding several Esme sized dress up outfits. Little Red Riding Hood? Alice In Wonderland? Wasn't the name alone enough to put him off that one?

The Police Lady and the Serving Wench he could understand, in fact...

He wandered down and casually looked through them himself. Naughty Nurse, Esme would NEVER allow that one in the house, too many naughty nurses had chased her husband all these years, their uniform would not be an instrument of pleasure.

Edward could see Bella as a naughty nurse.

He lifted the outfit off the rack, and examined it. No back to speak of, and the pockets on the breasts were able to be detached, leaving holes instead. Edward could picture her pink nipples and full breasts sticking through right there.

His dick was hard and he ignored it.

He flicked through the other costumes and found one that made him choke slightly. Naughty Teacher. Flippy skirt. He had found Miss Swan's teaching outfit. He would be buying that one as well.

He found one in Bella's size and his father smirked at him.

"I guess you don't want to know which ones Esme has chosen to try on," he chuckled.

"Not listening," Edward answered and found a pretty pink tutu like skirt, very short, very very short, in satin, with a artfully tied ribbon on the backside and a single layer of petticoat in soft white tulle and a pink corset top that lace up the front. It looked wrong somehow, too short.

"It doesn't cover the breasts, just ends right underneath them and holds them out," Carlisle advised him. Edward almost put it back because his father seemed too familiar with the outfit, then decided, if his parents still had such a good sex life, why was he cringing? Maybe he would take after Carlisle and still be buying Bella dress ups when they had been together that long. Nothing wrong with that, he decided, having seen it from his own perspective, and he grinned at his father, and kept the pink set as well.

The thought had entered his head,'maybe it was genetic', and as always, it caused him to pause for a moment as he remembered he was not their biological child. It was always a shock to realize that. Many people who didn't know, told him how like his father he was, except his coloring was all his Mom's, Esme had the same reddish tinged hair and green eyes as he had.

He liked to imagine he was their child and had been stolen by Elizabeth and Edward Masen but that's where the story came undone. That pair would never steal a child, they didn't even want their own.

It still stung, the hurt would probably never fade. Knowing they had simply not wanted him at all, and had not adjusted once he was born was always a shock and a source of great distress and pain to Edward. He could not imagine anything better than he and Bella having a child together and he would be asking her to consider just that at the altar, if she was not pregnant by then. He would have loved it had that stick turned pink before she went to France. Imagine, she would be large and round and utterly adorable by now, fat and rosy cheeked and his baby would be inside her, kicking and playing and waiting to meet them.

He had no preference for the gender, either was a miracle. Little boys held the same charm as a daughter, he just wanted a baby with his Bella.

He took the outfits to the counter and paid for all his purchases.

"I will be in the other shops, just call me when you are done," he told his Dad and left the shop.

His car was right outside so he stowed the bags and wandered down further, spying a dress that Bella would look gorgeous in and once inside the shop, he soon had added a couple of full skirts in a gypsy style, and a couple of blouses to go with them, heavily embroidered in greens and blues and red.

Next stop was unplanned, he just saw the Baby Shop and couldn't help himself. He browsed and gaped at the tiniest sized garments, did babies really start out that small? He couldn't resist a little pink frock and a blue sailor type suit and he bought both, unashamed to admit when the salesgirl asked, that they were for his future children.

He possibly should not show them to Bella for a few years yet but he liked knowing they were there.

He was eying off a new pair of boots in the shoe store but was unsure of her size when his phone trilled.

"Coffee shop, two doors down, we can see you," Carlisle said and Edward shut the phone and walked to the shop. He dropped his new parcels and saw his father raise an eyebrow at the sight of the bag from Babyland.

"No, she isn't but she will be one day," he answered the question his father's expression asked.

"Where's Mom?"

"In the Ladies. What do you want to drink?"

Edward considered and turned at the sound of two women laughing and talking. He froze.

Bella let go of his mother's hand and literally sprinted across the room into his arms.

"I got an earlier flight. Your Mom told me where.."

He cut her off, placing his eager lips over hers and kissing her like she was the oasis and he was the thirsty man in the desert. Bella was home.

Somehow he managed to drink a coffee and eat something, a muffin? and he never let go of her hand or looked away from her eyes.

She looked so beautiful.

She smelt so refreshingly different to every other woman in his life that he dreamed about her scent when she was away.

"Don't ever leave me again," he growled, out of the blue. His parents and Bella stopped talking.

"I missed you too much, I wanted to run away and crawl into your bed and keep you prisoner forever," he finished.

"Edward, I have arranged for Bella to finish this year at Yale," Carlisle informed him. "No point waiting any longer, you two will want to be in your new house together and Bella's car will be delivered next Friday. You will have possession of the house by tonight but I imagine you won't be going anywhere needing two cars for a while."

Edward grinned, money made so many things possible. The house was partially furnished, there was a bed in the guestroom and there was a fridge and washing machine. No proper three piece suite but there was an old red sofa, and they could buy whatever else they wanted tomorrow.

"Bella and I ….I need to show the house to Bella," Edward said, and Carlisle handed him the keys.

They quickly kissed and said goodbye and Edward led his girl to the car and stowed her bags and his shopping away.

"Who is having a baby?" Bella asked.

"We are, one day." Edward answered.

She smiled the most perfect smile and he grinned back.

They were on the same page, clearly.

"After college," she said.

"Do you mean, born after college finishes?" Edward checked.

"Edward, I would really like to be at home enjoying my pregnancy, not waddling to classes. Let's wait until we graduate."

"Fine ,but there is one thing I would like you to reconsider."

"Okay, what would that be?" she asked as he sped through the quiet streets.

"Please let us be engaged. I can't do the promise ring and wait any longer. Just give in to this one thing and I won't even nag you to set a date for the wedding."

"Okay," she said and he looked at her, stunned.

"Yes? You will agree to become engaged? When?"

"There's no time like the present. Tonight. Got the ring?" she asked.

He narrowed his eyes and stopped the car in front of their house. Watching her reaction, he pulled a small velvet box, old and tattered, faded with age and use, from his pocket.

"This ring is made from both Esme's mother's ring, and Carlisle's Mom's ring as well. My parents want you to have it."

"Shouldn't it go to Alice?" Bella asked, not taking the box yet.

"No, she has other items she preferred. Esme particularly wants my wife to wear this ring. It would mean a lot to her and Carlisle. You know they consider all of us, but especially me, their own offspring."

"That's so nice, of course I want the ring, I love that it is special and has such meaning to everyone," Bella agreed. Edward grinned and pocketed the box again.

He opened her door and carried her bridal style into the house.

"We aren't married yet," she reminded him.

"Pity," he growled. Like Bella, he had always been so much older than his age indicated. They were no longer anything like teens, they had both been adults for what seemed like ages now. The joint loss of their virginities had pushed them into new roles, as adult lovers and left their dwindling teen years behind them

He lay her on the bed in the guestroom and snuggled beside her.

"I am exhausted but I imagine you have a cure for that," she chuckled.

"I sure do, Miss Swan. I hope you have your teacher's manual on you, we need to read the rules about relationships between teachers and the headmaster," he growled.

He dashed to the car while she showered and laughed when they realized they had no towel. Edward dried her body with a roll of kitchen paper and kissed her naked body over and over.

Bella laughed at the tartan flippy skirt and pulled it on, with a pair of red special panties and tied the white cotton button blouse under her breasts, not bothering with any buttons at all. Her breasts sat nestled in the fabric, and Edward leaned in and kissed them.

"Behave, Mr Cullen or I will have the Board of Education down on you so fast," she threatened, picking up her pointing stick.

"Are you going to whip me to submission with that?" he asked, pulling off his clothes and tossing them onto the floor.

Bella grinned wickedly and danced around, making her skirt spin out and reveal the hot red knickers beneath and Edward was gone, hard as stone, desperate and needy.

Bella laughed and ran out of the bedroom, into the sitting room, pausing at the arm of the red sofa, grinning madly.

"I've lost something, I need to find it," she said, leaning over the back and exposing her lace covered backside.

Edward slid inside her and grabbed her hips tightly.

"Hmm, I seem to have found it again," she sighed happily.

Edward bucked in slowly and surely, grinding against her backside tightly.

"It almost feels like you are inside there," she murmured.

"Do you want me in there because I am willing to try it," he offered.

"Don't you have to do stuff to prepare it first?" she asked.

"Probably, I will Google it later," Edward offered.

Bella chuckled.

"If you do it at college, make sure you clear your history afterwards," she half joked.

"Right now all I want is some hot Teacher sex," he said, biting down gently on her neck and ramming himself inside her again.

xxx

Edward delighted in showing his love around campus and introducing her to any fellow students he had decided were worth knowing. Emmett was thrilled to have her back and hoped Edward would be happy again, even with the afternoon delight sessions on the phone with Nicole holding his foot, he had craved the real thing. Emmett saw straight away that these two, his brother and Bella, were about much more than just sex or touch, they had a connection and it radiated around them both like an aura.

The girls in school abruptly changed their attitude towards Edward. Either they sighed and accepted he truly was taken in a permanent way or they bristled at Bella and resented her sudden appearance and the change it brought about in the beautiful man whose arm was forever around her tiny waist as they walked to and from class.

Bella found it quite natural, and adapted quickly to be where she needed to be, back with Edward was the only important thing, the whole Yale part seemed so irrelevant now. All she wanted was to be where he was.

She would follow him anywhere.

Much as it had been hard staying in France, she was glad she had done it, the trip and enforced absence had pushed them so much closer. It had been a gamble and a risk, it could have gone either way, but they had won and proved what they both needed to know, they were meant to be. Perfect together, useless apart.

Carlisle was beside himself with joy that there seemed to be no after effects, and he and Esme returned home to Alice and Jasper and their careers, sure Edward was finally in his proper place in the world at last.

xxx xxx xxx

Alice was waiting on the door stoop, her eyes wide and frightened.

"What's up, sweetie?" Esme asked, pulling her daughter into an embrace.

"This letter came for Edward and I think it's bad news. It feels bad, it feels sad and bad and horrid."

Esme hugged her in tighter.

"It could kill him," Alice mouthed, her eyes fixed and glassy.

Carlisle kissed Alice's cheek and took the envelope. It was from the Masen's, so no surprise it was bad news. There had never been any good news. The knowledge they were staying away, out of their son's life had been excellent but now maybe things were changing.

He rang Edward and explained about the letter and offered to send it on.

Edward hesitated, unsure if he even wanted to know.

"Both names are on the back, as the senders?" he checked.

"Yes, both names, handwritten." So, it wasn't notification that one of the couple had died. No, Carlisle cursed, if that were the case Alice would have gotten good vibes.

"Okay, send it to me," Edward decided. Whether he would open and read it depended on the mood he was in when it arrived at his new little house.

The house was full of pretty furniture and love and nothing was allowed to intrude if it threatened to change that.

Bella was playing house, buying curtains and side tables and their new king sized bed dominated their now pretty bedroom.

Emmett was over to visit most nights, Rose had to study in the school grounds four nights a week as part of the rules to attend, so he was at a loose end anyway, and he helped Edward get the small yard into shape. They were building a pergola along the back wall and planned on a white wooden Summerhouse in the side garden, behind the garage, where the most vacant space lay.

Bella was excited, the house was a dream come true and Edward had explained about his future inheritance and assured her they would not have to wait to start a family once college was done; they could afford to live in decent enough style on just his wage.

Both agreed if they had a child, Bella would be minding it herself, not leaving it in some creche for strangers to mold and bond with.

It would be their baby, their child, their future.

Bella answered the knock on the door and signed for the overnight delivery envelope and wondered whether to give it straight to Edward now. He was in a happy mood, he and Emmett were putting down the wooden floor of the Summer House already. Once Edward decided to do something, he got right on with it.

"Bella, who was at the door?" he asked as she took a tray of glasses and a pitcher of lemonade out to sate their thirsts in the balmy evening.

"Um, delivery boy, your letter arrived."

Edward frowned and took a drink and sat on the lawn. Bella flopped down beside him and held his free hand. Emmett looked mildly concerned, he could sense the tension that had suddenly appeared.

"What the hell, open it," Edward growled.

Bella handed it to him to do so, she really didn't want to know if it was something with the potential to come between them.

Edward scanned the pages inside and furrowed his brow and then folded it away again.

"Nothing important. Last minute guilt about tossing me away, they want to meet me with the hope we can form some sort of bond," he growled quietly, kissing the top of Bella's head.

"Too little too late," he added. "Come on Emmett, this thing is not going to build itself."

Laying together in bed, Bella sensed he was thinking about the letter, and his bio parents, but was unsure whether to encourage him to talk or not. Edward usually liked to bring up anything he wanted to talk about once he was ready. If she tried at the wrong moment, he would frown and torture his hair and become annoyed, so she simply stroked his chest and lay her head against his shoulder as he puzzled things out himself.

"Nothing can come between us, especially not them," he finally said in the darkness.

Bella kissed his chin and nodded.

Parental approval from that pair was not necessary, in her view. They gave him away, Carlisle and Esme raised him, if anyone deserved the privilege of approving or disapproving of anything Edward did, it was the Cullens over the Masens.

Edward was nineteen, they had no legal standing anyway.

She cuddled into his side and was relieved when his thoughts shifted to more enjoyable pursuits and she opened her legs and welcomed him inside eagerly.

xxx xxx xxx

Edward breathed out and grimaced. He supposed he had to at least answer. He wanted to have the least possible contact with them but he wondered if none at all would be acceptable, if they would take that as his complete indifference to them and anything they had to say to him. He read the letter again as he sat in the college courtyard and waited for Bella to finish her class. He had a recital that night, and wanted a clear head so was it better to simply call them, and find out what they wanted specifically, and get it over and done with or push the whole thought to the back of his mind and get on with more pressing things?

He had a natural curiosity about his bio's, what made them tick, what made him so much of a monster they had chosen to toss him away, out of their lives.

He sighed and called the number in the letter.

"Edward Masen" the voice on the other end said.

"Hello. It's Edward, Edward Cullen," he replied. He wanted to make it clear from the start he knew who his real parents were and that was not changing. He was a Cullen.

"Edward, good of you to call. Your …..mother and I would very much like to meet you and have a chat," he said stiffly, his voice well educated, but cold, even the effort to sound more warm and normal sounded quite hollow and false, like a bad actor unable to fulfil a role.

"Can you tell me what about? I have a very full schedule at college, in fact I have a piano concert tonight, I really don't get a lot of spare time," Edward explained. He hoped the man would get to the real point and not insist on a face to face before dropping whatever bombshell he had in store.

Edward was a realist, this was not going to be some happy reconciliation between parents and long lost much missed child. He was not the prodigal son and no fatted calf would be on the menu. They wanted something. Maybe just too reassure themselves they had done the right thing in their twisted minds. He hoped it was as simple as that but Alice was never wrong.

That scenario was more one that would cause her a slight unease, not the almost terror she had exhibited.

"Very well. Elizabeth is ill, she needs to see you and try and explain her side of things to you before... Anyway, would you be willing to allow a single meeting? I would appreciate it if you could find the time quickly, she is not well, not at all."

"Maybe. Where?" Edward asked.

"We live quite nearby, now you are at Yale. We moved to Connecticut a few years ago. We could meet here at the house or at a restaurant, whatever suits you."

"How sick is...Elizabeth? Is she able to visit a restaurant?" Edward asked, looking around anxiously for Bella, needed her to ground him as the conversation continued.

"Good point. Are you willing to come to the house?"

"I will be bringing my wife with me," Edward answered.

"You are married?" the man said in surprise. He almost sounded eager and relieved at the hope when he went on to ask: "Do you have progeny?"

"Progeny? You mean children?" Edward replied, perplexed. They had shown their complete disinterest in parenthood, yet they wanted to know if he had children? At nineteen, wasn't the news he was 'married' startling enough? Or maybe they could only imagine someone his age marrying because he 'had' to, had to do the right thing and accept his 'mistake'. No child of his and Bella's would ever be a mistake, they would love and accept it and fit their lives around it even if it happened tomorrow.

"Yes, children, of course," the man replied. Edward had the idea his biological father did not even see children as human beings, yet he was keen to know this fact. Maybe they wanted another chance, wanted to be grandparents seeing they rejected parenthood? It didn't seem to fit.

"No, I am not a father," Edward answered. "Not yet. I do look forward to that joy in my future. We both do, my Bella and I."

There, deal with it, we are different to you. We will keep our son. We will not reject him and give him to strangers like some unwanted unplanned litter of kittens.

"You should do that, have prog...children, sooner rather than later," the man replied.

Edward shook his head. This was rather bizarre. The man was encouraging a nineteen year old to procreate, not even knowing if he had the means to support a family. For all he knew, Edward had borrowed against the legacy to buy the house or pay for college. He could be penniless.

Bella ran to him silently and wrapped herself around him, hugging his waist tightly. Edward leaned and kissed the top of her head and rolled his eyes at the phone.

She grinned and they walked away together, slowly, Bella quiet as Edward spoke.

"Maybe we can discuss this when we meet. I really do need to prepare for my recital."

"Fine. Does this Saturday, tomorrow, say 7.30pm suit? Elizabeth needs to retire to her bed by 10 pm."

"Fine. Send your address to this phone in a text. See you then," he finished, snapping the phone closed.

"What was that about?" Bella asked.

"Dinner with the bio's, tomorrow night."

"Am I invited?" she asked.

"Of course, I go nowhere without my wife."

"Edward, you didn't tell them we were married, you are just naughty."

"It's weird, he seemed happy to hear that lie. I think I said it just to shock him but that backfired. He may cry when he finds out I was joking. He even hoped we had children. Nothing makes sense. Maybe he has forgotten how old I am and thinks it's been 29 years."

"Edward, he would know when you were born. They would never be able to forget that."

Edward frowned and continued walking.

Home welcomed them and they made love quickly and joyfully before getting ready for the recital. Esme and Carlisle and even Jas and Alice were flying in for it, and Rose would be there with Emmett seeing it was a Friday night.

Edward knew he would do himself and his family proud, he didn't feel even the slightest fear of failure. Bella inspired him so much with his music, now she was back all was rosy in his world again and everyone would hear that tonight, in his music.


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you all so much for reviews, I wish I had time to answer every one. They are much appreciated and keep me here at fanfic despite the lure of another site inviting me there instead.**

Warm

Chapter 10

Bella looked around the audience excitedly. She recognized a few famous and almost famous faces and pointed some out to Alice, who sat beside her, holding her hand tightly.

"Is that...Jas, is that the lead singer of..."

Jas grinned and nodded.

"Who knew emo's liked classical music," he laughed.

Bella wished she had a close up lens on her camera. She had not expected this to be as large and prestigious a night as it was. She kind of thought it would be a small group of relatives listening to the best of the Music class showing off their stuff. It was more like a real concert at some famous music hall.

She half stood in shock when she saw her favorite author in the audience. She was with a gray haired man who looked strangely familiar in some way. She had never met Lisa Volterra but she had every single novel the woman had written. She wished she had brought the latest with her, and asked for an autograph.

Jas pointed out the Mayor and a female singer who was becoming almost famous as well. A star studded evening, amazing.

Bella settled as the lights dimmed and she waited until the single spotlight hit the stage and there he was, her Edward, resplendent in his tux, playing the grand piano, lost in his own world. The notes were haunting and beautiful and she heard Esme sniff and Carlisle patted her hand.

The music seared right through her body and into her soul and felt so personal, like he played for her alone.

Edward was amazing.

Bella knew he was clever and talented and he often played for her but this was different. The setting, the atmosphere, the staging, suddenly she knew her Edward was even more special than she ever suspected.

The audience was silent as he finished, and he hung his head and dropped his hands and slowly looked up, towards them, coming back to earth. The applause was deafening. Almost everyone was standing, clapping, even cheering.

Edward walked to center stage and bowed and his face lit up in a brilliant smile as he caught sight of Bella, and he theatrically blew her a kiss.

She laughed and caught it and held it against her heart.

The lights dimmed and a group of stringed instruments and their players took the stage and she waited for her 'husband' to slide into the seat between hers and Carlisle's.

Then he was there, in the dark, taking her hand and kissing it as he sat down.

"You are amazing," Bella whispered. Carlisle patted his back and Alice smiled, but it didn't touch her eyes. She was sitting slightly bent over, as though in pain.

"What's wrong, Alice?" Edward whispered.

"They're here," she replied, rubbing her back on the lower right side.

Edward kissed her cheek and settled down to watch the others from his class.

The family headed out to a private room in a local restaurant and none of them could shut up about how well Edward had played. When the last violinist had exited the stage, the host had asked Edward to return and play another song as the finale for the evening, and he had stood to much applause and done just that. There was not a dry eye in the house after his lilting, sad, breathtaking composition filled the air. You felt the emotions and wanted to cry but had no idea why. He could make you feel sad and angsty and hunger from just his notes. Bella had felt almost heartbroken, and shook the feeling away.

Alice was silent all evening, Jas holding her hand and talking quietly to her as she sat, often staring at nothing, holding her side again.

Carlisle insisted on examining her when they returned to the little house but there was no physical cause, Alice assured him.

Bella lay with Edward and felt the adrenalin still rolling off him, he was on a natural high. He sat up and reached into his drawer and opened the familiar velvet box, kneeling beside her side of the bed. Bella gasped a little and sat up.

"Tonight feels right. Isabella Marie Swan, would you do me the extraordinary honor of agreeing to marry me and become my wife? I promise to love you for every minute of forever," he said, his eyes filled with both tears and sincerity.

"I do, yes," she laughed. Maybe a little early for the 'I do' yet.

Edward slid the ring on her finger and kissed her fingers before he climbed back into bed.

His arms went around her and he pulled her in close.

"I love you, my Bella and I promise to love you forever. I will never do anything to hurt you," he promised.

"I love you, Edward, and I trust you with my heart," she replied, touching the engraved locket she had never removed since putting it on during the flight to France.

He smiled against her face and started touching her intimately.

"Edward, your parents are in our guestroom," she whispered anxiously.

"I do believe they already know we make love, they have known for some time now. I told them the morning after the first time, in fact."

Bella felt her cheeks burn. She pretty much suspected that by the way his parents had always welcomed and accepted her into their home, never offering her use of a guest room.

And Dr Cullen, Carlisle, had insisted on doing that blood test because of the fight, so although they pretended he was doing a standard everyday test, for anemia maybe, both knew the truth.

All the same, it was embarrassing, him telling them that so soon after they had become close. They were not yet a proper couple back then, it could have ended as quickly as it had begun.

"What did they say?" she asked fearfully.

"Carlisle asked me if I wanted applause," Edward smirked.

"I bet you took it," she replied, burying her face in his chest.

"I had all the accolades I needed from you already," he laughed quietly."Yes, Edward, you are a love God, didn't it go something like that?"

Bella bit him gently.

"Ouch, what, woman?"

"Telling your parents! Edward, I can't believe you did that. You could have waited until we were together properly."

"That was not together properly? I guess it felt pretty improper, when I think about it," he joked and ran a lubed finger down her front, from throat to sex.

He slid it inside her, finding her already wet and swollen.

He traced from clit to sex and back, repeatedly, then slid his erection inside her and gently pushed his finger inside her backside.

"No, Edward, no..." she moaned softly and he ground against her, moving his finger in and out as his dick did the same in her pussy. As one went out, the other went in, and she couldn't help moving against him.

His other hand worked a nipple, and his mouth was on hers, teasing her tongue with his own.

She moaned into his mouth as he plunged and withdrew and plunged again, flexing his hips, grinding against her eager clit.

When her walls began to flutter, he pushed both finger and erection deep inside and lay there , holding her close in the small of her back with his other hand as he filled her.

Bella felt the wave flow over her again and again and the pleasure never seemed to have a beginning or ending. Her entire body pulsed and tingled and shook with the most overwhelming sensations she had ever experienced, and having been with Edward so many times, that was saying something. He never failed to please but he had taken her to a higher level of pleasure now and she felt as weak as a ragdoll as she slowly came back to earth.

He withdrew from her body and she sighed with disappointment that he hadn't stayed inside her forever.

"Come have a shower, I need to be sure I didn't hurt you in any way," he whispered and they crept into the bathroom off their bedroom. Bella took the ring off her finger and lay it carefully on the bench.

He washed her gently and paid special attention to her backside, but she felt fine. A single finger had not hurt, in fact she knew she would be hoping he would do that again. Her orgasm had been so intense with the added stimulation of nerves there, who would have thought?

Edward kissed her and held her tightly and put his forehead against hers.

"Forever, Bella, I can't accept anything less."

"For eternity, Edward," she replied.

He smiled, Edward was happy.

Happier than he had ever been in his life.

He led her to bed after a session with a large fluffy soft towel, and they cuddled together in the dark. He hummed the music of the first composition he had played earlier and she smiled and touched his face.

"Bella's Lullaby. That's what I named it," he said quietly. "You inspired it so I wrote it for you. Now you will always know how my heart feels about you, no matter what happens."

Bella frowned a little. Nothing was going to happen, he had promised her forever.

xxx xxx xxx

The Masen house was large and imposing and screamed of unlimited funds. The Cullens were well off, rich even, but this was so much more. Bella felt herself tremble a little.

Edward held her hand more tightly.

"Money does not make anyone a good person, Bella. Don't let them make you feel any less wonderful and special than you know you are. I chose you, so you know you are the most amazing woman in the universe. Remember that."

They stepped up to the front door and Bella caught her breath when it was opened by an almost familiar man in his fifties. Gray hair, lots of it, sharp jaw, hazel eyes.

"Edward, Bella, please come in. I am Edward Masen, of course."

"Of course," Edward echoed. They walked inside and Bella's eyes grew as large as saucers.

"I shall fetch Elizabeth, she is in a wheelchair but don't let it alarm you, it's just to conserve her strength, she can and does walk."

Bella walked around the room, peering at the hundreds of books in the shelves covering every wall. Lots of her favorites were here but where she had the paperback versions, these were first editions, bound in leather, the titles etched in gold.

Bronte, Byron, she moved across the room. The books were in alphabetical order according to author. The last books were an entire shelf of Lisa Volterra novels, bound similarly. Bella couldn't resist picking one up and running her fingers over the soft white leather cover.

"Your biological parents have good taste in literature," she said quietly.

"Thank you, my dear. Would you like me to autograph that for you?" asked the woman in the wheelchair.

"But you are..." Bella stuttered.

"I write under my maiden name. My father never called me Elizabeth, too stuffy. Edward prefers it so I am Elizabeth at home and Lisa to the world."

Bella stood there gaping. She was going to marry Lisa Volterra's natural son.

She turned to Edward, amazed and shocked.

"You were there last night, I saw you both," Bella babbled.

"We were, we wanted to hear Edward play. You were magnificent, you have a very brilliant career in front of you, son," the man said, turning to face Edward as he spoke.

Edward flinched at the use of the word 'son' but was more concerned with Bella. She looked star struck by the woman who had thrown him away.

Silence fell and all looked awkward.

"Well, do sit down, you really may keep the novel, Bella. We have multiple copies around the place," Edward Snr said, waving a hand vaguely at the rooms off this one.

Elizabeth reached out a hand and Bella handed her the book.

"You have boxed sets of your novels all signed already, I shall give her a set when they leave," he said a little impatiently, taking the book and returning it to the shelf.

Edward sat down and took Bella's hand and caught her gaze, frowning a little. She calmed and sat silently beside him, staring at the floor, not daring to look at her all time favorite author.

Her mind buzzed, this woman wrote such beautiful moving stories, about love and lost love and the pain of losing the ones you love. How could she have just given her own son away yet had those feelings for imaginary couples in her books? Beth Mackenna had tossed herself off a cliff to her death when her baby son died. Bella knew practically every word of every story by heart, she had read and reread them so often. Even on her tenth read she had dissolved in tears the moment the woman announced her pregnancy because Bella knew how much 'Beth' longed for the baby, the son of her dead soldier husband who never knew he had left her with child before he rode into battle for the last time. He was a hero and we wanted him to turn up alive, and indeed he did, but too late. His son had died in infancy and his wife had despaired and taken her own life when she realized she had nothing to live for, no hope of happiness again.

He turned up just minutes too late and followed his wife off the cliff.

Bella bristled, how could she write such beautiful , deep, brokenhearted despair yet feel nothing for Edward?

"I know you both probably hate us and think we are the worst parents ever, but I was never a strong person, Edward, physically or mentally. Being a parent was never what I wanted or expected and I simply could not cope with you. Even a normal child would have been too much, I suspect," she finished.

"Edward is normal. How can you say that?" Bella cried out.

"Sorry, I meant his condition. It made things overwhelming."

"I can imagine how hard it was, having to tell me how to dress and when to remove my sweater, yet Esme managed it with three other children to raise," Edward stated.

"Esme is a wonderful woman and she was blessed with something I wasn't. Maternal instinct. I never wanted a baby, ever. My doctors told me it was impossible, there was nothing to be done, I was barren. I was so pleased to hear that news. Edward and I celebrated and that's the irony, that celebration ended with your conception."

"Why didn't you just have an abortion?" Edward growled.

"It was too late by the time we realized. We trusted the medical profession, whatever was wrong with me was not a pregnancy. They kept testing me for diabetes, rare viruses, things like that. By the time you kicked and announced your presence, it was too late, much too late."

"Then why not surrender me for adoption at birth?" he wished he had never known, never experienced rejection from the couple who created him. If he had been a newborn, and the Cullen's had never told him he was adopted, how much better would his life had been?

"We wanted to do the right thing. We had a baby we never planned to have, we talked about what to do and decided to give you up but Edward's parents arrived and visited us in hospital and piled the room with gifts and toys and then my parents followed suit. I thought it would work, they all wanted you. My mother and mother-in-law helped at first then they hired us a Nanny, Tanya, do you remember her? We coped but then our parents all became ill."

She stopped talking and her eyes flicked to her husbands.

"Your grandparents all died fairly young, Edward," Edward Snr added.

"What from?" Edward asked, suddenly things were moving and clicking into place.

"Both sides had the same thing. Kidney issues."

"You are dying from failing kidneys?" Edward asked the woman in the chair.

"Yes, I..."

"Why not have a kidney transplant? Not to be rude, but you obviously have more money than God, I am sure there are ways to get you to the top of the list."

"Our parents tried that, kidney transplants from unrelated strangers. They lasted a maximum of two years at best, then they had to go back to dialysis and back on the list and more operations."

Edward dropped his head into his hands then stood up, looking into his mother's eyes.

"Now I understand. You want me to donate a kidney to you. But if it's genetic, my kidneys will be bad as well."

"Not for years yet. Nobody got ill until they hit their fiftieth birthday. The signs were there but..." Edward Snr replied.

"Oh, now I get it. You want one of my kidneys to give you thirty more years then when my remaining kidney fails me, you want me to take a kidney from my own child? That's why you hoped I had a child already, that's why you encouraged me to have a family sooner rather than later. More kids, more donors. Did you even expect my children to donate to you if my kidney failed you at some point?" he snarled.

"Edward, like it or not, you hold your mother's life in your hands. If she doesn't get a compatible kidney from a family member, and that means you, she dies. I am not putting her through major surgery every two years, I saw my own parents and in-laws suffer through that. I will make it worth your while."

Edward took Bella's hand and headed for the door, slamming it closed behind him. Bella ran to keep up, her shorter legs unused to his frantic increased stride.

He opened the car door and ushered her inside then closed it sharply and drove home in silence.

Carlisle looked up as the wrath of Edward preceded him into his house.

"Mystery solved, she needs some spare parts and figures I can give them to her," he growled and slammed the bedroom door behind himself. Bella heard the lock click and fell to the sofa.

Esme put an arm around her trembling body and Bella explained to them all what had happened.

xxx xxx xxx

"Emmett, I probably shouldn't ask in front of your parents but would you pick our lock, please?" Bella pleaded.

Emmett grinned and slipped a long thin blade from his wallet.

"Where did that come from? I swear someone must have put it in there by mistake. I wonder what you do with it?"

He slid the blade inside the bedroom door lock and clicked the door open in seconds.

"Fancy that. What a mystery," he muttered, sliding it back inside his wallet again.

Bella rushed inside and surrounded Edward with her arms.

"Don't ever lock me out again, that was mean," she chided, kissing his face tenderly.

Edward rolled and caught her into his arms and kissed her longingly.

"Bella, sometimes I feel like you are the only person in the world capable of loving me completely."

"Don't be horrid, Esme would die for you, Carlisle spends most of his life fretting about you and trying to make sure your life is as good as it gets. Alice has been in actual pain because she loves, you, Emmett and Jas would go to the ends of the earth to save you if that's what it took."

"You didn't mention Rose," he smirked, suddenly in a better mood.

"Rose would,um...maybe throw a bucket of water on you if you were on fire?" Bella suggested.

"Or petrol," he joked.

"Don't be awful, she likes you really."

"Sure she does. It doesn't matter, so long as I have you, I will survive."

"I want you to do more than survive, I want you to be happy," Bella answered.

"You make me happy. Don't ever leave me."

"I won't, I swear I won't."

It did worry her, he was so insecure when he let his guard down and his bio parents had done such a good job of making him seriously doubt his own self worth. He was a beautiful soul inside a perfect body but he did not see himself that way.

'_Give me the child until he is seven and I will give you the man'._ Even the love and devotion Esme and Carlisle had showered on him was too little, too late. Nothing could change the image he had already formed of himself, thanks to those unworthy bio's.

"Come talk to Carlisle, he is out there reading some medical book he apparently never goes anywhere without."

Edward walked out self consciously, grinning at his siblings and parents.

"Sorry, excuse the meltdown."

"Forgiven. Did they indicate the exact nature of their kidney problems?" Carlisle asked, more doctor than father in that moment.

"Nope. He said there were signs but all were well enough before they turned 50," Edward replied.

"Hmm, I think I have an idea of the condition in question. Can I have their phone number, Edward? I would like to discuss some things with your..."

"Edward Masen, not my anything," Edward growled.

Carlisle drifted outside and was soon deep in conversation with presumably, the man whose house Edward and Bella had just fled.

Esme made tea and coffee and everyone sat around waiting. Bella's stomach rumbled and Esme looked at her.

"You didn't get to eat dinner, even, did you? Come into the kitchen, we will have something ready for you and Edward in no time."

Mushroom ravioli soon permeated the air and they sat and ate, holding hands still.

Bella was unsure what to say, she hated that the Masen's had contacted their son just because they needed something from him.

Could a person die giving a kidney away? What if he got an infection in the other kidney and had no back-up? Did this condition rule out children for them? She wanted to ask Carlisle everything but not in front of Edward.

"The condition has clear markers, we can do a blood test and know by tomorrow if you have inherited the curse," Carlisle stated.

"So, if I have it, is it worth even donating a kidney to my...her?" Edward asked.

"Definitely, from her side. I strongly advise against it. You will need your kidneys to function well for as long as possible. Most people get by quite well with just the one but if yours are already doomed to be compromised in your fifties, who knows what will happen with just the one? It may cause the condition to manifest itself earlier. I know you, Edward, I know you would never want a kidney from your own child, so that means donor kidneys and in this circumstance, your body would work hard to destroy them quickly, thus the operations every two years."

"I want to do this," Edward shocked them all by stating.

"No" wailed Alice, falling against Jasper on the couch.

Edward glared at her.

"Keep your thoughts to yourself, please. I know what they said but I also know back then especially, late term abortions were performed, no matter what she said, she could have gotten rid of me. I owe her my existence, and I would like to pay her back and rid myself of any obligation to ever have contact again. If I donate a kidney to her, then no matter what happens, there is no more I can do. I can't give her both, so they will leave me alone and I shall never lie in bed at night and know I condemned someone to death. Someone I could have saved. My conscience will be clear."

Bella felt her eyes fill with tears.

"No," she breathed, unable to gather the strength to scream the word the way she longed to.

Alice was stricken with fear, clinging to Jasper like a drowning man clings to a life raft in a stormy sea. Her eyes were closed, but her face was wet, and Jas was freaking out quietly, trying to calm her down but out of his depth.

"Look, Edward, Alice clearly knows if you donate you die. I say let the woman pay for her sins," Rose said harshly. "You owe her nothing. Sure, she didn't have you murdered, but she did try to murder your soul. Tell me her treatment of you hasn't left scars already? She has already killed part of you, let her burn in Hell."

Emmett frowned but made no attempt to hush Rose up.

"She's right, you owe that bitch zero, bro," he added.

Edward stood and ran a hand through his hair.

"It's easy for you to say that. It will never happen to you. How can I live with myself knowing I could have saved her? Maybe the reason she didn't end up having me killed is because I was meant to do this for her?"

Carlisle growled.

"There is no decision to be made today. The tests will indicate if Edward is a carrier , or will develop the condition himself, those are the only two possibilities. It's genetic. There may be reasons he can't donate, like if the changes have started already. There is no magical date when deterioration starts, they have been lucky to get fifty good years actually, but it is no guarantee that's how things will go for Edward. Until we know the facts, nothing can be considered, let alone decided."

"Can we go do the test now?" Edward asked.

Carlisle furrowed his brow but agreed. Hospitals did have ways of being open 24/7 in emergency situations. If he did the work himself, he was sure he could use the facilities as a professional courtesy.

He made a call and nodded a lot, so Edward walked outside to Carlisle's hire car and held Bella's hand.

"I promise if it jeopardizes our lives together, I won't do it," he promised, kissing the top of her head.

Bella nodded through her tears.

Carlisle slipped into the driver's seat and Edward sat beside him and waved at Bella. Esme walked her back inside, an arm around her trembling shoulders.

"At least by this time tomorrow, we will know if it's even an option. I want to hope it isn't but that means hoping Edward is already losing kidney function. We really are between a rock and a hard place. I wish we had gotten him younger, Bella. They never wanted him, keeping him when they themselves had no interest in raising him, loving him, was blasphemy. They should rot in Hell for that alone. Can you imagine if Carlisle had brought him home to me when he was a newborn? I would have had a little baby of my own to hold and love. I always dreamed of that."

"Did you ever have tests? Is there a reason you don't have children?" Bella asked.

"We did have a son, briefly. He died soon after birth. Carlisle and I, our genes are not a good mix, we are flawed genetically and any child we had would have had over a 70% chance of dying like our son did. He didn't have what it took to survive on his own after delivery. But he did breathe and live a few precious minutes," she said, smiling brightly.

Bella could not even imagine finding any joy in that situation. She guessed when all you had was minutes, they were possibly the very best minutes of your entire life.

"Did you know, before?" she asked. The thought Esme may have not known ahead of time and had expected the boy to live was too distressing.

"I found out while pregnant. The tests were not like they are now but they showed enough for us to know he wouldn't make it."

"Yet you went ahead with the pregnancy," Bella marvelled.

"He had a few minutes, Bella, if we had terminated he would have not even have had those. It was long enough for us to show him we loved him."

Suddenly Bella felt very unsure about whether she would ever be strong enough to face the risk of a pregnancy that did not produce a 100% healthy able child, and none came with that guarantee, even without Edward's genetic time bomb. Maybe Esme and Carlisle had the right idea, raise other kids already here.

She wished Edward was here to hold her and reassure her that they would have a child and that child would be perfect. Esme's arms were warm and comforting but they were the wrong arms.

xxx xxx xxx

Bella awoke to find Edward wrapped around her as always. She had crawled into bed long before he came home with Carlisle, having endured all manner of scans and tests while they were there. The leading nephrologist happened to be there, doing tests on an accident victim and he offered to do a few tests on Edward so they agreed, glad to get things moving.

"How did it go?" she asked when she saw Edward was awake, just laying there silently, watching her.

"There was no sign of any abnormality at all. Yet. They both thought there should be distinct markers by now but all the tests came up clean. The blood tests may reveal something. We find out today how they went."

Bella smiled and snuggled in close, loving his warmth. He was so much warmer than she was.

"He made me buzz a little," Edward added.

Bella raised an eyebrow.

"Buzz?"

"When he touched me, I was feeling this low grade buzzing sensation. Weird."

"I knew there were others out there that could make you feel. See, I am not special at all," she added.

"You must never say that again. The things you make me feel are in here," he said, slapping his chest where his heart lay. "The touches are great but Bella, you make me feel like my heart is full and expanding daily. I can feel it even when you don't touch me."

Bella kissed him tenderly and sighed.

"What are we doing today? Not sitting around waiting I hope?"

"Carlisle and Esme have been invited to Dr Samson's home, to meet his family. I was invited but declined, I want to go somewhere with just you, before the jury decides my fate."

"Edward, it's a blood test, not a panel of twelve of your peers. Not matter what the verdict, you have a choice. You can choose to walk away."

"I wish I could," Edward sighed.

"What are the others doing?" she asked.

"Rose's parents are in town so they are meeting up with her and Emmett, Jas and Alice are flying home this morning. I think Ali needs some distance from me. I don't blame her. It must suck, feeling too much. Maybe I am the lucky one after all."

Breakfast was relaxed and friendly and Alice was back to her usual self. Bella caught her grinning a few times and wondered what the pixie girl knew that they didn't. Surely she would not be this happy if the tests showed Edward was too far along to donate. Yet the other scenario was just as scary.

Bella couldn't stand it much longer and she pulled Alice outside.

"Why the change? You were suicidal, now you look like you won the lottery."

"Edward won, it isn't going to happen. I don't know why, all I know is the tests have ruled out him donating, but he isn't ill. He is fine. Incompatible," she whispered, looking around.

"To his own biological mother?" Bella questioned.

Alice grinned widely.

"Yes, to Elizabeth Masen. She will have to find some dead person willing to give her an organ. I bet she wished she had a house full of 'progeny' now, even if she gave them all away and just took them back now it suits her. And when his father gets ill, guess what? He can't donate to him either so don't even worry about that happening somewhere down the line. His blood type means he can't give them anything, they are better off with strangers."

"Do you know what will happen to Elizabeth? Will she find a donor?" Bella asked.

"I only get vibes about people I love and care about, so I have no idea of what will happen to that woman," Alice replied. "I could make up something truly horrible and put it out there, the universe may be listening, you never know."

"I think Edward not being able to donate is punishment enough," Bella answered. "I am so glad he won't get to have to decide. You know what he can be like, I don't need decades of guilt radiating off him."

"Won't happen. Edward will move on and forget them, what's more."

Bella shook her head, she could not imagine that ever happening. Maybe Ali was losing her touch.

They all said their goodbyes and Edward took Bella away from town to a park with an abundance of wildflowers strewn about in clumps and they lay together and watched the fluffy white clouds overhead.

"What do you know?" he asked, perceptive enough to note her mood.

"You really want to know?" Bella checked.

"I do, whatever it is, tell me, I will deal. I am guessing she dies before I get to donate?"

"No, you are incompatible with either of them," Bella replied.

Edward smiled.

"I guess that takes the ball out of my court. I guess we can move on and pretend they don't exist now," he said quite brightly.

Bella smiled, maybe Ali was right. Maybe he was ready to let go forever and start living for just them. Maybe the curse of the Masen's ended now.

Edward grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet.

"I want to celebrate in private, let's go home."

xxx xxx xxx

Bella rolled away and fought for her breath to return to normal. Edward was definitely back in form, she wondered briefly if she would be able to walk after that workout. She slid from the bed and stood under the shower, surprised Edward did not join her. Usually he insisted they shower together, even on the messy time of the month, he never missed an opportunity to be able to feel the water, it still thrilled him.

She glanced up and saw him standing at the door, grinning. He turned on the tap at the handbasin and washed his hands, splashing the water up into the air. He washed his face and still grinned.

"Edward?" she asked cautiously.

"I can feel, even without you touching me, I can still feel. Warm. I can feel warm. Wet, water, I can feel it."

"God, I wish Esme was here. Does it feel like it's permanent?" she asked, stepping out of the shower. Edward stepped in and rolled his shoulders around and sighed.

"You have the water way too cold," he said, turning the hot tap up further.

Bella flinched, she actually had it quite hot today because she knew everything would be aching soon after his actions of the last three hours. She was no gymnast yet he had coaxed her body into positions she had never imagined.

"Darn, gone," he said, turning off the water."They lasted nearly twenty five minutes after we stopped touching," he added.

"That's good, next time you should hold Esme's hand, you know it would mean the world to her if she knew you felt her touch."

Edward smirked.

"I guess we have to do that again, then, tonight, so set the alarm for six pm so we can be done before she goes to bed."


	11. Chapter 11

**Not many reviewers here, review if you want faster updates, I do the most populars first!**

Warm

Chapter 11

Carlisle impatiently dialled the phone and drummed his fingers on the desk.

"Hello, this is Dr Carlisle Cullen, I am doing a consultation on Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. These test results are wrong, they need to be redone."

"File number 1076665v. It is impossible to have them come back clear. He is either a carrier or a sufferer of chronic genetic kidney disease. He cannot be in the clear. I know this condition, it doesn't happen."

"Thank you, please call me back as soon as the tests are redone."

He reread every word and logged into the computer on the desk in the office he was borrowing.

Dr Samson nodded as he passed and Carlisle jumped up and called him back.

"Do you have a minute? Edward's test results are in and they make no sense."

Dr Samson looked over the paper and shook his head.

"I'm sorry, this has never happened before, to my knowledge. I will have them redone. It's clearly not Edward's biopsy they are testing. This is some random stranger to the Masen's, not their son."

He called and was assured the repeat testing was already under way.

Carlisle paced and Dr Samson invited him to come see a couple of interesting patients and the two men filled in time seeing a variety of kidney conditions that were present in some inpatients, checking back frequently for news of the test results.

"Thank you, I will go back straight away and read them ," Carlisle said finally when the call came that a messenger was bringing the new results upstairs to him.

Dr Samson took the envelope himself and opened it.

"I can't explain it. It is definitely Edward's cells they are using but this makes no sense. Well, you can tell your son he is off the hook, a kidney from him would be automatically rejected. He can't donate to either of the Masen's. Now I am just left wondering..."

"Quite," Carlisle agreed.

He sped back to Edward's place and sat his son down and frowned.

"Edward, I cannot explain this but the results are clear. Your kidneys are fine, perfect. Function is normal, no malformation, no markers for the condition. All I can conclude is you are some genetic freak and your DNA came from some distant ancestor who didn't have the disease either. There is no other explanation. You cannot donate though, your blood type is also wrong, they would reject immediately. Neither Elizabeth nor Edward would benefit from a donation from you, they would fare better with one from me."

Edward air punched and Bella laughed out loud in sheer relief.

"Will our children be in the clear?" she asked Carlisle.

"I have hate to get your hopes up but it seems they cannot inherit. Two parents with no sign of any kidney condition, there's no way to pass the problem on if Edward is not a carrier and clearly he isn't. Dr Samson is calling me to discuss things further, would you like to be in on that conversation, Edward?"

"I never wish to discuss my kidneys, or those two people ever again. They do not exist, I expect the media will report when she dies, but as there is nothing I can offer them, please never mention any of this to me or Bella again. If you enjoy delving into the mystery, go ahead but I never want to hear another word spoken, even if you find out why I dodged the bullet. I have my life, you and Esme are my parents, the Masen's do not exist in my world any longer and I am changing my name and having theirs removed from mine permanently."

Carlisle understood emotionally but the reason Edward escaped was intriguing.

"Edward, may I discuss anything we discover with Esme? I need to talk through things like this, and if you won't listen..."

"Talk to anyone, just leave me out of it."

Edward grabbed Bella and kissed her deeply.

"We name our firstborn after Alice, deal?"

"Okay, fine, deal," she agreed.

Alice had come through for them and given them the best news ever, ahead of time. Now Carlisle had backed up her claims. It was over, done with. The Masen's were history but not Edward's history any longer. He didn't mesh in with their DNA, he was truly a Cullen.

"Let's go visit the park again, there won't be a lot of people about today and we can take blankets," Edward winked and they both laughed.

Outdoor celebrations for two, how perfect.

Bella grabbed two blankets then added a third and stripped off, redressing in just a long maxi frock that needed no foundation garments. It would make things easier and he would have nothing to rip in his haste to get at her body. She blushed in delight at the promise of things to come.

xxx

Carlisle sat back and listened to Dr Samson. It was the obvious conclusion. How truly ironic, the Masen's had used the fact they did not believe Edward was their real child as one of their many excuses to hand him over to him and Esme, and it seemed they were actually right. There must have been another green eyed, copperhaired baby boy in that hospital at the same time, as ridiculously impossible as it seemed because Edward was not related to them at all. What were the chances? Baby mix ups happened but how amazing this one was actually in the child's ultimate favor? He had no signs of the kidney condition because he didn't share their DNA.

Dr Samson handed over the list of in patients in the small maternity ward the week Edward had been delivered.

"The Mason, M A S O N , couple had a son the day before, they seem the obvious true parents, the only other baby boys that week were of an Asian couple, three Quileute boys from parents on the Res, and a set of twins that were slightly superficially conjoined and had to have basic skin and fat separations. They would be mildly scarred. He has no scarring."

"I knew the Masons. Young Tim died from kidney failure as a child. No family history but they decided not to risk having another baby after him. They were both killed in a car accident years later. I don't know of any living relatives.

Maggie Mason's Mom, Thea Hawkins, lived here all her life, she died of old age last year. She had some weird skin condition, rather like long term effects of severe diabetes only she did not have that condition, just reduced sensation in her extremities. She lost her toes to frostbite when she walked out in the snow barefoot and didn't realise. She couldn't feel things properly, burned her hands a lot."

"No point telling your boy then, he has nobody to meet and greet from his real family."

xxx

Carlisle discussed the new developments with Esme and they wondered if Edward would be so relieved to know he was never a Masen that he would actually listen to them. Or did they honor his request and not tell.

"I would want to know," Esme said. "I think it would help heal Edward's soul if he knew the reason they never bonded with him was simply because he was not theirs at all."

"Okay, fine, we will tell him when he gets home. I hope those blankets are thick, it's not the weather to be playing about outdoors naked, especially if he can't feel the cold. I don't want to be having to amputate his toes."

"Oh I have the idea he will be feeling everything," Esme grinned.

xxx

Bella called a halt when she couldn't stop shivering despite Edward's warmth.

"That's it, I am getting dressed and going home! I have had enough of this! Well, I have had enough of the freaking weather, not the ...other stuff," she giggled as she pulled the dress over her head and Edward wrapped her in a blanket.

"Sorry Baby, you do this to me, you have to pay," he joked, almost. Bella did things he had only dreamed about in his youth.

He would turn twenty next week, no longer a teen, how good was that? One more year and he would be marrying her, no matter how much she protested. He would arrange the celebrant to do the service at the foot of their bed and take her consent as given when he made her scream 'Yes, Edward, God, yes.'

It was a plan! Maybe he should ask her at the vital moment if she liked what he was doing.

"Do you like that, baby?"

Her answer would be "I do," he chuckled to himself.

He dressed and drove them home and they raced up to their bathroom and soon were washing one another clean, and warming up at the same time.

The aroma of the meal Esme had cooked lured them back downstairs.

"Edward, may I pass on one fact that you may welcome hearing? Then we never have to mention it again? I think you will be happy to hear this, in the long run," Carlisle said as they all sat around the table. Emmett and Rose were out, it was just the four of them.

"Fine, tell me. I'm not really human, someone grew me in a lab?" he offered, growling.

"You are not a Masen. You were mixed up with another baby at birth or soon after. Your birthname was Edward Timothy M.a.s.o.n. So obviously a simple error, two boys similar in coloring and names so alike. Humans stuff up, maybe you both lost your arm tags and someone mixed them up. The Mason's are dead, Margaret and Michael, killed in a vehicle accident. They had no other children. Do you remember Old Lady Hawkin's? She was your grandmother."

"Crazy Thea?" Edward asked.

"Yep, Crazy Thea as the locals called her."

"Wicked, she was cool," Edward grinned. "Better crazy than unfeeling bastards who cared nothing for me. Goddamn it, I could have had a normal family from the start. She lost her toes and burned her hands a lot, I remember you treating her when I was at work with you sometimes, in school breaks."

"Yes, she had reduced feeling in her hands and feet. Dropped a lot of pots, couldn't tell her feet were partially frozen in the snow one time."

"Definitely a relative," Edward laughed.

He wanted to laugh and laugh forever.

He finally felt free.

xxx xxx

As they lay in bed that night, Edward considered out loud going to visit the Masen's to give them the bad news himself but Bella tried to calm him in various ways that distracted him sufficiently for the notion to fade and die again.

"Don't ever let them reduce you to their standards, Edward. You are not a Masen therefore never act like you are. That way you can distance yourself and forget they ever existed. Think about the good stuff, we can have babies without fearing kidney problems."

"Hm, but they could still be numb and non feeling, I don't know that I want to risk subjecting a child to the childhood and teenage years I have experienced. Until you came along and made me 'normal' I was always the freak of Forks, and I don't know if I could cope with a child teased and rejected by his peers like I would have been had I not had Esme championing me all through school. She did everything to make me popular, threw the best parties, always helped out at every school function, all the kids and teachers adored her so I was accepted by association.

Had the Masens kept me, I would probably be some doped up addict searching for something to live for and would have never met you at all. I doubt you would have hung out in dark alleys and dingy bars. I would never have felt, not properly, not with my heart. Maybe with my skin a little now and then, but I would have been doomed."

He cuddled Bella in closer and sighed.

She was his everything but he needed to be hers, and give her every single thing she could possibly desire. Children would be the hardest gift, he was not sure his conscience would allow him to become a breeder.

His life had been rich and full once he became a Cullen but it had still been lacking. What if Jess had found him intriguing enough to keep? What if he had never touched Bella on that sofa? She had been the one to force him to have physical contact with all those other women , so he would never have thought to search for someone who make him feel, he had avoided skin contact for so long. He had always been so afraid others would discover how truly weird he was and run away screaming.

Bella saved him, she gave him the key to open the door to normalcy.

He kissed her cheek and considered his options.

Give her all he could, and hope to God money and the house and his love would be enough, or free her and let her find a real man with real genes so her babies would feel and be normal?

Sometimes as cruel as it seems, pushing someone away can be the kinder option, but could he bear to do that for her? How much did he really love her? Enough to walk away?

He doubted that, he was not that good a person. He had become so much more selfish and needy since he met her and he knew how his life would be if he rejected her and someone like Jacob Black picked up the pieces and created a perfect new Bella from the debris. She would go on, have small dark haired feeling babies, and he would touch every woman, revisit the few that made him feel, maybe end up like Aro, settling for any woman no matter how unsuited just because she opened the door a little.

He tossed and turned and in the dark his cellphone vibrated and he answered, frowning.

"Don't even think about it, you would kill her as surely as if you tossed her off the cliff yourself," Alice said, ending the call abruptly.

Edward smiled in the darkness and cuddled Bella in closer.

Clearly she loved him as much as he loved her and there could be no separation, not even for her sake.

Maybe she could settle for less from him than from a better man.

Edward slept.

Maybe perfection was different things to different people.

xxx xxx

Carlisle and Esme left early the next day and much as he enjoyed their company, Edward longed to be with just Bella again. It was right and normal and how other couples were. He walked her to class, he took her to eat lunch in one of the many eateries on campus, he wined and dined her twice a week on Friday and Saturday nights.

Life was good, so good.

Nothing could take away their happiness, he knew that in his soul. Whatever lay in their futures, they could cope.

Sunday morning he awoke to find her already up, packing a backpack and grinning at him.

"What's happening?" he asked.

"Adventure day, we are going to use Sundays as the day to go on a weekly adventure and have outdoor sex in a new place each time. Get up, breakfast is ready, so eat, shower, dress and let's get out of here."

She didn't have to say another word, Edward rushed through her list of instructions and they sped away to a nearby hiking path and he held her hand and helped her over tree roots and wild shrubs. She almost tripped a lot but Edward would never let her fall.

Suddenly the trees opened onto a clearing, and Bella lay down their blanket and started undoing his buttons even as he drank thirstily from the canteen of water.

xxx xxx

Bella paused for a moment and swallowed. Drat these damned antibiotics, though maybe the nausea was more from the urinary infection than them, so she would be feeling this way or worse, without them. She grabbed the canteen and sipped some water slowly and the feeling passed.

"You okay, babe, you look a little green," Edward said , concern showing clearly in his voice.

"Oh it's nothing, just a mild reaction to the medication Carlisle has me on for a minor infection. Just give me a minute."

Edward ran his hand up her outer thigh and looked up at her from where he lay, naked and delicious on the blanket. His fingers soothed her skin and had the opposite effect on her lady's parts, causing them to tingle and awaken and she opened her legs a little, well, a lot wider as she knelt beside him.

His fingers grazed along her folds.

"Tell me to stop if you would rather not be doing this now," he ordered.

Bella smiled.

"There's nothing I would be rather doing now, distract me," she ordered.

Edward took her hands and made her move closer, so she hovered above his face and he licked her clit and watched as she fell forward, her hands on the ground holding her body over his, her knees splayed out each side of his face.

"Eeeedward, God," she moaned and he licked harder and tasted her ambrosia. He frowned slightly, the antibiotics had slightly altered the way she tasted, but whatever, this was his favorite place to be so he sucked in her clit and teased it until she came.

She rolled away and lay panting beside him.

Edward leaned up onto one elbow and traced a finger down her body, from chin to core, and back. She was wet and warm and open and he could not resist that trifecta.

He flipped them and lay above her and teased her by placing his erection scarcely against her still tingling clit and rocked slightly so the sensations his mouth had brought on continued in ever lessening waves of satisfaction. Bella reached up and grabbed at his naked backside and tried to force him inside her, pulling him closer. He kept his hands on the ground either side of her head and by keeping his arms straight, she couldn't get him as close as she wanted.

He crept up her body and started rubbing against her breasts and she caught on, and moved her hands to hold her orbs of delight closer together, as he slid his cock between them.

Edward moaned as she almost crushed his erection, and he pulled back and forth and gasped in air.

"Fuck, hot, Bella, fuck me," he yelled as he exploded and covered her breasts with his seed.

She didn't flinch, in fact she traced her fingers through the mess and spread it across her nipples.

Edward really wanted a second or two to recover but the sight of her made him come back harder than ever and he moved down and impaled her.

"You did say I was to fuck you, right?" she said, raising her hips to greet him as he thrust in desperately. He wanted to come deep within her but he needed a few minutes to get there again so quickly after the last time and his dick just felt so hard it hurt as he rocked and flexed his hips and fucked her hard.

"Bella, I have to, I need to," he gasped, almost in panic. The pleasure and pain were working together and he felt her hands reach up and she grabbed his nipples hard, squeezing them with her fingers and making him gasp at the new shock of pain.

She ground herself against him and he felt her flutter and she cried out making him need to finish even more.

"Fuck me, Edward, fuck me baby, fill me up, come inside me," she taunted and her words did what her actions had started and he throbbed inside, his hands under her ass, holding her body as closely to his as possible. His thrusts had quietened but his eyes were almost rolling in his head and he jerked his entire body as he ejaculated endlessly inside her.

He finally let her body fall against the ground and rolled onto his back beside her.

"What the fuck!" he gasped, trying to slow his heart before it exploded. His chest rose and fell and he knew something momentous had just occurred.

He had seen porn and he had only seen men come that hard when they were snorting Coke or taking some other drug.

"You are my personal brand of heroin," he exclaimed. He was completely addicted as much as any hard user.

"I have to marry you, Bella. We need to do this now, before anything happens. So many things have tried to part us, please believe me when I say we are so ready. Who cares about our supposed ages, we know we are as old as the universe and we are wasting precious time. Marry me, Isabella Swan, have my baby, make my life absolutely perfect. If you marry me and I die the next day, it won't matter because we will have reached the best time of our lives already. I need to see you walk down that aisle. I need to hold your hand when you push our baby out into the world. I need to spend our golden years in one another's arms, walking by the sea, watching our grandchildren grow up around us. I need this Bella."

"Okay," she said, smiling, reaching a hand over to entwine fingers with his. "You are right, none of knows how much time we have left, my only regret would be dying before I became Mrs Edward Cullen. Let's do it."

Edward grinned and moved so their faces touched.

"Thank you." He started singing under his breath, not the romantic lyrics she expected, something far more hot and sexy.

" You let me violate you, You let me desecrate you, You let me penetrate you, You let me complicate you."

"Let me guess. I bring you closer to God."

Edward laughed.

"Through every forest, above the trees, Within my stomach, scraped off my knees, I drink the honey inside your hive, You are the reason I stay alive."

"Oh," she blushed as she realised what he actually wanted her to say.

xxx xxx xxx


	12. Chapter 12

Warm

(lyrics last chapter, Closer by NIN, Trent Reznor won an Oscar for his music the other night! I didn't realize this had so many reviews last chapter, it's up my list now for more regular updates if you keep reviewing.)

Chapter 11

Edward sat in the sun and watched his girl approach. She loved it here at Yale. She had so many friends already he wanted to take her away and hide her from them.

"Hey," she said, dropping to his side, her face turned for the kiss she wanted from him.

Edward pulled her so her back was resting against his chest and his arms and legs were caging her in and he could nuzzle her throat and whisper in her ear.

"When are we doing the test?" he asked again.

"Edward, I am not pregnant. You are a crazy person."

"There's no way that orgasm left you with a single unfertilized egg inside you, I know you conceived." He placed his hands on her lower belly and rubbed with each thumb. His child was growing inside her, and life did not get any better than this. This was what he had wanted ever since he could remember. He only wished he had known from the start this would happen for him, and that there was a girl in this cold and cruel world who loved him unconditionally.

He had always assumed he was not meant to have all this, he was too wrong, too damaged, too different. His...Not Mother had told him often enough.

"Even with contraception safely in place?" she reminded him. "The whole point of contraception is so you can have sex and orgasms and not leave your girlfriend pregnant."

"You are not my girlfriend, you are my life," he growled. "Marry me now so by the time we do the test we will be a respectable married couple."

"Fine," she said, calling his bluff. She stood up and held a hand out to help him up.

"Take me wherever they do quickie marriages and tie the knot, now."

Edward had her in the car and racing towards City Hall before she could rethink. It only took seven minutes to have them pronounced husband and wife but it was enough.

He carried her to the car and next stop was at the hospital where Carlisle was working by invitation with his new best friend.

"Edward, Bella, what's happened?" his father asked when he caught sight of them at the reception desk.

"Bella needs a pregnancy test," Edward announced proudly. "My wife is pregnant and in denial, so we need to clear this up."

"Your wife?" Carlisle challenged.

"We got married seventeen minutes ago at City Hall."

"Of course you did, now your mother will beat you to a bloody pulp for not allowing her the joy of a wedding ceremony so you may as well find a room you like here and put your name above the bed."

Carlisle was not surprised, Edward needed Bella like he needed air. When he turned twenty the week before, Carlisle had a feeling that was all Edward had been waiting for, he didn't want the stigma of being married as a teen so he had waited but his patience had run out.

"Chris Eleazer called, he has some news. It is very timely if Bella is indeed pregnant. He found a trial of mega vitamins during pregnancy that successfully stopped parents who already had a child with idiopathic neuropathy avoid having more children with the problem. It's kind of extreme but it worked. The vitamins nourish all the fetus' nerves and help them grow properly. It is rarely used because few couples have more than two children these days so by the time they know their first child has it, their second is already born or at least well advanced in a pregnancy. But those who did try this preventative in time did have a very high success rate. Chris can't find a single child recorded born with the condition if the vitamins are started before the second trimester. Do you want to try it? It doesn't increase the chances of miscarriage or abnormalities, and you only need take them for three months three times daily then taper off, by the end you are only taking a weekly dose. It looks good, Edward."

"Sign us up," Edward replied, squeezing Bella's hand.

"First let's have that pregnancy test because it will be negative," Bella suggested.

Carlisle smiled, and led her into an examination room.

"We can do a urine test and follow up with a blood test if it's positive."

"It won't be and you won't be stealing any blood from me. Maybe you should prescribe something for Edward because he clearly needs sedation," Bella said.

"He will think all his Christmases have come at once if you are pregnant. This is what he has wanted all his life, a wife at his side and a baby of his own. He is desperate to prove he can be a loving father despite the first seven years of his own life. It's sweet, really. Not many young men care as much as he does. He will try his hardest to achieve his aims. Edward can be very determined," Carlisle warned her.

"I know, when this test is negative, get me out of here or he will be trying to get me pregnant in this cubicle."

Bella did the necessary and handed the sample in for testing then waited as Carlisle stood a stick inside the container.

"Positive?" asked Edward impatiently.

"Weakly positive, she is about 3 seconds pregnant," his father replied. "We should do a blood test to confirm, sorry Bella."

"Bloody vampire," Bella seethed under her breath. Blood tests are nothing to some people but she personally hated them and watching her life blood be sucked out into a syringe sent her head spinning.

Edward held her hand and stroked her pale and sweaty forehead.

"Positive, I was right."

"I don't care at the moment. God, I am going to pass out."

"Okay, head between your legs," ordered Carlisle and Edward smirked.

"My head or hers?" asked Edward.

"Hers, none of that, she is pregnant, Edward, I could order you not to touch her for the whole nine months. Would you prefer that, Bella?"

"I want to die," Bella sighed.

xxx

The blood test confirmed the findings and Edward was elated.

"I knew, I told you, there was no way that little adventure could have failed to fertilize your egg."

"IT had better be just the one egg or I may kill you," Bella warned, laying back against the car seat as he drove her home to rest. She was pale, even for Bella.

"I will take the best care of you and our baby, never doubt that. You have to go back for a scan to date this exactly, Dad said he will give you a reprieve today seeing you almost fainted."

"Edward, you are sure this is what you want? I will be carrying our child at college and after it's born I guess I will defer and come back to finish sometime in the future."

Edward parked and opened her door.

"I'm sorry I am so impatient, I know you wanted to wait but I didn't do anything different to cause your contraceptives to fail, that was kismet. It just happened. Babies turn up when they want to, not when you decide you are ready."

"I guess that's true. I need to eat, I am famished."

Edward smiled, Carlisle warned him of how it would be. She would be ravenous for maybe a couple of weeks, then probably hit with morning sickness that could go all day and night, then grumpy, then horny and demanding sex a lot, he was looking forward to horny.

Then big and insecure about her beautiful body, needing assurance he still loved her despite the whale in her belly. Then the birth and the utter exhaustion that would follow for months, maybe years.

Nothing could dim Edward's joy, knowing ahead meant he could adapt accordingly.

Bella was eating bread straight from the packet as she cooked eggs and toast and heated a tin of beans and grilled bacon and tomatoes.

"Do you want some?" she asked anxiously.

"No way am I getting between you and food for a while, my father warned me it could be very risky to my health."

Bella served herself a serving of food similar in size to those meals eaten by truckers, and chowed down while he sipped coffee and risked taking a slice of toast from the rack.

Bella smiled and pushed the plate away, then spied a small smear of tomato and picked up the plate and licked it clean.

"Okay, now I just feel really turned on, come on."

Edward grinned widely, maybe she was going to be different and miss the nausea and just have a double dose of horny. That would be epic.

He wondered if it was wise to be having sex so soon after she had eaten but she seemed determined and nobody said no to a determined Bella.

"On your back, on the bed, you may as well get used to being ridden by some enormously fat pregnant lady, so we may as well start as we mean to go on."

Edward stripped and lay on the bed as ordered, and Bella hovered above him, grinding her sex along his ever increasingly hard erection until he had no choice, he had to slide it inside her.

"Hold on for the ride of your life," she warned and started raising herself, using her position on her knees to move her body above his, and almost letting his penis fall out of her then dropping back down and he plunged inside harder each time, gasping for air and hoping she came soon because he would.

"Edward, Edward," she screamed and ground her pelvis so her clit was dragging and grinding hard on him. He tried to hold back but he felt his body jerk and he shot inside her, but she didn't seem to notice and she kept moving and grinding on him until he felt his erection reawaken and become hard inside her again.

If she noticed anything, she didn't indicate.

Finally, he held her hips still and pounded up hard against her.

"I can't come, why can't I come?" she cried out.

Edward let her hips be and slid his finger between where they were joined and started stroking her desperate clit. It was so filled with blood and enlarged he imagined it was the female version of 'blue balls', she was trying to hard and needed to relax.

He sat up and held her against him.

"Bella, baby, just be gentle, just rock with me," he encouraged and slid his finger along her clit until it she slowed and stopped grinding so hard.

"Just forget everything, don't even try to come, just relax baby."

She nodded and he felt her breasts sway against his chest as she slowly rocked along with his rhythm and sure enough, as soon as she relaxed his finger tipped her over and she screamed suddenly in a very satisfactory way and his dick exploded at the sight of her face, so happy, so relaxed, so satisfied.

She clung to him through the prolonged pulsing and then lay beside him and he kissed her gently.

"Sometimes less is more, you got too worked up and couldn't let go," he whispered. He had done it to himself sometimes when he was desperate and needy and she saw it simply as a long session, where he saw it as a challenge to slow enough to come inside her and ease the pain of overstimulating himself.

"Why did that happen?" she asked.

"Hormones, maybe, you were too desperate. I can always bring you over the edge, baby, just let me help you when you need me to. We came out of that okay, right?"

"Hmm" she murmured and he looked at her face and saw she was asleep, just like that. This was going to be quite an adventure. Pregnant Bella was going to challenge him and he had better always come up victorious, or he had a feeling she may become a tiny bit hard to live with.

xxxx

Having slept during the day, Bella was restless all night, trying to sleep although her body was no longer tired. Edward sighed and gave up.

"What can I do to relax you, baby? Do you want me to make love to you again? Will that calm you down?"

"Maybe, but I want you to, you know, just make me happy."

"Fingers or mouth?" he asked.

"Mouth," she whispered and he hovered above her belly and kissed the skin that covered where his child lay. He wondered if they were having a boy or a girl and if she would want to know before delivery? In a way, he rather hoped she would wait this first time and just be surprised when the baby finally emerged from her womb and they were the first to see for themselves.

"Edward," she growled and he laughed. Impatient Bella.

He placed his hands along her folds and opened her up to his mouth, like a flower opening it's petals and his tongue barely touched as he teased and licked her so gently she mewed like a kitten. She seemed to enjoy it and didn't try to make him move harder against her, so he kept up the gentle touch and only let the very tip of his tongue have contact with her pink bundle of nerves.

He started circling her clit with his tongue but still so gently she was barely swaying her body as she made the sweetest sound her had ever heard from her lips. This was new and epic and she seemed to accept gentle could be good, slow for sure, but she would get there in the end.

She started to hum quietly and he grinned and stroked her clit then sought out the sweet valley inside and pushed his tongue in and licked along her walls.

Her pelvis rose a little to get him nearer and he growled so she relaxed again and he twirled around her clit instead. She was starting to get antsy, he had teased her enough so he gently bit her clit without warning and felt her shake and sigh and moan as her fluids rushed out of her sex as she orgasmed against his eager tongue that licked her clean.

His dick was hard and eager and waiting for it's turn to be stimulated to release but she sighed and fell asleep as the blush of satisfaction covered her face and body.

She rolled away onto her side and Edward debated whether to simply stroke himself off or maybe...

Her cheeks were right there.

He grabbed for the lube and used it to get himself slick and ready and slid between her cheeks and sighed at the sensation. He had no intention of penetrating her this way, he just needed something to rub and slide against and he rocked, kissing her back as she unconsciously brought him to the brink and over.

He wiped the lube and semen from her cheeks and lay back, hoping to sleep now she was.

Her backside looked so rounded and appealing, he gently stroked her cheeks.

He was interested in taking her there but maybe not until after the baby was born, he couldn't risk hurting her in any way.

He really should read more about that and see what was necessary to do to prepare her for when he could take her that way, if she agreed.

He wanted to experience everything with Bella, everything possible, but only if she was in agreement, it was hardly a tragedy if she drew the line at anal.

Maybe he wanted everything from her because he had never been with any other girl. Jessica didn't count, he hadn't felt a thing. He didn't intend ever cheating on his Bella, she was all he wanted but he would be lying if he said there weren't other things he still wanted to experience with her someday.

They had forever, and she had always been willing to try whatever he asked, he was sure it was simply a matter of time before he knew her in every way possible.

Bella rolled onto her back and he traced a finger across her breasts and watched her nipples pebble.

This was not helping him relax and sleep, now his mind was full of images of things they could try. He sighed and took himself to hand and started stroking, keeping his eyes shut as he imagined being inside her in that new place and before long, his seed fled his body.

He lay still for a few minutes and opened his eyes to see her brown eyes staring into his green ones, and he started.

"I thought you were asleep," he said, wondering how long she had been awake.

"Sorry for falling asleep, you shouldn't have to do that now we are married especially, it's my job to keep you happy," she said sadly.

"Bella, I missed out on 'doing that' all my teens practically, believe me, I like doing it, I don't mind taking care of myself when you are too tired. It's fine. All I need to is keep contact with you in any way and 'that' feels so good. I can understand now why every boy is obsessed with playing with himself all his teen years. I am just catching up, it's no reflection on you."

Bella smiled and he wiped his seed from her skin where it had landed and pulled her into his arms and rested his chin on her head.

He felt no embarrassment that she had watched him pleasing himself, only a little regret that she had felt it showed she had failed him, which she hadn't. It was inevitable he would be as randy as all heck after no feeling for so many years then suddenly almost constant feelings now that he rarely left her side. His dick was very demanding now it knew what sex felt like and he was not using her pregnant body to scratch his every itch.

Maybe she would let him watch her pleasure herself one day?

He growled to himself, these thoughts were not allowing sleep to overtake him at all.

"Edward, if you want to..."

"I do, Bella, I really do," he admitted and pushed his insatiable dick inside her wet and waiting pussy from his position behind her and tried to be gentle as he rode her body to full satisfaction for them both.

Maybe he had pregnancy hormones, too, he thought as he finally slipped into oblivion, his body still inside hers.

Waking up with his morning wood already hidden deep in Bella was new and he felt his wife push back and take advantage of his steel like condition. She was rocking her backside against his pelvis and he slid a hand around to help her achieve her goal and found her fingers already stroking her clit. She paused and blushed at being caught so he entwined his hand in hers and used both her finger and his to continue and she relaxed and let him soothe her need as his was soothed by being inside her body.

"Teamwork," he whispered in her ear as she came down from her high.

Could she be any more desirable and perfect? Maybe they would spend the entire nine months in bed making love various ways.

"God, no, let me go," Bella suddenly yelled and jumped from their bed and rushed for the bathroom.

Edward followed her in and looked away as he held her hair back as she vomited into the toilet.

Then again, maybe not.


	13. Chapter 13

Warm  
Chapter 13

"We should call, I honestly think Edward will kill me if this baby arrives and he isn't here," Carlisle said.  
"It's his final exam, he can't just walk out," Bella puffed. "Anyway you said it wouldn't be like it is on tv, you said it took eighteen to twenty four hours for the first delivery."  
"Imagine a child of Edward's not sticking to the rules," Carlisle smiled.  
Things were happening amazingly fast. She had fallen asleep again after Edward woke her to kiss her Goodbye as he headed for class and his finals.  
Next year he would begin teaching music and he already had a job secured at Port Angeles Music Academy so they could return and live at Forks.  
Bella was looking forward to that, and to living in the house they had designed together. It had been started already but with the Forks weather, one never knew how long building would take.  
Edward had insisted on six bedrooms as well as the whole top floor being their bedroom/retreat. At this particular moment in time, she was hoping he was planning on a lot of guestrooms, rather than bedrooms for their future children, because she wasn't sure she ever wanted to experience this pain again.  
She glanced at the clock. God, it was a mere two hours since the first pain and already it felt like she had been hit by a freight train. Regularly. Every three minutes.  
The contractions were massive and left her feeling unable to regain her breath. Esme was holding her hand and everyone knew, except Edward, so Rose and Emmett were on their way over and Alice and Jasper were on a plane.  
"What are we going to do if the baby gets here before Edward's exam finishes?" Bella panicked.  
"Maybe we could all hide behind the door and yell surprise as he walks in and just hand him the baby, and he'll be so happy to see it, he'll forgive us all," Esme suggested.  
"Can you do anything to slow this down?" Bella pleaded.  
"That's the first time anyone ever asked to have a delivery slowed down," said Dr Tanner with a laugh.  
"I want to walk, I feel like I should be on my feet," Bella complained and Esme helped her up. She no sooner stood than two things happened simultaneously.  
The baby slid out of her and into Carlisle's waiting hands and Edward burst through the door.  
"My God, it's a real baby," he exclaimed and rushed to her side. Carlisle wrapped the infant and checked it's airways and the nurse quickly cleared it's throat and checked it over.  
"Nine," she pronounced and Carlisle handed it to Edward's waiting hands.  
"Why didn't someone call me earlier? I almost missed everything," he growled, gently stroking the new little being in his arms.  
"You had your final exam," Bella retorted, getting into a squat to deliver the placenta, with Carlisle's help.  
Once it was all over, Edward handed the baby to it's mother and sat beside her, kissing her cheek.  
Bella looked into his eyes. "You can feel the baby," she stated.  
Edward smiled. "It has much the same effect on me as you do. I can feel the warmth and the softness of it's skin," he reported happily. "Well done, Mrs Cullen. It's a beautiful, healthy baby with excellent lungs."  
"It? Is it a boy or a girl?" Bella asked.  
"Who cares, let's just spend some time getting to know our firstborn before we factor in the gender," Edward suggested.  
Esme got to hold the baby while Edward helped Bella shower and dress and they walked to her room and she got into bed and her husband lay beside her, rubbing her back.  
"I wanted to be here for you," he said softly.  
"You always are. I just wanted that exam over. Honestly, even as fast as it was happening, Carlisle and Dr Tanner thought I had another hour to go at least. I probably shouldn't have stood up, it moved everything along more quickly."  
"I'll be there for every minute of this child's life and your life from this moment on," he vowed.  
x`x`x  
"I did the first bath, I hope that was okay," Esme said, pushing the baby's bed in in front of her.  
"So, you know what it is," Bella smiled, sounding impatient to know herself.  
"Just look at this perfect little face and you will know as well," Edward's mother replied, lifting the bundle into Bella's arms.  
"I don't think it's the face that determines the gender," Edward smirked, looking down at the tiny face and big green eyes looking back at him.  
"Let's see, my eyes, Bella's nose, my mouth, Bella's hair. What does it weigh?"  
"Seven pounds even."  
"Hmm, no clue there. How long?"  
"Seventeen inches."  
"It's a girl," Edward guessed. He knew he had been 21 inches at birth presuming the mix up occurred after the initial measurements were recorded.  
"How long were you as a newborn?" he asked his wife.  
"Seventeen inches and seven pounds exactly," she answered, frowning as she rechecked the hair and searched for copper amongst the brown.  
"Do you want me to tell you?" Esme asked.  
They both nodded and she clapped her hands.  
"It is a girl. What's her name?"  
"Ashley Antonia," Edward answered. "Ashley means meadow and Antonia means flower and also is the female version of my second name, so Bella wants her named for me."  
"That's just perfect, I love it. Though I have a feeling Alice has called dibs on the name Ashley."  
"Alice is not married, not pregnant, and most importantly, not sitting in a hospital bed holding her newborn daughter so we win," Edward answered.  
The name was important to them both. The meadow was the place they both loved and where their house was built, well, started to be built and where they would live forever. Ashley Antonia would play amongst the wild flowers and outshine them with her own beauty.  
Edward felt a particular sense of peace knowing he had a daughter. He could be as over protective as he liked with her and use the excuse she was Daddy's little girl and needed him to protect her. Bella might object but he didn't think so, the way she was cradling the baby in her arms now she knew the gender had changed. Suddenly she was softer, more guarded, like the baby suddenly became more fragile.  
It was a normal response, he knew that. Boys were viewed as big tough guys and girls as delicate little petals, which Ashley clearly was.  
"Feel her hair, it's as soft as gossamer," Edward said, stroking his finger through the thick thatch on her head.

Bella awoke to hoards of visitors bearing pink wrapped gifts, even Charlie was there, despite his intense hate of flying. The need to see Ashley for himself and to make sure Bella had come through safely won over his fears. Renee and her husband were there but nowhere near as involved, more there because it was expected of them and they were the first to leave once the polite length of time passed.  
"Your Mom is not into babies?" Edward asked.  
"Not really. But Charlie will make up for that. He can't wait until we go home to Forks and he can invent a reason to visit every day just to play Grandpa. He has a fishing pole with Ashley's name on it waiting at his house."  
"Surely nobody could resist this perfect little girl, she's just too amazing for words," Edward said, taking his daughter and holding her gently but firmly against his chest. he smiled as the warmth of her body flooded his own.  
He felt like he had everything now. The chance to prove he could be the best father and husband, despite his rough start in life. He had Esme and Carlisle's examples to learn from and he was sure he and Bella would last the distance and anytime they argued or fell out, he knew all he would have to do was look into his daughter's face and know she would always come first from now on. They would work through any issues that arose and find a path that kept them all together as a family, the most precious jewel of any crown.  
"I think I want a fairly big gap between Ashley and the next baby," Bella said, feeling every bruise and graze the birth had caused.  
"No problem, we can give up sex just to be sure," Edward suggested and hid a smirk.  
"Yes, well, we have to do that for the next six weeks, let's see who is smirking by then," she replied and he realized she was right. He would be climbing the walls by the time six weeks passed, especially as their sex life had not even slowed down during the pregnancy. He had been forced by his own fears to be gentle with Bella once he knew his child was inside but that was fine, he liked gentle sex, it allowed him to show his feelings for her, and honor her body as it should be.  
He would have to be very nice to her and help with the baby as much as possible if he hoped for any form of relief from his wife, he knew that. But sex seemed kind of irrelevant at the moment. It was a small price to pay for having his own little family, and legend had it, exhaustion would soon eradicate any desires for a while.  
Such was life.

X~X~X~X

Epilogue  
Edward lay back in the warm sun of Forks and subtly kept an eye on his children. Playing guitar softly, he was composing a song for Bella's birthday next week, and if he had learned one thing about his wife, it was that she would always appreciate something from the heart much more than actual store bought gifts. She insisted Edward had always given her everything her heart desired just by choosing her, and their marriage had made her life perfect. She had no need for a fancy car or ridiculously priced purses and shoes, all she wanted was for them to always be together and in love and Edward was still fulfilling his promise to love her everyday of forever.  
Their three daughters were taking advantage of the unusual run of sunny days and splashing one another playfully in the creek that bordered their property.  
Anyone over twelve would find the water bitterly cold and the shrieks from his girls assured him it truly was, but better than that, it assured him all three felt.  
Still felt.  
They had all maintained their ability to feel, and that had always been a niggling worry in the back of his mind. While most parents probably preferred quieter playing by their offspring, Edward smiled to himself as Alice Marie splashed her younger sister, and Ashley tried to keep order.  
She was the most like him in temperament, always that need to be the one in control, a habit he had put down when it showed up in himself as fallout from the complete lack of control in his early childhood. But now he had to accept it was genetic because Ashley had never known anything but security and love.  
Hayley, their youngest girl, was all her mother's daughter in mannerisms and temper, yet was the image of her father. She alone amongst the girls had inherited his copper hair and truly emerald green eyes and her waist length hair hung in ringlets, thank God. It was one thing for a man to be blessed, or cursed, with sex hair as Bella referred to his unruly mop, but on a female it would be a nightmare and just look messy.  
The older two girls were true brunettes but in this sun, Edward could see the same subtle highlights of reddish mahogany their mother had in her own locks.  
Alice Marie had arrived a mere year after her older sister, and Edward knew that had been all his fault. Once the six weeks of abstinence had passed, he just couldn't keep his hands off Bella, needing her constantly, and of course, slip ups happened. Having no condom in his pocket had never stopped him taking her in this very place, on this very lounger, when the baby was with his Mom and his beautiful wife was tempting him, teasing him, taunting him with her incredible sexiness.  
She had laughed when he said that to her and pointed out not a lot of men found women immersed in a freezing cold creek , washing the garden soil from her body after a gardening marathon, sexy. But she had been cold and he had offered to warm her up and nine months later she had screamed about that in the labor ward. She had wanted years between the siblings, but what could he do?  
He should blamed Bella entirely, she didn't have to be so darn sexy in everything she did. Other wives managed to hang out the washing without driving their husbands wild with desire, yet clearly she couldn't. Just observing how her breasts moved as she tossed a blanket over the line to dry had forced him to grab her and pull her inside, kissing her neck, touching her body, needing to be inside her.  
That was Hayley, the washing line incident conception. And no excuses, he did have condoms in the bedroom, but they just hadn't made it that far and she was made on the landing halfway up the staircase. At least it was the internal staircase, he had often pointed out when his wife paused on that landing and smiled at the memory, then mock growled at him about his impatience.  
It could have been worse, he could have knocked her up on the outside stairs.  
Wait, he had.  
That night, after the dinner at Port Angeles where he had been given an award for his students incredibly high grades in music composition. There had been wine, there had been dancing and Bella had kept her body pushed so close to his , swaying against him, arousing things, filling his mind with images...was it any wonder he had driven home far above the speed limit and not managed to wait until he got her inside?  
That image in his mind of him taking her up against the wall, right near the backdoor, her moaning in his ear, her legs up around his waist, her lack of panties...  
Nope, not his fault, once again.  
She could have stopped him, she could have refused and pushed him away, had she? Nope. Had she worn some decent granny panties to discourage him? Nope.  
Had she whispered in his ear on the bloody dancefloor that she had forgotten panties altogether, and they were still laying at home on their bed, waiting for her to put them on? Yes, she had.  
Her fault.  
She made him as hard as metal, it was her responsible to fix that situation, and she had.  
But it still had been her fault. She knew how to push his buttons and she never let a chance go by. The woman was insatiable. He could have showed so much more self restraint if it wasn't for her wanton ways.

That was Adam,that conception, their first son. He was two now and it was different, having a boy in the house. He rejected playing Barbie dolls with his sisters and Edward knew his wife wanted more just like him. More boys, more loud, messy , noisy boys.  
He was unsure if Adam's hair was truly naturally messy like his own because the kid was forever rubbing foodstuffs and sand and dirt from the garden in it, maybe it was capable of sitting flat against his head, but as yet, they didn't have any idea.  
The girls had always come downstairs all shiny clean from their morning baths, pretty dresses and shining shoes, hair neatly brushed, and hours later they still looked the same. Adam came down, holding his adoring Mom's hand, spotless, neat, tidy and descended into a ragged mess within the first hour. A shoe would be lost, a sock stained from the dirt outside as he ran about regardless, his shirt never seemed to stay tucked in, his jeans were constantly marked with grass stains, he was truly another species.  
And the copper curls lasted minutes before he became engrossed in whatever activity had caught his imagination. Collecting bugs, digging for snakes, sampling the dog's food from the dish at the back door, somehow it wasn't surprising that he ended up with dirt, leaves, even petals snagged in that mop.  
Edward was all for shaving the child's head to save Isabella constantly having to wash the child's hair at regular intervals during the day, but she had threatened him with various types of bodily harm if he touched a single hair on the boys head.  
It was almost unhealthy, her obsession with their son. How would he ever mature and grow up to be a man if she was always lifting him into her arms and covering his face with kisses?  
It wasn't like he had been obsessed with the girls...well, maybe a little.  
Maybe he was simply jealous that she adored the smaller version of him so much, maybe it brought out all his insecurities that she loved him the most.  
"Edward, don't be ridiculous," Bella had sighed, and climbed onto his lap the first time he had voiced his fear. "Of course I love Adam, I waited a long time for a baby boy, and yes, he is a Mommy's boy at this point in time but so what? He's little more than a baby and one day he will reject my arms and not want my kisses, I have to take them while I can get them. And I love you in an entirely different way, you know that."  
Yes, but which male did she love the most?  
That question always got him a slap.  
"It's not a competition. You adore the girls, I don't go all crazy jealous over that. I don't pout and carry on when you choose to spend time with them over me. We know we will always make time for one another. Now grow up."  
Maybe that was the problem, he didn't want to grow all the way up.  
Adam ran his grubby hands through his hair and toddled towards his father.  
"S'a'bug," he announced and dropped the wriggling worm into his father's lap.  
"It's a worm, Adam and they live in the garden and help make the soil strong and healthy so Mommy's flowers all grow."  
"S'a'worm," Adam agreed.  
Edward looked at the small chubby face and golden curls and green eyes and wondered if this was how he had looked at this age. He put the guitar down and lifted his male child into his arms and kissed him on the cheek.  
"I love you, son, very much. I think I also envy you, because you are cherished in a way I never was as a little boy. I didn't have a Mommy like you do, who thinks you are the sun and the moon and the very air we breathe rolled into one. You are a very lucky little boy."  
Adam smiled and patted his father's face with a grubby hand.  
"Gamma Esme," his son said, pointing as Edward's mother's car pulled up.  
"Grandma Esme. Good point, I had all her love and undivided adulation once she chose me to be her little boy. I guess I had it better than a lot of little boys who never knew love at all. I just wish I had been born to her. I think I would be a better man today and not envy my own son if she had held me in her arms from the very first day I was born."  
"Edward, give it up. It's natural. You don't think Carlisle envied the attention I gave you when you came into our home and made us a family? I used to sit on your bed and read you bedtime stories and rub your back, you do remember that?"  
"I do, I remember not wanting you to leave, and go to his bed. I remember trying to feel your hand on my skin. And the look on your face, the hope that one day I would regain feeling."  
"And you have."  
"Better late than never. I guess the vitamin regime through all Bella's pregnancies that I joined in taking may have been the key all along."  
"Or maybe just the love of a good woman, never underestimate that."  
"You loved me," Edward replied, kicking the grass tufts with his toe. "Yes but I loved you as my child, she loves you in a whole different way. As her soulmate."  
Edward nodded, of course Bella loved him best. Differently. Adam would grow up and leave her but he would always stay, always be here. His time would come again once these ragtag children left the nest and God knows he was in no hurry for that to happen. Look how quiet and peaceful his own parents house had become once Jas and Alice finally left for college then married in their Senior Year there.  
And like Edward, Emmett had done his best to repopulate Fork's dwindling numbers, by keeping Rosalie constantly pregnant. Four nephews and three nieces and another of unknown gender as yet on the way. Of course, they'd cheated and had two sets of twins.  
"Do you think Alice and Jasper will ever have kids or do you think their are enough Cullen grandkids out there already?" Edward asked.  
"Darling, your children never put them off, they adore all these children and one day I'm sure they'll feel the time is right. Jasper just had so much he wanted to do first, and Alice got used to the easy life, travelling with his band, visiting a dozen countries each year. I think they are both getting The Look already. It won't be long now before there's more Cullen grandbabies in the world."  
Bella walked outside and caught the tail end of the conversation and growled.  
"Here's me thinking nobody knew yet. How long have you known?" she asked Edward.  
He frowned and looked as confused as he felt.  
"About?"  
"About the new Cullen grandbaby under construction."  
"Alice is pregnant?" he asked in surprise. Now Bella looked confused.  
"You were talking about Alice?"  
Esme smiled and kissed Bella's cheek.  
"How did it happen this time?" she asked, a smile already plastered across her face. These kids were so lucky, she would have adored to be popping out babies like they did. Edward and Bellanever seemed to plan the next arrival, it just turned up when it was ready.  
Adoption, fostering, it had filled the house she and Carlisle had bought ,and filled their lives with kids, but she never forgot those few minutes of motherhood she had experienced with her own little boy, doomed as he was. It truly had been one of the highlights of her life. Of course, that day had been truly both the best of days and the worst. Losing him so quickly had left a hole in her chest that even her adopted children had never quite filled, not to the brim.  
She just prayed none of these wonderful parents ever knew that depth of despair and continued to have happy, healthy babies.  
"I feel like a pregnant teen schoolgirl, the way we seem to always get caught out every single time your son forgets to put on a condom."  
"Are we having another baby, Bella?" Edward suddenly clicked into what they were talking about. Incredible. So much for her wanting to stop at two, then three, then four. Now it was five.  
Five little lives to guide, five little babies from hos beautiful wife. He already found himself looking forward to the birth. He loved that sense of wonder, that time of a true miracle as their child, of their making, the product of their endless love, joined them in the world and was placed into his waiting hands. That first touch, that first look, the first mewing cry, he stored all those memories and secretly he snuck downstairs the nights he couldn't sleep and watched the birthing videos in his den. He loved reliving the joy, and seeing what his wife went through to give him what he always wanted, another baby. He was as addicted to newborns as he was to her.  
They were so soft, so warm, these sensations he had missed the most much of his life.  
"We are and maybe it's time to call a halt to this three ringed circus and get you snipped. Otherwise every bedroom in the house will be full of kids and as it is, we will be down to one single guestroom once Ben is born."  
"Ben?"  
"I'm getting in early. Adam needs a brother and I rather fancy another Mommy's boy."  
"Little boys are wonderful, aren't they?" Esme agreed and the two women walked inside, discussing 'Ben's' nursery decor.  
"Well, it looks like you are going to be usurped. Us menfolk will have to stick together. Let's go do some man things. Maybe we need to try out that junior baseball kit Uncle Em bought you. You want to pitch or hit?"  
"Hit, hit, hit," chanted Adam.  
"I kind of expected that. Come on, son, I have a catcher's mitt somewhere in the garage. It's time we started turning you into a real boy."  
Edward paused, stricken, and picked his son up again.

"Sorry, Adam, you have always been a real boy. Daddy wasn't thinking."

Adam was unconcerned and squirmed to be put down on the ground. Then he starting running about, hitting the heads off Bella's newly blossoming rose's with the miniature bat.  
"Yo, the little man has quite a swing," Emmett's voice boomed as he ran up and took position as pitcher. "As soon as Rose parades my lads in front of Mom and Bella to prove they can look clean and tidy, if only briefly, we can start a game. God, she has three girls, why she needs to try a sissyfy my boys up all neat...it's not natural. This is what a manchild should look like, hey Adam? A bit of dirt never hurt anyone."  
"Clearly not," Edward agreed.  
Boys tumbled from the backdoor and in no time the yard was filled with Emmett's voice, encouraging the batter, correcting the stance of the smaller boys, getting some order from the chaos.  
"So, you want another boy, goes without saying?" Emmett asked.  
"I do, I think I really do. I want Adam to have brothers, and enjoy his childhood like I did once you and Jas came into the family. I really loved wrestling with you and knowing I couldn't hurt you."  
"Pft, there was never a chance of that, you skinny assed excuse for a man."  
"I could take you down," Edward replied, winking as Jasper snuck up behind Emmett and both tackled him at once.  
He fell heavily and Edward just rolled out of the way in time.  
"Shit, bro, we didn't think that through," he laughed as Emmett gave them the bird.  
"Took two of you whipped ass pussies to do it, though."  
"I need your advice, guys. My wife is pregnant," Jasper admitted, looking more scared that anything. "She will still let me have sex with her, right? I mean, I tried this morning after she did the test and she said 'oh Jasper, we don't need to do that any more, I'm pregnant already'. This is just a stage, right? A really short lived stage?"  
""Ooh la la you just wait, once she hits the horny period you will look back and be grateful she gave you a little time off."  
"Bella never gave me any time off," Edward stated. "Never, she was horny...shit, she's pregnant again. Oh we could have co-ordinated this better, three pregnant wives, nobody to babysit when we need a little time alone. We'll all be wanting time alone."  
"Esme always said she loved having a houseful of kids, let's make her eat her words."  
"Yeah, copping your seven and our four for a night ought to cure any lingering maternal feelings for good," Edward laughed.  
"Don't wear her out, Alice plans to have more kids than either of you two. Shit, that means nine kids. I can't do it."  
"Nine as of our count at the moment. Don't be retiring Rose from the baby making business yet. I need more boys for my team. I've only got four sons, Jasper and our wuss of a brother only has one so far. Hey, you could take up the slack and have all sons. That would work."  
"If we have more than three boys in a row, I think Alice would start dressing the baby as a girl anyway. She has already painted the nursery pink. And filled it with ribbons and pink stuff. I'm kind of hoping this one will be a girl so she gets it out of her system."  
"Ha, good luck with that. Rose is washing up all the pink clothes but we are going to surprise her, she's having a boy, no, maybe another set of twin boys. That would be cool. Maybe triplets would be fun."  
"Now you are just being greedy," Edward answered. Maybe Bella would have twin boys and even up the genders. If not, he just needed to knock her up again before she got the new baby sleeping through the night and started regaining all her faculties.  
Before she noticed the lack of a condom.  
He'd be fine, she was always as horny as he was at that six week check up. She always dropped the current baby and the toddlers at his Mom's and came home to lie in wait for him. He took a half day last time. Arrived home before she did and ambushed her at the door. She never let him out of bed all afternoon, she wanted everything.  
Then she wanted everything again.  
No wonder they had all these children, it was her fault.  
A man didn't stand a chance with a woman like his Bella.  
"So, this is Bella's birthday party and she is doing the cooking?" Emmett asked.  
"Nope, we are grilling out here on the BBQ and with that in mind, we should go get the meat."  
"Want me to go run down a deer in the forest? Save you a few dollars?" Emmett joked.  
"Right, you would probably come face to face with a grizzly and he'd rip you apart," Jasper laughed.  
"I could take on any grizzly in that forest, I'm a real man," Emmett exclaimed.  
"Emm, come change the baby's diaper, I'm making salads," Rose called  
"Sure, be right there," Emmett replied, placing the ball down on the ground and running inside.  
"He can take on a grizzly yet Rose has him whipped," Jasper laughed.  
"Shit, man, I'd rather take on a grizzly than take on Rose," Edward admitted. The woman was scary when she wanted to be.  
"You are right," Jasper agreed, glad, so glad, he had the quiet little Alice. Well, she may be loud but she was gentle with him.  
"Come on, we men need to go hunt at the local butcher's," Edward said and they headed out together as Carlisle took over umpiring the game.  
He was proud of all four of his kids but he was mostly happy about how Edward's life had changed once he met Bella. They were standing the test of time, and just as in love as ever.  
He'd been wrong to ever doubt them and interfere. At least he had done them no harm.  
He was a doctor, it was his gospel.  
First do no harm.

THE END


End file.
